We Will Endure
by My Writing Is This
Summary: As a slave I am to stand silent, awaiting commands from my masters. A possession to answer to their every whim no matter what it may be. Yet, I am still human. Overcome by feelings and wants I didn't know I could have, I risked everything. I could easily ruin myself. But his beauty was too exquisite. I needed to feel him. I needed to have him. No matter the cost or consequence.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from the STARZ show Spartacus is not mine.**

**A/N: Unable to help myself, I've started another story. I hope you enjoy it! I found this one exceptionally exciting to write!**

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_**Prologue**_

The villa was quiet. Even the wind dared not stir for the sake of being confronted by the villa's master. Lying on the cold stone of the small room I occupied, I tried not to breathe too heavily. Afraid that the shudders lying within each breath would make him return. Afraid that if he did I would not last the night. The thought had plagued my mind every night since I'd arrived, yet I still endured.

Shifting my weight, my body ached, making tears come to my eyes, the trenches in my back soiled and only partially healed. My dress was in ribbons, covered in dirt and blood. My legs had yet to return full feeling from my last encounter with the man who owned me. Owned me as one owns a cup or a bed. Owned me like a loaf of bread or the clothes on your back. Tears welled and rolled from the corners of my eyes as I choked back sobs as they attempted to come out. Wallowing in my grief, I heard footfalls coming ever closer. My heart started to race and I quickly scrambled into the nearest corner, not caring about the pain it caused me or the rattling of the shackle around my ankle.

Soon a shadow moved in front of the sheet of fabric that draped the doorway, standing there for several moments before a hand appeared and slowly pulled the drape aside, revealing a toned man of worth. His tall form hard with muscle, thick brown hair that was cut short, bangs flattened against his forehead. His eyes were as cold as steal, his thin lips practically invisible as he smiled evilly. Stepping into the room, I cowered in the corner, my chin digging into my chest as I tried to melt into myself. Hearing him step up to me, he bent down, moving a strand of hair that covered my face.

"How do you fare, my love?" He said with a voice like chocolate. Remaining silent, I couldn't even begin to bring myself to meet his eyes. Gripping my chin forcefully, he jerked my head up so I would meet his eyes. "You must know that I never wish to harm you. If only you'd see that."

"Then why do you continue to force yourself upon me?" I asked with a small voice.

"If you'd comply, I wouldn't have to." He replied with an ominous tone.

"Of course." I told him with a soft tone. "Apologies."

He sighed and cupped my face in his large hand. "See?" He smiled. "A little compliance will go a long way."

Nodding at him, he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. Giving me several kisses, I had to swallow the bile, unable to kiss him back. Suddenly he bit my lip, making me give a small yell as blood filled my mouth. Leaning away, he looked at me with a taut jaw, the anger I'd come to know well in his eyes. My eyes grew wide as I watched his muscles tense, pain streaking across my face as he slapped me. He didn't let me recover from the hit before his hands were on my arms, throwing me to the floor before he straddled me. There was nothing between him and I to stop what was about to happen. Unable to control my fear, I fought against him, thrashing my arms and legs to try and throw him off. He was too strong for me, especially in my weakened state, stopping, screaming, as he violently thrust himself up inside of me. Still trying to fight him off, memories of the past came flooding back, trying to lose myself in the moments where I was happy. Where I laid with a man that I loved and was not simply a toy to be played with. Those memories were all I had left to keep me going. The only reason I still fought against him. The only reason I fought to stay alive.

After he was done with me I once again lay limp on the floor, battered and bruised. I was losing my will to fight, deciding that it might just be easier to give in and be what he wanted me to be. But the thought was a betrayal in itself. I couldn't. I wouldn't. He would not destroy me. He could do what he wanted with my body, but my heart and soul was already taken by another. His memory would keep me alive. Knowing that he was out there and that someday, somehow, we would be together again. Simply the knowledge that he still lived would be enough for me.

Sleep would not take me, afraid of what would happen if I was caught unawares. I needed to be ready. Even if I couldn't stop him, I would still fight, knowing what was coming for me. Just when I felt the first wave of fatigue start to take over, I heard commotion in the villa. Sitting up, I listened to it before my master appeared in the doorway. Darting to the corner, he was on top of my before I could react. He lifted me from the ground and slammed me against the wall, allowing me to fall to the side. Straddling me, his lips tasted of wine as he pressed his lips against mine. His hands gripped my breasts with such force that I attempted to scream, though his hand against my throat quickly stifled me. I could feel his cock go hard against my thigh. Struggling against him, I managed to kick him off of me, making me scramble away from him till I was at the end of my chain. Gripping it, he yanked with all his might, making me jerk toward him on my back. Turning, I attempted to grip the smooth surface of the floor, my fingernails breaking off whole from the effort, my screams filling the room as I felt his hands once again on my flesh. With one more pull I was underneath him again. Lying atop my back, he once against thrust himself inside of me. He was clumsy with wine but managed to find his mark. I could feel warmth surrounding my cunt as pain erupted, knowing he had ripped me again. Fear slowly turned to anger, building until I had the courage to fight back, elbowing him in the face. He fell off of me, letting out a feral yell before he turned and scrambled back to me. Only now he came at me with fists and feet, beating me until I couldn't move. When he stood breathing hard, I attempted not to choke on the blood that was filling my mouth and sinuses.

"One day you will learn, my love." He told me. Coughing blood, he simply straightened his clothes and left the room.

Unable to even cry, I simply laid there. The end was near. His final lesson would take the last shreds of my humanity and then finally my life. I knew it was so. There was no stopping it anymore. As it was I felt too far gone to be able to fight him again. The next time he came calling would be the last. I couldn't take anymore. I'd rather my life end than give into him. I may be his slave but I would not live this way. I would not be a piece of meat to feed his insanity. I would not give him the satisfaction. Closing my eyes, I brought forth the happy memories that I held onto, bringing them to light behind the lids of my eyes. His boyish features. His blue eyes that made me melt. Strong hands that made me feel safe whenever they touched me. Imagining them on me now, I felt comforted. Even finding a small measure of well needed sleep.

Waking to commotion in the villa, fear once again encompassed me. Three times in the same day was far more than usual, even for him. He usually kept his visits to once a day or even every other, letting me recover before coming again. Making it more enjoyable for him. Moving to the corner, I couldn't help the shaking that started to set in as I waited for him to appear. Then I heard yelling. Something that was not normal for the villa. There were other slaves and a handful of guards but I hadn't had interaction with them in weeks. Only when a shadow appeared against the drape, the shape was different. The drape was slowly moved aside and a figure stepped in. Now tears filled my eyes, swiftly streaming down my face. The man in front of me was one I knew. For a moment I dared to believe that this hell was over. Dared to hope that I had been saved.


	2. A Life That Is Not Our Own

_**Chapter One: A Life That Is Not Our Own**_

The dry heat of the day was enough to drive anyone mad. We had been without rain for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like. The house was seeing the beginnings of a water shortage and soon we would be feeling the effects. We slaves more than anyone, the ones that mattered least of all. The gladiators would be the first after the masters of the house and their guests. Then, perhaps, we would get a share of the water. The thought alone made my mouth go dry. With the sun barely rising, I should have already been on the move to prepare the villa for the day. Domina had expectations and I had to make sure that they were upheld. Taking a moment to look at myself in the small mirror Domina had given to her body slaves, I took in my appearance. My long dark brown hair was braided over my shoulder, my light skin was clean and tanned, my green eyes shining and eye catching against the blue of the gown that draped over my body. It loosely covered almost half of me, showing off just enough skin to entice. I was slender, but with slightly more padding down my sides and over my hips, as well as a well-rounded rear that even I was proud of. I may not be the thinnest slave in the house but I made up for it in other ways, and I was still smooth figured enough to stave off any self-consciousness that would distract me from pleasing my Domina. More than that, I couldn't help but think that I was still able to attract a man, something I hoped to be able to do at some point in my life. Sighing, I raised myself onto the tip of my toes, stretching my calves, before moving from the little room, making my way barefoot through the villa.

I'd lived in this house my whole life. My mother had served under Titus Batiatus and Quintus Lentulus Batiatus after that with his wife Lucretia, a slave since she was a young woman. I was born here and had been raised by my mother until my early adolescence before she died. I was then raised by another slave who had a daughter of the same age as I. Both of us born and raised within these walls. I owed her everything. But, as with all good things in servitude, she too was taken from us. Leaving her daughter and me alone, bonded as sisters, to continue to serve our Dominus and Domina, falling into a daily routine that had encompassed our lives for as long as we could remember.

Finding Naevia, she told me what our Domina had requested and I quickly set out to see to it. Being a body slave was new to me and I found getting to know my Domina more intimately was a daunting task. Being the closest thing to your master was both nerve-racking and an honor. Naevia had been Domina's body slave for some time, helping and teaching me throughout this transition. Continuing to put together the food spread that Domina had asked for, I felt a certain level of privilege. I had risen as far as a slave could, though not on my own. I'd be nothing without Naevia. Pulling myself from my thoughts, I focused on the task at hand. I placed the various fruits, cheeses, mushrooms, and bread on a three tier platter, adorned with flowers and greenery. Just as I put the finishing touches on it, Domina came in with a raised brow as she looked at it.

"As beautiful as ever, Lea." She smiled.

"I try, Domina." I told her with a bow of my head.

"And you succeed." She said turning to me. "You have talent."

"I'm glad it pleases you."

"Always so modest." She stated. I simply bowed my head again.

"Naevia." Domina said, and the dark haired, deep olive skinned, beautiful slave came walking in obediently. "Will you please take Lea to help you get the wine?"

"Of course, Domina." Naevia replied with a bow of her head.

She met my eyes before turning and moving from the room with me right on her heels. Moving through the villa, we made our way to the lower level, where the wine was kept at the entrance to the ludus, the sounds of the gladiators coming forth.

"Are you well?" I asked her.

"Of course." She smiled. "Are you?"

"Yes." I replied with a smile. "As always."

"They haven't attempted to give you to anyone have they?" She asked concerned.

"No. There have been requests but so far Domina is happy with where I am." I told her.

"One of the few advantages." Naevia stated.

"As long as we can continue to please her we will live as well as any slave can ask for. Have I thanked you for your assistance in my elevation?" I asked.

"Many times." She smiled.

"I still thank you." I smiled appreciatively.

We could hear commotion from the inside the ludus next to us. They were always fighting and carrying on. Not wanting to draw attention to ourselves by a lengthy absence, we turned and made our way back to our Domina. We had become quite proficient at speaking in as few sentences as possible. There was never enough time to say everything we'd like. Even at night while we shared a small room, hard cots and a sandy floor. For a moment, just before we were in sight of the Domina, I touched her blue butterfly tattoo, still able to feel the itch of my own.

"Thank you, Naevia, Lea." Domina smiled as we placed it on the table with the food.

We stood in a corner of the room, watching as Domina enjoyed the spread that lay before her. Pouring her wine and water on request. As she moved from the room, we obediently followed. She moved to the balcony that overlooked the courtyard. We could hear the sound of practice swords clashing, the yelling as the gladiators were taught below us by Doctore, a former gladiator of the house. Making sure I stood behind my Domina, I looked out over the men below. They were a sight to see. Their bodies' sheening with sweat, making them glitter in the sun. The sight made me wet, wanting to put my hands on just one of their bodies, knowing that I couldn't and never would.

"Like what you see?" Domina asked, making me jump, realizing that I had been leaning too far over.

"My apologies, Domina." I said quickly.

"It is all right." She replied. "I too enjoy watching them."

"It is hard to resist." I stated, getting a sharp look from Naevia.

"Well, come, look closer." Domina said as she stood.

"I appreciate the opportunity, but I must respectfully decline." I told her, trying not to overstep my bounds.

"Come." Domina stated. "Naevia, you as well. I don't mind sharing the sight of the prizes of the house."

Moving forward tentatively, Naevia and I stood on either side of our Domina, taking in the men below. I couldn't help the quiver of pleasure that ran through me. A need rising in me that was begging to be quenched. Unable to help the small smile that crept onto my face, I put my hands on the railing, my eyes moved from gladiator to gladiator, trying to memorize them, wanting to be able to recall them in my dreams.

"The legends of Capua." Domina smiled. "They surely are a sight to behold."

"Yes, Domina." I said barely audible through my continuous awe.

"Just the sight of them makes me burn." She stated, her eyes lingering on Crixus's large form.

The gladiator, a Gaul, was nothing like the others. His body was of pure muscle, his face as beautiful as it was fierce. He was the Champion of Capua and had the highest standing of the ludus. He was magnificent. Looking toward the balcony, Crixus's gaze lingered on his master with wanting eyes, before seeing them move Naevia. He glanced at me before moving back to Naevia. Domina only stood a few minutes before moving back into the villa, meaning that we too were to leave the balcony. Sighing, I looked at Naevia, giving the gladiators one last look before we followed our Domina. Now that she had been fed and entertained, it was time for a bath, a task that always took a long while. Standing on the sidelines of the pool, I averted my eyes out of respect, not caring to watch all the nudeness in the pool in front of me. No matter how common a scene it was.

"Lea?" Domina said gently.

"Domina?" I replied.

"My husband will be back from market soon. Make sure there is wine and food prepared for him."

"Of course, Domina." I said and took my leave of the room.

My bare feet made little sound on the ground as I moved through the villa. Turning a corner, I took a sharp intake of air as I ran into a hard chest. Looking up, my eyes met those of Ashur.

"My apologies." I told him with a small smile, making to move around him, only to have him stay in my path. Meeting his eyes again, I frowned at the expression on his face. "I am on orders from Domina." I stated.

"You must have a few minutes to spare." He whispered with a half-smile that sent chills down my spine.

"Dominus will be back any minute and I must prepare for his return." I told him coldly.

The look in his eyes was dangerous. For whatever reason, Dominus and Domina trusted him. But I took him for a rat that was waiting for the opportune moment to show himself for who he really was. He stared at me for a moment longer before he stepped aside. Moving past him, I could still feel the weight of his gaze on me. Moving swiftly, I went to the kitchen, relieved to be in the company of others.

"Are you alright?" Persephone, another slave, asked me.

"Of course." I smiled at her.

"You seem shaken." She added.

"I am fine." I stated, my tone telling her to let it go.

She simply smiled and continued polishing the silver, making sure it shined. Gathering what I needed, I put together as small spread of fruit, cheese, and bread, placing it next to a goblet of wine. As soon as it was done, I returned to Domina, letting her know that it was complete.

"I'm sure it's as lovely as the one you put together for me." She grinned.

"Of course, Domina." I told her.

"Thank you, Lea." She replied. "Now come, let's walk the villa."

Following our master, we walked through the house. Domina would periodically adjust something, or move something to a different table. She'd stop and admire the artwork on the wall. Then she'd turn and bark orders at the slaves as they passed by. All the while, Naevia and I trailed behind her, fulfilling her every whim. We ended in her quarters, looking at all the stolas she owned. She put some in different piles, others she smiled at as if remembering a memory from when she wore it. When she finally put everything away she turned to us.

"Go make yourselves busy." She said lazily. "I am going to retire for a while."

"Domina." We both said in unison, bowing our heads before we left her.

Moving through the villa, we returned to the little room that we shared. Falling backward on my cot, I closed my eyes, enjoying the silence and the small feeling of freedom, knowing it would be gone in a moment. Before long our names would be called and we'd once again return to our Domina's side.

"What happened?" Naevia asked softly.

"What do you mean?" I retorted as I opened my eyes to meet hers.

"When you went to prepare for Dominus's return. Something happened, didn't it?"

"Ashur." I told her and sighed.

"He watches you often." She stated.

"You as well." I pointed out. "It would seem that both of us have caught his eye."

"I'd rather have anyone other than him watching." She said softly with a sad frown.

"Me as well." I replied as I put my hand out toward her.

Taking it, she smiled as I squeezed it reassuringly. Standing up, I straightened my dress before going to the doorway.

"Where are you going?" Naevia frowned.

"For a walk." I replied.

"Don't go down there again." She told me.

"I can't help it. My blood rises at the sight of every one of them."

"You act like you've never seen them before every time new ones arrive." She scolded.

"I am a woman after all." I smirked at her.

"You are something." She finally smiled.

Moving from the room, I made my way to the bowls of the ludus, knowing well what I was risking by lingering in places I shouldn't. But I had become a shadow. I knew every crevice of the ludus and knew how to keep myself hidden. I had become quite good at it after years of playing games as a young child. Smirking at myself, I moved down the steps, stopping at the gate to the gladiators' cage. Even the smell of the men made me quiver in all the right places. Sitting against the bars, I simply listened to them. Listened to them quarrel and fight. Listened to their voices rise and fall. Pulling my dress up past my thighs, I put my hand between my legs, my fingers feeling for the sweet spot. Closing my eyes, I listened as I started to rub myself, feeling the pulse of pleasure start to rise. I was just about to push my fingers inside of me when there was the sound of something metal hitting metal. Disappearing behind hanging fabric, I attempted to disappear. But the footsteps that I heard were too familiar and I knew that there was no hiding from them.

"What are you doing down here?" A deep voice asked. I remained silent. "I know you are there, Lea."

Sighing, I moved into sight of the dark skinned man. "Doctore."

"I asked you a question." He demanded. Lowering my head, I was too ashamed to answer him. He nodded as if he already knew the answer. "You know you shouldn't be down here."

"I know." I replied sheepishly.

"Return to your quarters. I can only assume Domina is resting if you're down here." He said eyeing me, though his expression remained softer then it usual was.

"Yes, Doctore." I told him with a bow of my head, turning and moving back up the stairs.

"Lea." He said stopping me. Turning, I met his eyes. "Be careful. Domina would not appreciate you coming down here."

"I will." I told him before making my way back to my quarters.

I was embarrassed but knew that he hadn't seen anything. Finding Naevia in the gathering space, we exchanged a smile as I took a rag and started to help my sister clean, occupying our time before Domina woke. Once that happened we would once again be on the move to please her. It was easier than you would think. We really were lucky to have found masters who were kinder then most and treated their slaves with decency. We weren't run into the ground and we were healthy. Something that others weren't as fortunate to possess. Despite that, our daily life as a slave was nothing glamorous. A lot of standing and waiting, doing everything we were told. Your life depended on how happy you made your masters. We had succeeded so far. But I had to be careful that I didn't ruin it. As the years went by, restlessness was starting to take over. Doing the same thing over and over again was draining. All I wanted was to do something different. I needed a change of pace. Something to keep me moving. Something to make it seem like life was yet worth something other than following orders and bowing before others. Naevia helping my elevation sated me for now. But I knew there was more to life and I wanted to taste it. Wanted to know what it was like to lounge in fancy gowns and feast on salted pork and a never ending supply of strawberries. Every night before I fell asleep, I vowed that I would one day know what that felt like. I would be free and would rise higher than anyone would think possible. I was strong enough. Naevia would be with me and together we would rule our own house of free slaves, helping those who cannot help themselves. It was a bold dream, but one that deserved to be seen through, whether I succeeded or not.


	3. The Arrival

_**Chapter Two: The Arrival**_

The house was alive with activity as the villa prepared for the day ahead. We would be going to the games. The games of Capua. Senator Albinius had invited my masters to sit in the pulvinus. Dominus and Domina were both extremely excited about this turn of events. As much as they wanted their affairs to be kept hidden, we were aware of their money shortage as well as our ever depleting water supply. We were in trouble, though our masters rarely let anything show. But by being body slaves we heard far more than most and were well aware of their situation. Today was going to change that. Batiatus was going to work his magic and put us in better straights by the end of the day. We had no idea how, but he usually stayed true to his word. There was still hope for our little domain.

"I don't know." Domina said as she looked at her reflection.

"I have something else in mind if you don't like it." I told her.

"Have your way then." She told me.

Straightening her brilliant red hair, I re-curled them until they bounced at least an inch when pulled. Taking several strands of it, I braided them, wrapping them in a fashionable bun at the back of her head, letting a small amount drape down her back and over her shoulders the way I knew she liked. Taking two braids, I wrapped them across the top of her head before making them beautifully disappear into the bun. When I was done, I stepped back as she took herself in. Standing, she turned to me with a smile on her face.

"Your talents may exceed your worth." She told me.

"Thank you, Domina." I told her with a bow of my head.

She walked from the room, a proud look on her face as she rejoined her husband. Following, Naevia fell in step next to me. We soon followed our masters to the door as they readied for departure. Unable to attend ourselves, we would wait for their return from the games. Hopefully with news that would bring better times to the house.

"Do you think they'll succeed?" I asked Naevia as we put right Domina's room.

"They've always come through before." She replied.

"Yes, there has been few times where we have suffered." I nodded.

"Did you find what you were looking for at the door to the gladiators?" She asked with a hard tone.

"I know you don't approve of me going down there." I replied.

"No. The last thing I wish to see is something horrible befall you." She said stopping and meeting my eyes. "If you get caught you know what will happen. We've lost enough in our lives; I'd prefer to not lose you as well."

"Nothing will happen to me." I told her gently, my tone serious. "I know what I risk but I also know how to move without being seen."

"The costs greatly outweigh your needs." She shot back at me.

"I understand your concerns, Naevia." I retorted, growing annoyed. "I will stop going down there if it means that much to you."

"It does." She replied with a softer tone.

"Then let it be done." I told her and left the room, finding things to busy myself with elsewhere.

It had been many years since I was seen as a child. I was a grown woman and could think for myself. Despite my position in life I had my own thoughts and dreams of what I wanted out of life. I wanted what my masters had. The love of a man. A home to tend. Beautiful gowns. I was eager to earn my freedom, but after these long years I had to succumb to the fact that it would never come. I would live in this house until the day I died. The day that I was no longer useful would bring my death. Moving with purpose, I washed Domina's garments before hanging them to dry. Returning to Domina's chambers, I finished putting away all of her lavish hair pins and jewelry.

"Are you in a better mood?" Naevia asked.

"Would it matter?" I retorted. "I can still not take leave from you for long."

Smiling, she put her hand on my shoulder. "I only speak out of concern for you, sister."

"I know." I smiled back.

We embraced momentarily before we were interrupted by the clearing of a throat, Ashur's, form entering the room.

"What do you want?" I shot at him.

"Such sentimental talk makes my cock stir." He grinned.

"Nothing for your ears to hear." I retorted with disdain. "You should not be in Domina's quarters."

"True, but the voices coming from within were too lovely to ignore." He stated and his eyes moved to Naevia.

"I suggest you leave immediately." I told him stepping in front of her. "We wouldn't want anything unfortunate to happen to you."

"As long as you see it done, I will not argue." He grinned evilly.

"Get out." I repeated, unafraid of him.

The smile remained on his face but he gave a subtle bow of his head before he left the room. Turning to Naevia, we shared a concerned look.

"He's becoming too bold." She commented.

"Dominus has lengthened his leash too much." I added, my eyes moving back to the doorway.

"You must be careful." She told me.

"Not just I, but you as well." I told her, my concern growing.

When it came to will and fight, I held more than her, I was worried that if Ashur made a move she would not be able to defend herself. I knew I could hold my own, but she…she was perfect. Domina made sure we remained untainted. But there was more than one way to taint a person. I would protect her till the end.

"Do not fear. Domina would not allow us to come to harm." Naevia smiled.

"I know." I nodded. "But it's the moment when she isn't here that I fear."

Remaining together and with other house slaves, we continued to work, before retreating to our small room, waiting for our masters return. The sun was set when they finally came back through the gates. We rushed upstairs to fall in line behind Domina. She seemed unpleased with her husband as she quickly made her way to their quarters. Though we stopped by the pool that was now bone dry from the drought.

"The pool's dry." She told her husband as he strode up.

"Yes, we need rain." He told her as he moved past her.

"Money would also see it filled." She retorted as she followed him.

"We need that too." He replied.

"How fares your new pet?" She asked, the reason for her mood coming clear.

"He breathes."

"His cost was enough for us to fill the pool for a month. You paid beyond the asking."

"I paid his worth, Lucretia."

"Spartacus is a corpse yet walking." Domina told him, he simply sighed in response. "How long before he takes his place in the grave, dragging your investment with him?"

"Not before he serves his purpose." He told her holding up a message he had received. "From the Legatus Claudius Glaber."

All the while Naevia was taking the clothes from her back as I took the pins from her hair, listening, knowing we were hearing more than we should, but trusted and loyal enough to not say a word. Though my mind wanted to know who this Spartacus was. If he was the reason my Domina was so anxious and Dominus pleased, he had to be someone of worth. Though my curiosity was someone quenched.

"He comes here?" Domina asked as she sat, taking the paper from his hands.

"Two days hence."

"Well, his reason for his visit is absent."

"In words, but the meaning shines. He comes to thank me." Dominus smiled.

"For what? For paying too much for the Thracian?" She mocked as she lounged, letting us continue to prepare her for bed.

"Spartacus defied Glaber's attempt at assassination in the arena. The people demanded freedom—an embarrassment for the Legatus. I offered an alternative by purchasing him."

"At an inflated price."

"If Spartacus survives to swear the oath, the arena will be his tomb as first intended. If not-"

"Then his passing becomes an early delight for the Legatus." Domina finished for him.

Dominus was now naked before his wife, a look of desire on her face, almost hungry. "Desires well nudged."

Looking at his penis he shrugged. "Ah. There's yet more stroking needed." Domina nodded at one of the female slaves, who immediately came and knelt in front of her Dominus, sucking his dick to make him hard for his wife. Domina looked at Naevia, who sat next to her, her hand moving underneath the sparse gown she wore, her fingers rubbing her master's clitoris before pushing them inside of her. "A simple gesture of gratitude from the Legatus falls short. Patronage is the reward we seek…nothing less." He said as he grunted, gripping the hair of the slave on her knees before him.

Domina was quivering against Naevia's pleasure as her eyes were locked on her husband. "The Legatus as patron-"

Dominus smiled, "His coins will fill our pool to overflowing."

"We need to prepare a feast…"

"A small one."

"…with wine, and water—lots of water."

"Just enough to wet the tongue." He said before pushing the slave off of him.

Domina pushed Naevia's hand away before attacking her husband with the pleasure that had been brought to the surface. Taking our leave, we returned to our little room, though my eyes moved toward the stairs as we passed.

"I know what you're thinking." Naevia said as we readied ourselves for bed.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I lay down.

"You made me a promise." She reminded.

"And I haven't broken it." I shot her.

"Yet." She added. "I saw your face when they mentioned this Spartacus."

"Think nothing of it." I told her rolling so my back was facing her. "I will not break my promise."

"You will shame me if you do." She added before the torches were blown out.

Without replying, I shut my eyes, hoping sleep would come swiftly.

Come morning, Naevia was already gone when I awoke. Preparing for the day, I found her bathing Domina for the day. Waiting until they were finished, I helped Domina from the pool, draping her robe over her shoulders before following her to her chambers. Sitting down, I moved to her hair, making it look as exquisite as I could. Soon we were on the move, meeting Dominus and walking out onto the balcony. The new recruits for gladiator training had arrived. They were already with Doctore. He was giving a speech about sacred ground and what was expected of them. As we walked out he looked up at the balcony, introducing their new master. Then Batiatus spoke, his words motivating to the gladiators below, showing expectations to the recruits.

"You have been blessed, each and every one of you. You find yourselves here in the ludus of Quintus Lentulus Batiatus, purveyor of the finest gladiators in all the republic! Prove yourselves in the hard days to follow. Prove yourselves more than a common slave, more than a man! Fail, and die, here where you stand or be sold off to the mines. Succeed, and stand proud among my titans!" He called out over the men below, erupting cheers of his name from his gladiators.

From where I stood off to the side and near the wall, I could still see the men below. They were filthy. A few looked scared, others looked proud, but there was one that looked determined. His expression giving away nothing and yet his posture said everything. He was strong. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the Spartacus that everyone had been talking about. Taking just a few steps forward to see them better, I glanced a wicked glare from my sister. Ignoring her warning, I continued to look at the line of men before me. Periodically they would raise their eyes, looking at those that were watching over them. Accidentally meeting the eyes of one, a shock ran through me, making me look away. Daring to glance up, his eyes were no longer on me but I couldn't help but stare at him. My eyes lingering far longer than they should have. Too long, for I soon felt Domina's eyes on me as well. Stepping back, I bowed my head, closing my eyes; I forced myself from looking back at the men before me. In this moment, the string of fear had been pricked and even I knew that I was hovering over a line that shouldn't be crossed. Standing there for quite some time, attempting not to listen to what was happening down below; I was relieved when we finally turned back inside so Doctore could continue his training.

Dominus was called away, leaving Domina, Naevia, and I to decide what spread of food was going to be made to please Glaber and his wife Ilithyia when they arrived tomorrow. Many preparations still needed to be done. Trailing behind Domina and Naevia, my mind moved through everything that could happen if I overstepped by station. But the shame I would bring to my sister was the only thought that mattered. I couldn't face her if she looked at me with shame in her eyes and no words on her lips.

Come night fall, our little room was quiet, both of us sitting on our beds facing each other. For a moment I couldn't meet her eyes. I knew what she was going to say. She was to scold me for my wicked thoughts and to make sure they were pushed from my mind. Finally looking at her, there was only concern in her eyes.

"I will not let you down." I told her.

"Domina asked me of you today." She replied.

"In what way?" I frowned.

"She believes your interest in the gladiators a concern." She replied.

"Then I must ease her mind." I stated standing, starting to pace our little space.

"I've already spoken in your defense. It is not as if she does not know you. You've lived here as long as I. She knows when something is amiss and she sees it in you. Why do you think I've been asking you to keep your place and stay away from the lower levels? We are here for one purpose and one purpose alone and that is to please Domina."

"I know." I told her. "I am sorry. I will do better."

"I know what you are feeling. I feel it too. But we must be careful. You know who Domina's eyes linger on. If she thought yours did as well then trouble will be had." She further warned.

"Crixus is a beautiful man but I hold no feelings toward him." I assured her.

"It does not matter what is, what appears to be is what will cause you trouble. She will not likely ask you about it before she acts." She told me quickly.

"I know." I nodded, sitting next to her. "But there is a stirring inside of me that is proving difficult to ignore." I confided.

"It will pass." She said taking my hand.

"I hope so, and quickly." I replied resting my head on her shoulder.

Soon the torches were extinguished and Naevia's heavy breathing soon followed. But the gods would not grant me sleep this night. Sitting up, I took a long moment as I tried to talk myself out of what my heart was telling me to do. Deciding that tonight would be the last night I risk my safety or that of my sister.

Standing, I moved through the shadows, moving toward the sound of men. Peering out the doorway to the balcony, I saw the new recruits still being pushed by Doctore. Slipping down to the level of the courtyard, I could see the men through the gates. Sitting in the corner shadows, I watched them as they carried beams on their shoulders, walking in circles. Sweat beaded their foreheads, running down the length of their necks. But my eyes followed only one, unable to help it. There was something about the man that instantly drew me to him. There were no words for it. Simply a feeling deep inside my chest that I could not ignore. One moment. My eyes meeting his, for the briefest of moments, was all it had taken. To him the look meant nothing. To me it was everything. So whether it was right or wrong, I sat and watched. If I could simply memorize his form then I could recall upon it on a whim and be happy. Even if he was out of sight. My longing was inappropriate, I knew that, but I couldn't help myself. Even Naevia wouldn't be able to deny such desires if she felt them. Sitting for several hours, it took all of me to pull myself away from the sight. Finally returning to my bed, I closed my eyes, knowing I only had a few hours of sleep ahead of me, praying for dreams of him and him alone. The gods did not disappoint.


	4. Temptation

_**Chapter Three: Temptation**_

Come morning, I was awoken early, hardly any sleep being had. Domina had asked that I see to the preparations for Glaber's visit. I knew I couldn't disappoint and immediately set myself to the task at hand. Several times I could hear the practice swords and yells from the men that were just feet away from me. Keeping myself busy, I refused to linger on any sounds from them that met my ears. I would keep my distance. I would do what was expected of me. I would please my sister.

"No, strawberries." I repeated when I was given the news, attempting to keep my voice even. "How many times do I have to tell you?" I shot at one of the house slaves. "Domina relishes strawberries."

"But we have none." Lamantha told me.

"No excuses." I told her. "They are a constant in this house and now you're telling me that there is none."

"I am sorry." She replied and bowed before me.

"Where's Ashur?" I asked.

"I am here, Lea." He grinned as he came into sight.

"I am in need of your assistance." I told him.

"I never thought I'd hear you say those words." He said and leaned in for a kiss.

"Not in that way." I corrected him.

"My services require something in return." He told me.

Knowing his meaning, I took his wrist, leading him where others would not see. "And what would you ask of me?"

"You wish to please Domina, yes?" He smiled.

"Do not state the obvious." I frowned at him, wanting to spit at his feet.

"I demand a kiss in return for whatever it is you are in need of." He told me.

For a moment I simply looked at him, and then made my decision. Pulling his face to mine, I kissed him deeply, my tongue playing with his as I gave him what he sought. He pressed his body against mine as our lips moved, letting the kiss linger for a moment longer before I pulled away, my hand still on the back of his head.

"You will procure what I need?" I asked him.

"As many strawberries as I can get, my lady." He replied with a smile and a bow.

"I thank you, Ashur." I told him, kissing him lightly without my eyes ever leaving his.

He stepped away from me with a pleasant grin on his face. If a few kisses was all it took to keep him at bay and keep my Domina happy I would do it. Naevia would be displeased but Ashur was the least of our worries. If I had my heart's desire, Ashur would be the last on the list. He was nothing but a mongrel. One best well fed. My only concern was Domina. Nothing else.

"You are eager to please today." Naevia stated when we had a moment alone.

"I am eager to make sure Domina is pleased. Is that not my purpose?" I replied.

"I did not mean to offend. I was just pointing out that you seem overzealous." She told me.

"I am simply trying to keep my word to you." I retorted. "Domina asked me to see to the preparations and I will not disappoint her. She needs to please Glaber and his wife. I will see that it is done. I am good at arranging things."

"Yes you are." She said making me meet her eyes. "Gratitude."

"None of that yet." I told her. "First I have to succeed. Today is the day I begin anew. I will impress Domina and once again be in her favor without question of my intentions."

"That is enough for me to grant thanks to." She told me softly.

"No, I thank you." I replied and hugged her quickly before going to see to the wine supply for the evening.

The day was spent preparing for the evening's festivities. Little time to think of anything else but what was to come. I grasped the task with both hands, needed to be distracted from what I truly wanted to think about. Pushing any thought of him from my mind, I continued to try and focus on the task at hand. It did well as a distraction. The incompetence of those that surrounded me were enough to drive a person mad. Trying to get anything done was like trying to pry ones teeth from ones mouth. But it was the distraction that I needed. It kept my mind from wandering away from what was important. Domina and Dominus was all that mattered. I needed to remind myself of this and make it so. I would not let Domina down. I would please her to no ends if it was the last thing I did.

"Do you have them?" I asked Ashur the next time I saw him.

"Of course, my lady." He said with a bow. "I have delivered them to the cook."

"I hope you won't find it undeserving if I give you nothing more for your assistance." I told him.

"Of course not." He replied. "I've already received what I asked for."

"And you will receive nothing more." I stated. "Though I am grateful for your help."

"Feel free to call upon me again if the situation sees fit." He smiled before taking his leave.

I was grateful for his absence. He had gotten a taste. A taste was all that was needed. I knew he would be back for more. He wasn't the type of man to take a taste and then leave the rest. He'd want all that I could offer. Something he was willing to take. Only he did not know what I was capable of. I would stop him from any advance outside of my control. If he attempted to lay hands on me then he would learn the meaning of pain. I may not know as much as he, but I would fight till the end. No matter the cost.

"Lea." Domina said as she came into sight.

"Domina." I said quickly bowing.

"Everything looks remarkable." She said as she smiled upon everything I'd done thus far. "Glaber will have no choice but to be impressed."

"I do what I can, Domina." I told her.

"And more." She smiled.

"It pleases me to do as you ask."

"Then how can I be anything but pleased." She said as she stepped up to me.

"Your words make my heart sore." I told her with a bow of my head.

Another slave then stepped into the room, announcing that Glaber approached. Domina quickly saw to the final preparations, while Naevia and I did the same, separate from her side. When all was done, we stood several paces behind our Domina as she and Dominus greeted our guests. While Glaber immediately sought words with Spartacus, his wife Ilithyia and Domina shared words, learning each other's personalities as swiftly as possible. All the while, the only thing my ears could hear was the sound of the gladiators in the courtyard just feet away from me. However, it wasn't just my ears that were drawn to them. Soon Ilithyia moved to the balcony, looking out at them. Just the grin on her face made me long to behold them as well. Shutting my eyes, I recalled the images from the night before, molding them into sight to satisfy my longing. When Domina joined Ilithyia on the balcony, Naevia followed, staying near her. Thessela, Ilithyia's body slave, doing the same with her own. The slave girl was fiercely loyal to her Domina. Something that she and Naevia shared, leaving me lagging behind just slightly in that aspect. She turned and looked at me, a subtle frown on her face. Shaking my head, I looked toward the balcony before meeting her eyes again. Understanding moved across her face, giving me a subtle nod before turning back to Domina.

"Lea, wine." Domina spoke to me.

"Yes, Domina." I replied and quickly poured two goblets of wine, putting them on a tray before bringing it forward.

Attempting to keep my eyes from the men below, I held the tray out to Domina and her guest. Domina took the cup but Ilithyia's eyes remained glued on the men below. Unable to keep my gaze from them, I looked over the balcony. Seeing the one I craved made my cunt tingle. But then my eyes fell on Crixus. His eyes met those of Naevia, mine shooting to hers to take in her expression. She seemed indifferent though her eyes moved to him again as he turned away. Suddenly my needs were shadowed by the sight of trouble. She had warned me of my wandering eyes, only it was her who held the eyes of the most dangerous gladiator here. Domina would not allow such a thing to be. Not even a glance would be accepted. My thoughts had yet to cease when Glaber appeared, summoning his wife, they were to leave immediately for Rome. Thanking Domina for her hospitality, Ilithyia placed a kiss upon Domina's lips before following her husband from the villa. The small feast was wasted on the visit as they departed without another word.

Once they were out of sight, I was ordered to take down everything I had put up. I was slow to the task, relishing the silence it offered. The courtyard was quiet, leaving nothing more than my thoughts to distract me. Though my thoughts drifted in directions that surprised me. I had been so absorbed with my own selfish thoughts that I had missed something that was right in front of me. Something that could be nothing, but my sister would be made a hypocrite if she was keeping anything from me. I've always been forthcoming with her. Knowing that she could be trusted beyond any other person I knew. But in this moment, with one look, I thought her a liar. I only hoped that when confronted she would tell me different. Thoughts that stayed with me as I sought her out when we were unneeded for a short time.

"I have a worry." I told her quietly, though the concern was thick on my tongue.

"Then speak, sister, and tell me your thoughts." She replied with curiosity.

"I fear that you may be in the same position as I." I stated.

"Explain." She frowned.

"Whose eyes was it that was locked onto yours on the balcony?" I replied. She did not reply. "Even I could feel the weight of his gaze on you."

"Think nothing of it, Lea." She told me truthfully.

"It's hard to miss, the way his eyes beheld you." I retorted.

"And I care not." She shot at me. "It does not matter where his eyes fall. He belongs to Domina. I know my place."

"You say it as if I do not." I shot back at her.

There was a long pause before she spoke again, her tone soft, warm, and sad. "When did we become so at odds with each other?"

"I do not know." I told her, my tone also softening. "When did we grow up?" I smiled at her, lightening the mood, gaining a smile from her. "What we see has changed. What we want has changed. It may be wrong but we are still human. We have the same emotions as the people who rule over us."

"Only we have no voice." She reminded.

"True. But Domina is unlike any other master. She cares for us more than other Dominas'."

"You speak truth, but even _she_ has her limits."

Growing silent, we were soon summoned to Domina's side, helping her prepare for what the night would bring. She in all her glory would have to stay as Dominus's side, for tonight was the final test for the gladiators. They had been given the skills to survive. Now they had to prove themselves worthy of further training, winning a chance to take part in the arena. If they passed they'd be marked with Batiatus's 'B', binding them to this house until death or debt paid, buying the fresh air of freedom. For most, death will come far sooner than any hope of freedom. A hope that will soon be extinguished as they watch those around them fall and their will beaten out of them like the animals they were seen as.

As soon as the sun was set, torches were lit, a gentle light illuminating the courtyard. A small stage was erected that the gladiators would fight upon. They would be paired with the more experienced of the men, fighting to the death or until Dominus decided they had proved themselves. Naevia and I stood just a few steps behind Domina as she and Dominus stood at the balcony overseeing the ordeal. The gladiators were in clear sight as they stood in an arch around the stage so all could witness what transpired. My eyes once again moved to a single man. He held himself strong, the look on his face determined, set on the task at hand. He was perfectly toned, his jawline chiseled, the epitome of beauty with his curly blond hair and blue eyes. Eyes that even from where I stood held me as none ever had, even when they weren't looking upon me. A small smile graced my lips for the briefest of moments as I took him in. Varro was his name. Beautiful. Though his name could have been anything and it would not matter. He was beautiful.

Curiously looking to Crixus, I once again saw his eyes linger on Naevia. An attraction had been made and it seemed it wasn't fleeting. She met his eyes but didn't keep them, she knew better, but I could already see the wanting in her eyes. She was feeling the same thing that I was. And my heartstrings were pulling as I watched Varro climb up onto the platform, Gnaeus climbing up the other side, swords and shields in hand. They faced each other, the look of determination on their faces. Though Gnaeus looked cocky, making me worry for Varro's safety.

"Be still." Naevia said stepping next to me.

Smiling at her, I nudged her gently before looking back at the two men as the sound of the fight started. Varro had thrown the first blow and several that followed. Gnaeus was letting him tire before he started his own assault. Varro fought back, laying blows as often as he could. It took all of me to stay in place when his sword was hit from his hand. Using his shield, he defended himself against Gnaeus as he continuously brought his sword down on top of it. Naevia went as far to grip my wrist as I tensed at the sight.

"Cease!" Batiatus said raising his hands. "Varro has stood to a draw. The test is passed."

A sense of relief filled me as I watched him, grin and all, climb from the platform. Looking at Naevia, I smiled, knowing that he would live to fight another day. Barca and Marcus went next, the fight ending quickly with Barca taking Marcus's life. It was hard to watch, yet blood and death was a part of my life. Something seen more often than not.

"Crixus. Spartacus. Positions." Doctore called next.

It was Naevia's turn to look anxious. Spartacus had single-handedly defeated four men in the arena. However, Crixus was the Undefeated Gaul, a champion. He was, by far, the stronger fighter. He would undoubtedly win. I could tell that it would be to my sister's liking if he did.

Spartacus was strong but still no match for Batiatus's champion. Crixus was quick to bring Spartacus to his knees, forcing him onto his back. Crixus was all about the show, making the fight what everyone wanted to see. A drawn out murder. It appeared the victor was Crixus, when Spartacus pulled something out from under him, causing Crixus to fall from the platform, landing hard on his back. Dropping next to him, Spartacus pulled back his sword, ready to spill the Gaul's blood, when Dominus stopped him, ending the fight and giving Spartacus a pass for the test. Spartacus recognized our master as Dominus, a pleasing look crossing Batiatus's face. It was clear that some deal had been struck and Spartacus had just accepted it. I knew not what it was but I knew that it could only mean a gain for the house…Spartacus's loyalty.

"That went well." Dominus said when it was all over, turning back inside.

"Yes indeed." Domina smiled, following her husband.

"Send one of your slaves to assist in tending the men." He told her.

My heart skipped a beat at hearing his words. Wanting to be chosen for the task. Longing for a moment to see Varro face to face. I was afraid my expression gave me away when Domina looked at me, her eyes lingering for a long moment.

"Lea, the guards will take you down below and lead you to Doctore. Tell him that you are to help the Medicus." Domina finally told me.

"Domina." I said, bowing before being lead to Doctore.

"What do you need?" The dark man asked when I stepped up to him.

"I was sent to help tend to the gladiators." I replied.

He eyed me suspiciously before saying, "Come."

Following him into the bowls of the ludus, he led me to the Medicus's chambers where the wounded were sitting and waiting to be tended.

"What is she doing here?" Medicus asked Doctore.

"She was sent to assist you." He replied.

"What does she know about tending to the wounded?" He shot at him.

"Far more than you think." I answered for him. "I am more skilled then probably yourself." I added with disdain. He was far from likable in my eyes.

"You speak with a false tongue." He frowned at me. I simply raised my brow at him. "We shall see." Medicus frowned at me, tuning away.

"Be careful." Doctore told me. "Your tongue may be your undoing."

"It's not the first time I've heard that." I smiled at the careful man.

"And I foresee that it will not be the last." He said with a subtle bow of his head.

"It is a good thing I have you to keep an eye on me." I added. He winked at me with the most subtle of smiles a rarity in itself.

Turning away from him, I was abruptly halted as my hands met flesh, not seeing the man behind me. About to apologize, I looked up to see the blue eyes of the man I had so longed to meet. His hands gripped my arms to steady me from the impact, his eyes meeting mine, looking with such softness I could hardly believe that he had looked so vicious before. Opening my mouth to say something, I found that no sound would come out. He smiled a half smile that made me go weak in the knees. Keeping his hands on my arms, he released my eyes as he moved and sat on one of the tables, before his hands fell away from me.

"Apologies." I said quickly tucking my hair behind my ear.

"None needed." He smiled.

Fetching a bowl of warm water and a rag, I took to cleaning his wounds. They were minor, but now that he had passed the test he was able to embrace the full favors of the house. Gently trailing the damp rag across his skin, I couldn't help but feel the heat rise in my cheeks, especially when his eyes lingered on my face as I lifted his chin with the side of my hand, tending to a cut upon his brow.

"You will not require any stitching. It will heal nicely." I told him, gently touching the open wound.

"Good." He smiled.

Gently bowing my head, I continued on to the other wounds that covered his body. I couldn't help the occasional graze of my fingers against his flesh. Running my fingers across the red areas on his skin. Taking deep breaths as to remember his scent. When I could no longer prolong our encounter, I stepped away from him, taking him in.

"It is done." I smiled at him.

"Gratitude." He smiled, standing. "What is your name?" He asked.

"Lea." I replied, a fluttering in my stomach.

"Varro." He smiled with a slight bow of his head. "It was a pleasure."

Smiling, I couldn't form words as he turned and left the room. Sitting where he had just been, I had to take several deep breaths to calm my racing heart. One encounter, the smallest conversation, had further woken the feelings inside of me. Feeling eyes on me, I helped tend the other men, Spartacus and Crixus not among them. I had hoped to meet Varro, my hope answered, leaving me as happy as any slave could be.

"I may have been mistaken." Medicus told me as I readied myself to leave, cleaning the blood and dirt from my hands.

Smiling, I turned to him, handing him the towel when he stepped up to me, "Gratitude."

"You were a great help. I will tell Dominus the same." He said though it sounded slightly forced. No man wanted to prove a woman right.

"Again, gratitude." I told him. "My mother taught me well."

"Agreed." He told me. "I may find need of you again in the future."

Smiling, I gave a subtle bow before taking my leave. Returning to my quarters, Naevia sat waiting for me, standing as soon as I entered the room. Smiling, I quickly sat next to her, taking her hands in mine.

"Were you lucky enough to meet him?" She smiled.

"And able to touch his flesh." I grinned at her. "He's tall. Just tall enough that'd I'd have to rise onto my toes to kiss him so he wouldn't have to bend to meet me." I told her as my imagination ran wild. "He is more marvelous in person then he is from the height of the balcony."

"I can see your heart swells toward him." She told me with a worried smile, "As well as your imagination."

"Do not fear." I told her. "The likelihood of me ever being that close to him again is slim to none, without the eyes of our masters on us."

"I fear for your safety if anything should happen." She told me with a soft smile. "I only wish the best for you."

"As I you." I smiled. "I once again saw Crixus's eyes upon you."

"He does not know what he sees." She said averting her eyes.

"He knows beauty when he sees it." I smiled, catching her eyes again.

"We should sleep." She told me. "Morning will come all too soon."

Nodding at her, we took to our beds; happy dreams filling my mind as sleep quickly took me. Dreaming of secret encounters. Of passion. Of feeling love from the man that made my heart skip a beat.


	5. Ever Seeking

_**Chapter Four: Ever Seeking**_

Waking in the morning with a smile on my face, I'd once again dreamt of the man I so longed for. Days had passed but my mind was still fresh with the sight, touch, and smell of Varro. I knew it was wrong to have such a longing, but I could not help it. The time spent watching him train, the same half smile crossing his face as he grew close to Spartacus, the same smile that filled my dreams.

Getting up, I lifted myself onto the tip of my toes, stretching before making myself ready for the day. Naevia and I put our hair up in braids before going and tending to Domina. Seeing her bathed and her hair made perfect atop her head. Following her to breakfast and then to the balcony to join her husband as they watched the men train. I had gained prowess at keeping my distance from the balcony railing but still positioned myself to watch the man I so craved. Ever to the distaste of Naevia. She understood, but her worry for me much outweighed her understanding. But my longing was too fervent for me to ignore. At times I hated myself for it. Other times all I wanted was to release it. Even now, choosing her attire for the reception, I couldn't help the smile on my face. It was never ending.

"Does she like the hair?" I asked Naevia as she came into Domina's chambers.

"She loves it." Naevia replied. "She and Dominus are sharing a tender moment over it as we speak." She added with a smile.

Laughing, I shook my head before turning my attention back to my task. "This reception is too important to take any missteps." I said laying out a stola.

"Perfect, Lea." Domina said coming in.

"I try, Domina." I smiled at her before motioning toward the bureau. "I have placed several sets of jewelry for you to choose from."

She nodded, moving back and forth in front of my selections. A frown crossed her face before she turned to me. "None of these will do." She replied. "Send word for a new selection be brought to me."

"As you wish, Domina." I said and turned from the room.

Knowing who I'd have to deal with, I took my time, trying not to take too much time. When I found Ashur, the only perk was knowing that I'd have to go down into the training area to get him. Knowing I'd get even a glimpse was enough to ask something of the man that I hated. Two soldiers accompanied me, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, nodding at Doctore as he stepped up to me.

"I'm looking for Ashur." I told him.

"For what purpose?" Doctore asked with furrowed brows.

"Domina is in need of his services." I replied.

Nodding, Doctore led me through the tables of gladiators, dog whistles following me as I kept my eyes on Doctore's back. As much as I was fascinated with them, I knew there was a right to fear them. They weren't known for their gentleness with woman and their needs were basic, yet unsatisfied more often than not. Just as the thought moved through my mind, my hand was grasped and I was jerked, my body being whipped around, slamming into a toned chest. Looking up, it was Gnaeus, an evil grin crossing his face. There was enough time for fear to seep into me before his hand was grabbed, bent awkwardly, and his body was shoved away from me. A hand was placed on my back, causing me to look up and see Varro, a frown on his face as he glared after Gnaeus.

"Gratitude." I told him, instantly feeling safer in his presence.

"My pleasure." He smiled with his hand still on my back.

"Varro." Doctore's voice filled the room.

"Doctore." Varro said as he looked up at him.

"I'll take her from here." The dark man nodded at him, a small smile on his face. Varro nodded before returning to his seat across from Spartacus. "Come." Doctore said before his own hand found my back, a wave of protection moving over me before I was in front of Ashur. "State your business quickly." He told me.

Nodding, I turned to Ashur, speaking in kind. "Domina is need of new jewelry and has asked that you fetch the merchant for her."

"Am I to do a woman's job now?" Ashur laughed.

"Your Domina demands it of you and you will obey." I told him, my tone now cold and authoritative.

For a moment I thought he would retaliate in some manner, but Doctore must have silenced him for his eyes were upon his mentor. Looking back at me, he nodded, making his way toward the gates.

"You should return to the villa." Doctore said as he motioned me back the way we had come.

Making a quick exit, I returned to Domina's chambers, letting her know that her command will be done. It took no time at all for the merchant to arrive. I was grateful for the distraction. Some days it felt as if there were too many hours in the day with not nearly enough tasks to fill it. Standing behind Domina on the balcony, I watched as she had Naevia try on various necklaces. I half wished that it was me being able to adorn my neck with such treasure. However, Naevia was more beautiful than I. It was no wonder why Domina had chosen her. It was also because Naevia was her most favored slave. I was always in her shadow. A place that I had no issue with being in. She was always being watched closer than I. Leaving me time ample time to seek what I wanted and even more time to prevent myself from acting on it.

"It's beautiful." I smiled as she tried on a lavish white opal necklace. The smile on Naevia's face told me that she too favored it.

"Too common." Domina told the man. "Show me something of note."

"A moment." He said turning back to his case of jewels, pulling forth an extravagant emerald necklace. "I have just the thing. My finest piece – a flawless gem imported at great cost from the mines of Scythia."

He handed it to Naevia who put it around her neck. The gold and gems shining in the sunlight. Domina was clearly enticed, sitting forward, pushing the strip of fabric from Naevia's shoulder, allowing the dress to fall to her waist. Naevia didn't even blink as she kept her eyes forward. Wanting to show discretion, I looked away, deciding it was a good moment to look at the training men below. I simply watched momentarily before noticing familiar eyes lingering on my sister. It was a look of wanting. It was a shame that she didn't feel anything for him. The love of a gladiator like that would be a wonderful thing to possess. Then I noticed other eyes on me. Meeting them, I couldn't help the flush that came to my cheeks. Attempting to hide it, I kept his gaze only a moment before looking away, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Daring to glance back at him, his eyes were no longer upon me, deflating some of my frivolity.

"How much?" Domina asked.

"30 denarii." The merchant replied. I knew it too steep a price for Domina to accept.

"30?" She replied with raised brows. "This piece – is it something that Ilithyia would favor?"

"It's the only piece I'd show her." He replied with certainty. "She has very refined tastes."

Domina looked pleased with his response. "25."

"29."

"28." She replied, her tone assertive. "And I'll resist pitching you off the balcony."

"28 then." He replied.

She eyed him with a slight smile and a raised brow. Standing, she led the man inside to complete the purchase. Following her, I paused when I realized that Naevia was not behind me. Turning, I saw her eyes lingering below the balcony, her dress yet to be pulled up. Frowning slightly, she turned and quickly put the strap back onto her shoulder before she caught up with us. Standing in the doorway we waited for the purchase to be made.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her in hushed tones.

"What do you mean?" She replied.

"I saw you. You allowed him to look at you. You're giving him false hope." I told her.

"It was one look." She shot at me.

"And you were the one telling me to be careful." I retorted.

"Nothing will come of it." She snapped.

Not believing her, I frowned until Domina turned to us, smoothing my expression so she would not suspect. As soon as the merchant was gone, she walked to her chambers before turning and looking at Naevia.

"Fetch Crixus." She commanded.

"Domina." Naevia bowed and left the room.

"Lea, come do something with my hair." She told me turning and sitting on a chair.

"Domina." I said and took the wig from her head, replacing it with another.

Gently taking the strands of hair down from where they were pinned. Soon it was all flowing down her back, a beautiful shade of red. Her favorite. Helping her from her clothes, she took a thin robe, pulling it on and fastening it loosely in the middle.

"You can go now." She told me.

"Domina." I bowed before leaving the room, stopping as I saw Crixus and Naevia. She looked upset, motioning him toward Domina's chambers. "Naevia." I said softly, stepping forward, hooking my arm through hers as I looked at Crixus. He just looked at us before stepping away, disappearing into Domina's chambers. "What was that about?" I asked Naevia as we walked away.

"It was nothing." She told me too quickly.

"Naevia." I said shortly, gripping her arm and turning her to face me. "He is Domina's."

"It was nothing." She repeated with a cold tone, pulling from my grip and swiftly walking away from me.

Taking a deep breath, I walked in the opposite direction. She was the reasonable one. She wasn't supposed to get involved with them. Even I knew I shouldn't get involved. It didn't matter what we wanted. The only thing that mattered was the will of our masters. They and they alone were what we needed to worry about.

Finding myself on the balcony, the sun beating down, I watched the gladiators practice below me, my wanting diminished as concern set in for Naevia and what it would mean if Crixus's favor should turn from Domina to my sister. Realizing that I had been staring, deep in thought, I once again took in the men below me. My stomach fluttered slightly as I noticed Varro's eyes upon me, a slightly concerned look on his face. Giving him the subtlest of smiles, I could only imagine what expression on my face had brought on any concern from him. He looked away, though Spartacus's eyes lingered a moment more before returning to training with his friend. I continued to watch them as I tried to will myself to forget my feelings for the man below, turning it into concern for Naevia. She was now at a greater risk than I. Soon Naevia appeared at my side. For a moment we were quiet, watching the men below. We watched as Spartacus picked a fight with Gnaeus, finding pleasure as the new comer wounded the man with his trickery, never laying a finger on him. He used his words and Gnaeus had taken the bait, now lying barely conscious on the ground. Both Naevia and I shared a small smile before noticing eyes upon us from the men below. Crixus looked upon Naevia with much longing.

"He's looking at you again." I commented as I looked in the opposite direction.

"I know." She replied.

"Do we need to discuss this?" I asked.

"Yes." She replied after a moment.

"Then come. We have little time before we must prepare for the reception." I told her, looking at Varro once more before turning back inside.

Leading the way to our room, I stepped up to our bowl of water, starting to clean my skin, even though it required very little. Waiting for her to start speaking, I finished before turning to face her. She was sitting on her bed, her hands in her lap, staring at them. Heaving a heavy sigh, I sat next to her.

"You feel for him, don't you?" I asked her.

"It's fleeting moments here and there." She replied.

"It doesn't take long for it to happen." I told her.

"I didn't believe you." She said meeting my eyes. "But it feels good."

"It does, doesn't it?" I grinned.

"But nothing can come of it." She stated standing and stepping up to the water.

"I know." I replied sadly. "Tonight won't help when we are all in the same room together."

"No, it will not." Naevia replied with the same tone.

"Only it's not just that is it?" I asked softly. She didn't reply. "I know you feel that what happened to Diona will also happen to one or both of us." She again didn't say anything. "It won't." I stated with certainty. "I won't allow it and neither with Domina. She saw what happened to Diona and she will not let it happen to either of us."

"I know." She replied softly, turning and giving me a small smile.

We spoke very little after that. We prepared ourselves before going and tending to Domina. I took leave and helped the house slaves be sure to have all the decorations in place. Double checked the kitchen to make sure their wishes were being done. It was a nice distraction. In just a few hours' time the gladiators would be lined up and we would all be mingling in the same room together. It was slightly nerve-racking to think about. But I knew that Domina would have us well distracted seeing to the guests. It was a big night. Then the Games would begin tomorrow and hopefully we would see elevation in the house of Batiatus. Elevation that would bring less worry and find our home a happier place, no matter our station.

Before I knew it the guests were arriving and I was ordered to see that their glasses never empty and that no quarrels be had. Naevia was the one to stay at her side all night. Despite my elevation to body slave, I was given a sense of freedom the others did not feel. I was trusted to see that no worry befalls my masters while they entertained the guests with talk. But as good a job as it sounded, far more responsibility came along with it and if anything went wrong, it would be my back that would see the end of a whip. Few others could argue that they had it any worse.

"How are you faring?" Naevia asked, quickly coming up behind me.

"I am feeling the strain of my responsibilities." I frowned at her.

"You are doing well." She said, quickly placing a kiss against my cheek before swiftly returning to Domina as Dominus began to address the crowd.

Soon the crowd grew quiet as Batiatus put his hands up, ready to address his guests. "Friends old and new, gratitude for honoring the storied ludus of Batiatus with your presence this eve. Tomorrow's vulcanalia promises many glories in the arena. But tonight may I present to you the finest gladiators in all of the republic?" Crixus stepped forward and aimed his sword so the crowd knew where to look as the gladiators stepped out. "Look, touch, feel the quality of the stock. Place orders for any of the men you covet. Come, don't be bashful. They won't bite. And if they do a 10% discount." He told the crowd as several came forward to see and touch the gladiators as they stood in lines amongst the room.

I watched only a short while before I continued through the crowd making sure everyone had a glass in hand. I tried to make it a habit of not staying in one place long, not wanting to get any negative feedback from my masters. I was very focused on my task when my arm was gently grabbed.

"Perhaps you need a drink to calm your nerves." Ashur said softly in my ear.

"In this one matter I'd have to admit that you are right." I said without looking at him.

"Then please, slip away and join me for a glass or two." He said with a mischievous smile.

"Domina would not approve." I stated truthfully.

"She is preoccupied at the moment." He replied, the grip on my arm tightening.

"I have work to do." I told him through gritted teeth. My response only made his grip tighten further to the point of pain.

"I suggest you release her at once." A familiar voice said gripping Ashur's wrist. Looking up, I saw Varro. His eyes on Ashur, his jaw tight showing the seriousness of his words. Ashur simply smiled and released my arm before he walked away. "It would appear that you have caught the eye of a dangerous man." Varro said looking down at me.

"So it would seem." I replied as I followed him back to his spot in the line of gladiators.

"You may need to hide that." He commented, gently brushing his fingers across the reddened finger marks on my arm, leaving a trail of fire across my skin.

"It's nothing." I replied looking at it.

"Would it bother you if I keep an eye on you throughout the evening?" He asked. Looking at him oddly he added, "Just in case Ashur attempts anything else."

"I would appreciate the extra set of eyes. I have enough responsibilities tonight to have to add Ashur to them." I told him with a small smile.

"Then it is done." He replied with that half smile that made me weak.

"Gratitude, Varro." I told him. "I did not expect such a kind gesture from a gladiator."

"I am still a man." He smiled. "And I chose to be here. Which means I am more man than beast."

"That's good." I replied with a smile.

Leaning forward, he put his lips near my ear, "And I still know how to treat a woman."

Smiling further, I felt my cheeks flush, looking up at him. "I am very pleased to hear that." I told him gently, my face mere inches from his. His smile grew as he straightened. "I should focus on our guests."

"I'll be watching." He smirked as I started to walk away. Moving around them, I paused looking back at him.

"You shouldn't have spoken to her like that." I heard Spartacus tell his friend.

"Why not?" Varro asked.

"You have a wife and son. Giving the girl false advances will only cause her pain."

"It meant nothing. Lea is a nice girl and I can't help it if I feel the need to protect a beautiful woman."

"Always the gentleman." Spartacus smiled at his friend.

Despite the news of a wife and son, the compliment was not lost on my ears. It was probably a blessing that he was a taken man. It would make the temptation that much less knowing that there was another woman out there waiting for him. Whoever she was she was a lucky woman.

"Everything is going quite well, Lea." Domina told me as I ordered more wine be brought.

"Yes, Domina." I told her, looking around the room for anyone in need.

"Relax." Domina smiled. "Get a glass of wine and retire to your chambers for a moment."

"Gratitude, Domina." I bowed before swiftly turning away from her.

Getting a glass of wine, I quickly moved to my room. Sitting on my bed I took a sip of the wine, closing my eyes, letting it sit on my tongue several moments to savor the taste before swallowing it. After, I couldn't help but swallow the rest in one large gulp. Keeping my eyes closed, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Varro's face appeared behind my eyes, making me open them again. Standing, I took another deep breath before going back out into the crowd of people. I once again sought to make sure everything was in order, only finding happy people and calm slaves. Everyone was relishing the sight of the gladiators. Only one was missing. My stomach lurched involuntarily as my eyes darted to find Varro. He wasn't the only one not in sight. Domina and Ilithyia as well seemed to be absent. Something was happening. I probably didn't want to know. Deciding that it was time to quench the thirst of the gladiators, I told Lamantha and Persephone to accompany me as we gave them a quick ration of water.

"Here." I told Spartacus, holding up the small cup of water.

"Gratitude." He replied taking it. Lingering a moment, I wanted to say more but couldn't think of anything else to say to him. I gave him a small smile as he handed the cup back, ready to move on when he spoke to me. "He has a wife and son." Spartacus told me gently.

"Nothing will come of it." I smiled gently at him.

"He is a good man." He added.

"I've noticed." I replied. "Are you?" I asked. He didn't say anything. "I don't know why you're here. All I know is that you fought and you fought bravely. Which means you must be fighting for something. A wife?" He nodded. "Then I can understand that every move you make is to bring yourself closer to her."

"You see much." He replied with furrowed brows.

Laughing lightly, I nodded at him, "I spend all my time watching. One tends to pick up on things when you're only allowed to stand and watch."

"The life of a slave." He stated sadly.

Smiling sadly, I was going to go on when Dominus appeared at my side. "Dominus." I said bowing.

"I think you've taken up enough of the Thracian's time." He smiled.

"Apologies." I said bowing again.

"Why don't you go see to the guests?" He told me, a smile still on his face.

"Of course, Dominus." I replied, bowing a third time before walking away from him.

Once I was sure that every guest had been taken care of, I stood at the sidelines, watching for anyone in need. All the while, I couldn't help but look for Varro. He was taken somewhere by Domina and I could only imagine what she was making him do. When he finally walked back into the room, he was sweaty, a slight flush in his cheeks, the corners of his mouth turned down. His eyes met mine only it seemed as if he was avoiding my gaze. Frowning, I kept to my task, knowing that now was not the time to question what had transpired. It was none of my business. Finding it difficult to keep my eyes off of him, I watched as he talked with Spartacus, telling him something that the Thracian did not want to hear. Moving closer to them, curiosity getting the better of me, I was eager to hear what they were saying. Only before any more words could be shared we were stopped by Dominus's voice once again addressing the crowd, speaking of the gladiators that would be in the primus. He had announced Crixus's name about to say Gnaeus's when Spartacus threw himself at Crixus. A fight broke out; Dominus was going to stop it only to have Ilithyia yell for them to be allowed to fight. The crowd was taking pleasure in it. Being pushed forward, I saw something fall from Crixus's person, swiftly picking it up and shoving it back into the front of his guise. They fought only a few moments more before Dominus shouted 'enough'. The other gladiators came forward and tore their brothers apart, the two yelling at each other as they attempted to get at one another like rabid dogs. Looking around the room, I could tell that the crowd favored what they just saw. The fight had forced Batiatus's hand. Instead of Gnaeus's name it was now Spartacus's that came out of his mouth for who was to face the Undefeated Gaul. Spartacus smiled at Varro, who smiled back, even though the look on his face after said that he wasn't thrilled about what his friend had done.

Swiftly moving to Varro's side, I gripped his wrist. "Rein him in." I told him forcefully.

"And how do you suggest I do that?" He shot back at me. "He only brings trouble down on both our heads."

"He's going to bring more than that if he doesn't stop trying to elevate himself so quickly. He needs to work for it. He can't get it by force." I stated.

"Then perhaps you should talk to him. You have a way with words." He told me.

"I doubt that." I replied and before he could respond they were being ushered out of the room.

The guests finished their drinks and started to filter out of the villa. Soon it was only the residents of the house left. Our masters, however, were fuming with anger. I was dismissed, Domina too upset to need more than Naevia there to assist her. Though I knew Domina was more worried about Crixus than anything else. Instead of going to our quarters, I went down to the entrance to the gladiators.

"Varro." I said softly, only when a gladiator came it wasn't Varro. "Crixus." I said as I stepped away from the bars. He simply looked at me. "I wasn't looking for you." I told him, wrapping my arms around myself.

"The blond is in a cell with the dog." He stated.

"Don't talk about them like that." I retorted.

He was quiet for a moment. "What of Naevia?"

"What of her?" I asked, defensiveness entering my voice.

"Is she well?" He asked me.

"I will not answer any of your questions." I stated coldly. "You aren't as good a man as some may think."

"I am a gladiator. I am not supposed to be good." He replied.

Looking at him a moment longer, I turned and walked away. Returning to my quarters, Naevia was still absent. She must yet be with Domina. I hoped her temperament had changed. Lying down, my mind went through everything that had happened this evening. Good and bad things happened but it felt like it was all worthwhile. As if something had come of it that just hadn't shown itself yet. I just hoped tomorrow brought more good. We could all use a little more light in our lives.


	6. Closer

_**Chapter Five: Closer**_

Come morning, the villa was alive with preparations for the games. Dominus and Domina's spirits were lifted. Solonius's gladiators were absent the games, Batiatus's house would raise supreme on this day. Only with all the good that was on the horizon, there was also worry. Even though I knew there was little to worry about. Varro was to fight first in the games. I knew it displeased him. It was a position for the inferiority of gladiators, even though he was anything but inferior. He was simply new to the arena and his potential will be seen as soon as he took to the sands. Although these thoughts were anything but comforting. My heart hurt for him, thinking of what might happen.

"Do not fear." Naevia told me as we worked side by side.

"I should fear for you." I retorted. "If Crixus shows his favor for you, it will be you who will face the consequences. As much as she loves her husband, a part of her also loves Crixus. You getting in the middle of that is going to be the end of you."

"I know." She told me sadly.

"Do you?" I asked. "I can see the look in your eyes that is telling me different. I will not lose you to this."

"You won't." She replied.

"Then please do not do anything foolish." I told her with a worried tone.

"Will you promise the same?" She retorted. I simply looked at her, unable to promise anything. "When you promise me, I'll promise you."

"Then we're both in trouble." I smiled at her.

She smiled back. "Come, we should return to Domina."

"Agreed." I replied and we both hurried to our masters chambers.

Before no time we were in the carriage, on our way to the arena. Even I was able to join them this time, which was a blessing, even though having to watch Varro in the arena would prove difficult. I hated the fact that he had to fight. But he was trained by the most skilled and respected of men. He would survive and I would yet have my chance to get to know him.

"I am sensing your anxiousness." Naevia told me.

"Yours as well." I smiled.

"At least yours will be over quickly." She smiled back.

"A blessing in itself." I said nudging her.

Even at the back of the pulvinus we could see well into the arena. I had to force myself to take deep breaths as the Games were announced. The voices were muffled in my ears as I watched the gates open and the first two gladiators stepped out from opposite sides. Taking another deep breath, letting it out slowly, I watched as Varro took to the sands.

Watching him take his stance, sword and shield in hand, I gripped Naevia's wrist to help steady myself. I was already in agony just imagining what might happen to him. He wasn't the first to make a move. The other gladiator took the first swing, making Varro lean back to avoid the blade. Soon they were dancing around each other. Swing after swing. Blow after blow. It was horrifying to watch and yet I couldn't bring myself to blink throughout the fights entirety, afraid I would miss something. Blood was being spilt and I could only watch. For a moment I thought the worst when Varro was struck across the face, a string of blood flowing from him as he fell to the sand. My heart skipped - threatening to stop - as I watched his opponent's sword begin to come down upon him. Holding my breath, I didn't release it until he rolled out of harm's way, rising to his feet as he swung with such speed and accuracy. A smile moved across my face as the other gladiator's head was severed, rolling away from his body. Varro took a moment to gather himself before he raised his arms in victory. Trying to hide my relief and happiness, I looked at Naevia.

"He's okay." She smiled at me, taking my hand.

Nodding at her, I took a deep breath, feeling happy. The rest of the games mattered not. All I could think about was Varro, wanting to know how badly he was injured. _Needing_ to know. Though I was sure to pay attention when Crixus and Spartacus took to the sands. Naevia wore the same expression that I had. I never had a taste for the Games and now that men we cared about were a part of them, the thought of all the blood and wasted life made me sick to my stomach.

As I watched the fight start, Spartacus was under the impression that he was winning the fight. Crixus had yet to place a blow against the Thracian. However I knew better. Crixus was playing with him. Soon he would show his worth and Spartacus would find that he stood no chance against the Undefeated Gaul. The Thracian was too willful for his own good. I had a horrible feeling that it was not going to go well. I wished to see no harm befall neither Spartacus nor Crixus. Though it was clear that the Gaul was the more skilled and I had a feeling that he would best Spartacus quickly. Averting my eyes, unable to bear to watch them, I could hear the blows as they fought against each other. Could hear when flesh was cut. I didn't look up until Naevia gripped my wrist. When my eyes found them on the sand, Spartacus was on his back, Crixus's sword against his throat. The Gaul was looking up at the pulvinus, awaiting the command whether to gift life or death. Taking a small step forward, I beheld Spartacus's two fingers being held in the air in surrender. I could tell by the look on Dominus's face that this was the sign he was waiting for.

"Spartacus fought well." Batiatus told the crowd. "Let him live to fight another day. Grant him…life!" He called to the dismay of the crowd.

My breathing calmed, not realizing that my heart had been racing. The Games were over. Thank the Gods. I didn't think I could handle another round. Our masters spoke briefly, discussing the events of the Games, before we were finally on our way back home. It wasn't soon enough. After tending to Domina, we left her to rest, keeping ourselves busy tiding up the villa, before we took our leave in our quarters.

"That was horrible." I said lying on my bed.

"Agreed." Naevia replied with the back of her hands draped across her forehead. "I have no taste for the Games."

"Agreed." I told her. "I wish we could see to them."

"They're alive. We'll have to make do with that." She stated.

"Domina and Dominus are resting." I said sitting up so I could look at her.

"Lea." She said doing the same. "We cannot afford the risk."

"Please?" I asked.

"It's dangerous." She told me. "What if Ashur catches us?"

"I think we can outsmart him." I smiled at her.

"You're mad." She smiled back.

"But smart." I told her. "And you know you're as eager to see them as I am. I can get us through the gates. Domina has assigned me to help the Medicus from time to time. They will think nothing of it."

"It's too tempting." She whispered.

"Tempting enough for me to try." I said and stood. "Are you coming with me?"

"Yes." She said and we both quickly made our way through the villa, going down to the gates of the gladiators.

"What's your business here?" The guard asked.

"Domina has asked that I see to the tending of the men." I told him. He looked unconvinced. "If you wish to ask the Medicus yourself you can. He'll tell you that Domina has put me in charge of making sure they are tended to properly." He eyed me before opened the gates. "Gratitude."

Naevia clung to me as we were escorted to the Medicus. There were several gladiators in need of attendance, Varro included. As well as Spartacus and Crixus. Spartacus was currently being tended to by the Medicus.

"We're here to assist you." I told him.

The Medicus looked at me before waving at me with annoyance. "Fine."

Looking at Naevia, detaching her from my arm, I gently moved her in Crixus's direction. Gathering supplies, I handed her what she needed before going to Varro, unable to make my intentions any less clear. Wetting a cloth with water, I took his chin in my hands, gently wiping the blood from his face with the other. I was afraid to say anything. I didn't want to ruin this. Simply being this close to him, feeling his skin, was enough for me. Knowing that he was all right. Though the sight of him hurt made my mind move to what lay before him. More of this was all there was. More pain. More blood. More fear. More for me anyway. He seemed to enjoy the fight. After all, he was only here to settle his debts and then return to his wife.

"You look concerned." He told me, breaking the silence.

Meeting his blue eyes, I felt a shiver run through my body as I tried to relax my face. "Of course I'm concerned. Though I think I'm more relieved now."

"I saw your face in the pulvinus." He added. "Why did you come if you were going to have such a hard time watching?"

"I was there for support." I told him. "And what makes you think I had a choice?"

"Did you?"

"I could have convinced Domina to let me stay behind. But not being there to see it - not knowing immediately - would have been worse."

"Do I mean that much to you?" He asked with a slightly nervous tone to his voice.

Finishing with the blood on his face, I rewet the cloth before slowly moving it down his chest. "There's something about you, Varro." I told him.

"Meaning?" He asked.

"I am not sure yet." I smiled at him. "But I know that I don't want to see any harm come to you."

"You're not going to have a choice." He replied, moving his hand to cover mine.

Another shiver ran through me. "I know that." I told him, averting my eyes from his.

"I'm a better fighter than you think." He smiled, lowering his head to meet my eyes.

"I know you are." I told him quickly, meeting his eyes. "You are just as good as the other men. Doctore will see you well trained and you will best anyone they throw at you."

"You sound confident in your words."

Tentatively bringing my hand to his face, letting it hover a long moment before I placed it against his skin. "To see no harm come to you, it will be done." I told him softly, gently rubbing my thumb across his cheek.

For a moment time stopped. It was only he and I as we looked into each other's eyes. His smile faltered and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. As for me, without a doubt, I knew that I had found the man that I longed to be with. He was beautiful. Strong. Sculpted by the Gods. I wasn't sure he could see it in my eyes, but he gripped my hand that still lay against his chest, his other gently wrapping around my wrist.

The moment passed when he blinked several times, averting his eyes from mine as both his hands fell away from me. Sighing, I continued to clean the blood and dirt from his skin. After assessing his injuries, I found none that needed stitching. They were all superficial and would heal well on their own. It was a relief, even if he was no longer holding conversation with me. Something had passed between us and I had to remember that he had a wife and a son. A wife that he was very much in love with. I had no claim to him and knew that we would never be. If it were just moments like this that we were to share I would be all right with that. Just knowing that he was alive and well, even after he was outside these walls, would make me happy.

"There." I told him. "I am finished."

"Gratitude." He smiled up at me.

Gently putting my hand on his face, I smiled, "None needed."

Before anything else could happen, I turned away from him, going to another gladiator across the room. Tending to his wounds, I had to stitch a gash in his side, keeping me occupied long enough that I didn't see when Varro left the room. When I was finished, Spartacus still lingered at the doorway, watching me. Cleaning my hands, I met his eyes, knowing that a lecture was coming. Soon we were the only two in the room. The Medicus had sent Naevia away after the others had been tended to and now he was set to cleaning the room and restocking his supplies.

"Are you going to scold me again?" I asked him.

"No." He said. "I'm simply going to caution you that he is not available to you. You'd do yourself well to throw away your feelings now before you get hurt."

"Maybe I don't care if I get hurt." I told him.

"You will." He said and left the room.

For a moment I stayed before I rushed after him, "Spartacus." He turned and looked at me. "I know that you do not approve. But there is something about him that I cannot ignore or forget."

"Try." He told me.

"You're a good friend to look out for him this way." I stated.

"I'm not just looking out for him." He replied and turned away.

Sighing, I watched him till he was out of sight. Turning to go back to the gates, I came face to face with Crixus.

"Lea." He said with his husky voice.

"Crixus." I said only a twinge of nervousness set in.

"I wanted to thank you." He told me.

"For what?" I frowned up at him.

"For bringing Naevia down here with you." He replied. "It meant the world. Gave me hope."

Now I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face, my nerves now settled. "She is a sister to me. All I wish is for her happiness."

"I share your wish." He stated.

"Then see yourself safe in the arena and know that she cares for you despite herself and your relationship with our Domina." I told him.

"I shall never look at Domina the same."

"As you shouldn't. Naevia is by far a better sight to behold."

"You could not be more right." He said with a slight smile on his lips. "She barely said a word while she tended to me."

"She's afraid of what her affections will bring. You are Domina's. She understands this. It will take time for her to be brave enough to show anything toward you."

"Will you help me?" He asked.

"Only if you will help me." I replied. He looked at me questioningly. "Naevia is not the only one who feels for a gladiator."

"Who?"

Pausing, gaging his demeanor, I replied, "Varro." Understanding crossed his face. "If you keep watch over him, not allowing any major harm to befall him, you have my word that I will speak of you in favor to Naevia. If I nudge her, she will come to you. After all, she already desires it, though I will make it happen."

"Give me your word and you will have mine."

"Done." I smiled, holding my arm out to him.

Smiling, he grasped my forearm, shaking it gently as the deal was struck. I was about to take my leave when Ashur's voice came from behind me. "Is he bothering you?" He asked.

Unconsciously moving closer to Crixus, I turned and looked at him. "No."

"Leave us, Ashur." Crixus told him, distain in his words.

"I'm just looking out for the wellbeing of a beautiful thing." Ashur replied lightly.

"I am a person, not a thing." I told him angrily.

"Crixus. Ashur." Doctore's voice came from behind us. "Return to your cells."

"Doctore." They both said in unison.

"Lea." Crixus said before he left my sight.

Doctore stepped up to me, his large form towering over me. "Lea."

"Apologies, Doctore." I told him. "I was helping with the tending of the men. I was on my way out when I was stopped."

"By which?"

"Crixus wished to break words while Ashur clearly is in search of something more." I replied.

"It was fortunate for you that Crixus was here." He stated with a raised brow.

"I shall take my leave." I told him, making to move around him, he remained firm in footing, blocking my way. "Doctore?"

"You need to remain far from these walls. If Ashur is interested in you than only trouble will be found down here."

"He is more dangerous outside these metal bars. For it's in the shadows that he seeks me and one day I will not be able to fend him off any longer." I told him angrily. "Down here I feel protected. Up there I am alone."

"Have you told Domina of this?" He asked.

"No."

"I suggest you bring the subject to light. She will protect you." He stated.

"I can only hope that she would."

"Come." He said gripping my elbow, leading me to the entrance. "Return to your quarters and tend to your Domina."

"Yes, Doctore." I told him, quickly making my way up the stairs. Not slowing as I rushed back to my quarters, I entered to see Naevia pacing our small space.

"Where have you been?" She asked me with both anger and worry in her voice.

"I was finishing with the gladiators." I replied. "Then I had words with both Spartacus and Crixus."

"Crixus?" She said looking at me with curious eyes.

"He cares deeply for you." I smiled at her, taking her hands in mine. "If I were you I would throw caution to the wind and embrace it."

"He is Domina's." She said pacing away from me.

"No." I said shaking my head at her. "He is yours." She shook her head at me, worry written on her face. "He is. He would move heaven and hell to be with you. Let him care for you as I know you care for him. Domina doesn't have to know. All I want is for you to be happy and I truly believe you will be happy with Crixus."

Without replying, she went to her cot, pulling a cloth out from underneath it. I frowned at her as she stepped back up to me. "I did not tell you for I feared you'd be angry." She said and held the cloth out to me.

"What is it?" I asked as I took it, quickly unfolding it to reveal the beautiful white opal necklace we'd seen from the merchant. "Naevia." I said breathlessly as I looked at her.

"Crixus gave it to me." She told me with a smile, though it quickly faded. "I can never wear it though."

"Domina would know something was amiss if you did." I told her.

"She'd think me a thief." Naevia said with concern.

"What are you going to do?" I asked her.

"I must give it back to him. I cannot keep it. If she finds it even the Gods will not be able to save me."

"I understand." I nodded at her. "Do what you must. Crixus will understand when you tell him your reasoning."

"Will he?"

"Yes." I smiled putting my hand on her face. "This is just a trinket. _You_ are the real treasure." She smiled, hugging me tightly.


	7. To Know Better

_**Chapter Six: To Know Better**_

With morning came the perpetuation of our daily lives. I woke early, going down to get wine, hoping for a rare moment with Varro. I was disappointed when he wasn't in sight, knowing that by now they would be eating breakfast and then take to the sand for their training régime. Making sure the Domina and Dominus had breakfast ready for them when they woke; I waited for them to come to the table, knowing that Naevia and Santos would take care of our masters before they came to eat.

When they finally arrived, taking their seat at the table, Domina lifted her glass. "Lea."

"Domina." I replied quickly filling it with wine.

She took a drink of it before raising an eyebrow. "We need better wine."

"Let's hope Spartacus does well in the pits then." Dominus replied with a small smile on his face.

I looked at Naevia with slight nervousness. She simply subtly shook her head at me. Clearing my face of emotion, I kept my eyes on Domina's wine glass, ready to refill it when it was needed. Breakfast turned out to be quiet, both masters leaving the table to tend to the days affairs. Naevia saw Domina to the baths while I started to clean up. A few of the other house slaves stepped forward to assist me. I nearly toppled a stack of dishes but was steadied with gentle hands.

"Gratitude, Mira." I smiled at her.

"You are welcome." She smiled. She seemed to have a question in her eyes.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"It's nothing." She replied quickly, disappearing with the stack of dishes.

Sighing, I shook my head as I wiped the table clean. Picking up the jug of wine, I went to replace it where it belonged when the sound of the gladiators caught me, making me inch toward the balcony. Unable to help myself, I set the wine down before looking over the edge. They were hard at work. Looking for Varro, I attempted to not look to eager. When I finally found him, his eyes were already on me. Smiling, he looked about to smile back when he stopped, turning focus back to the gladiator he had been heavily sparing with. Sighing again, I retrieved the wine and replaced it down below.

Returning upstairs, I went to the kitchens to find the majority of the house slaves busy cleaning the dishes and already preparing for tonight's meal. Watching two begin to polish the silver, finding it unacceptable, I spent my time showing and explaining to them the expectations that were expected of them. They agreed with me but I knew that it was only because my station was higher than theirs and they had little choice in the matter. Once I was satisfied, I moved through the villa, freshening flowers and straightening things as I walked along. Once the main rooms were in order I moved to the others, refilling the soaps in the baths, making sure they'd be ready at any moment as well as anything else my masters may want. Once I was finished, I stepped into Domina's quarters, seeing Naevia dressing her for the day. Finding a place on the wall, I daydreamed of a life I would never have, hoping that the last encounter I had with Varro would not be the last. It was something I found myself doing more and more with any free moment that I had.

As soon as they were done, Domina decided to take a glass of wine out on the balcony. I was perfectly happy to do so. Even Naevia seemed pleased to be able to watch the gladiators train. We were there only a short while, watching the ripping muscle of the men below, when Barca appeared, shoving Spartacus toward the gates where Kerza already sat. He looked filthy. It must be what they needed to look like to take part in the pits. Domina frowned at the two gladiators. She was anything but pleased about Dominus's decision to take them there.

I didn't envy them. If all the stories of the pits were true then they were going to be put through hell. If only Spartacus hadn't attempted to elevate himself so quickly. If only he had just taken the advice of his friend. After all, Varro was the only friend that Spartacus had. If he was smart he would beg for his life. He too had a wife he was attempting to stay alive for. It seemed to be the theme of the ludus. Men with waiting wives. A longing filled me as I watched them. I yearned to know what that was like. To have a husband. To feel that love. To have a life outside of these walls. But I knew that that would never be. I was doomed to remain in this ludus forever.

It seemed that Dominus's decision to go to the pits had put Domina in a rare form. She was more demanding than usual. Nothing was done right and I was left to repeat and repeat daily chores or to oversee them while she moved on to another unsuspecting slave to project her wrath upon. By midday I was standing in the vestibule, watching four of the house slaves scrub the floor. I offered to help but Domina forbade it. I was only to watch and correct if needed.

"Did we do something wrong?" Mira asked as she scrubbed.

"No." I told her, my eyes watching for Domina.

"Then why are we being punished?" She replied stopping and looking up at me.

"You're not." I stated. "Our Domina and Dominus have a weight on their shoulders. If we can make their lives more bearable by simply obeying then that is what we will do." I told her, meeting her eyes with as stern a look as I could muster.

"Apologies." Mira said with downcast eyes, returning to her work.

The others hadn't even paused while Mira asked about the work their Domina had demanded of them. A headstrong slave would only cause trouble for the rest of us. I didn't believe that Mira was even remotely troublesome, she was simply curious. She'd been here for a while now, making her one not to fear using her tongue as much as the others. Not with each other. She wouldn't dare speak out of turn to our masters but with me she was more open than most.

As soon as the floor was scrubbed we moved into the next room, continuing on our way of making the villa spotless. As I waited, I couldn't help but be drawn toward the balcony. Picking up an empty pail, I went to go refill it, making an excuse to leave the room, making my way out onto the balcony. They were taking a break, the sand clear as they took a reprieve from the blistering sun. Looking down, I saw Varro sitting just inside the shade. He had a deep frown on his face, his jaw tight. Something was bothering him. He leaned his head back, his eyes shut for a moment before he opened them, seeing me above him. I offered him a subtle nod and a small smile. He simply stood and moved from my sight. Frowning, I turned away from the balcony, getting the water and returning to my charges.

"What's wrong?" Mira asked.

"Nothing." I told her, realizing that I had been frowning.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yes." I smiled, setting the water down next to her.

"Gratitude." She told me.

By the end of the day, the villa was beautiful and our Domina was happy. The price for it was some extremely exhausted slaves. When night was upon us, Domina relieved us all to see ourselves fed, watered, and then to bed. I hoped that tomorrow would be less eventful. Naevia had been just as busy as I had watching over Domina and I had yet to see her. Even after all the other slaves had returned to their quarters, I roamed the villa making sure nothing was left undone. I heard when Dominus returned. Going to the balcony, I watched him return with everyone but Kerza. Knowing that he was dead, I sighed, sending a prayer to the Gods that it had been quick.

My gaze lingered on Spartacus, finding it hard to look at him. He had been badly beaten. He looked up at me as he slowly walked in the middle of his escorts. Smiling at him sadly, he gave me the subtlest of nods before he was out of sight. Sighing, I returned to my quarters. Naevia was still not there. I hoped she had found the courage to go see Crixus. Hoping that she was safe if that was true. Also that she was luckier than I had been. I didn't like the indifference Varro was suddenly showing me, twice more had he met eyes with me only to frown and move on. Then he seemed to ignore me completely. At one point Domina sent me to get more wine and I had found Varro lingering by the gate. I had attempted to speak to him though he moved from sight as if he hadn't heard me. Only I knew he had. He was treating as if he had never met me. Something that stung more than it should have. But I should have known better. Deciding that it was pointless to worry about him, I turned in for the night. Wanting nothing more than sleep to keep my mind from thinking too much.

I was the first to wake come daylight. Sitting, I looked at Naevia who was sound asleep in her bed. Not wanting to wake her, I sought to breakfast and to filling the bath before waiting outside of Domina's room for her to wake. When I heard the subtle sound of her stirring, I stepped inside, waiting for her to sit up before grabbing her robe, following her to the baths. She was still groggy as she stepped into the steaming water without pause, grabbing the robe from her body as she did so. Pushing the strap of my dress from my shoulder, letting it fell to the ground before I stepped out of it and into the water.

"Where is Naevia?" She finally asked.

"She was right behind me. She's finding something for you to wear." I lied.

"Mm." She said as I started to run the sponge against her skin.

"She'll be waiting when we're done."

After her skin was clean, she leaned back against the back of the bath, closing her eyes. "Go make sure she's prepared." She told me very nonchalantly.

"Domina." I said and slowly made my way from the bath.

As soon as I was out of sight, I darted back to Domina's chambers, seeing Naevia frantically pulling things out for Domina to wear. Anger must have been on my face for she cowered slightly when I rushed up to her.

"Where were you last night?" I shot at her in a harsh whisper.

"Why didn't you wake me this morning?" She retorted.

"Because I thought you needed the sleep." I told her. "I didn't know what happened last night so I wasn't sure what to do this morning."

"Nothing happened." She told me, but averted her eyes, tell tale of a lie.

"Something happened." I nodded at her. "But you're not going to tell me."

"Lea." Dominus said coming into the room, freshly clean and nearly ready for the day.

"Dominus." I said turning to him as I bowed my head.

"You've been helping the Medicus, yes?" He asked with an air of non-concern.

"Yes, on occasion." I told him.

"Go see to Spartacus. A woman's touch might do him some good tonight in the pits." He told me.

"Dominus." I said, glancing at Naevia before making my way down below. Doctore was waiting for me at the gates, an unpleasant look on his face. "I did not ask for this. It was commanded of me by Dominus." I told him with heat in my words.

"I wasn't going to ask." He said without meeting my eyes.

"You may not have asked but you clearly were going to say something." I shot back at him.

"You are in a foul disposition today." He commented, his tone growing soft.

"Things are happening and despite what I may want, I have realized that it needs to stop. Trouble is brewing and I am afraid that I and the people around me are going to be caught up in the middle of it." I told him, unafraid of telling him my thoughts.

"What makes you say such things?" He asked.

Looking up at him, I could tell that he wanted to know the answer. That he was going to have to keep an eye on things. "It's just a feeling." I told him calmly, trying to cover up my anxiousness.

"Why does Dominus want you to look after Spartacus? He hardly sends slaves down here to tend to the gladiators. More importantly, why does he keep sending you? This is not the first time." He said stopping so he could face me.

"I don't know." I told him. "He was the one who sent me that first time. Medicus didn't have anything bad to say. And then I offered to tend to the men after the games. I just wanted to help. To be of worth."

"You may have found your calling." He told me as he started walking again.

"Something like that." I stated quietly.

He led me to the Medicus, lingering in the doorway as I stepped up to a battered Spartacus. "Training starts soon. I suggest you be quick and do not take your time at returning to the villa." He told me with abundant seriousness.

"Yes, Doctore." I told him with a small smile.

I listened as his footfalls disappeared, looking at the Medicus before kneeling in front of Spartacus. "Hi." I smiled sweetly at him. He really looked battered. There was still blood all over him. Heavy bruising covering much of his body. "You look terrible."

"What are you doing here?" He asked weakly.

"I was sent." I told him. "Gratitude." I told Medicus as he handed me a cloth and small bowl of water. "I'm here to make sure you're all right." He scoffed at me. "How are you faring?" I asked him gently.

"How do you think?" He asked.

"Not well." I replied with a sigh.

He simply nodded and shut his eyes. Cleaning the blood from his body, a sense of calmness moved across his face. Seeing it, knowing that he did need it, I stayed silent. Moving into a steady rhythm, I continued to clean his skin, letting my strokes slow when his brows furrowed. He was remembering something. I hoped he was lost in memories of his wife. She meant the world to him. It would be her and her alone who would keep him alive in the pits. He was drifting. His humanity was being beaten out of him. Domina was right when she said that the pits were a bad idea. He wasn't going to be him anymore when he was done.

"It's okay." He told me sweetly. The suddenness of his voice making me jump.

"Sorry?" I asked before clearing my throat.

"I'm going to be okay." He said meeting my eyes.

"You look terrible. How much more can you take?" I asked with furrowed brows, running the cloth down the side of his neck and across his shoulder.

"As much as they can give me." He stated.

Laughing lightly, I gently shook my head at him. "I hope so. For some reason I care for you. I'd hate to see you fall in a place as horrible as the pits."

"I won't fall." He smiled softly. "And do not care for me. I'm not an honorable man."

"I don't believe you." I smiled.

"I'm here to save my wife. She's all that matters to me." He stated with seriousness.

Nodding, I put my hand on his face. "Then I can imagine her disappointment in hearing of your fall in the pits."

Putting his hand on my wrist he looked at me with hard eyes. "Lea, I will not fall."

Smiling, taking his head in my hands, I gently told him, "Good."

"And I'm sure she'll be grateful that I have someone looking out for me." He added, smiling back.

Laughing lightly again, I nodded, "Someone has to. If I had sooner you may not have done what you did and would not be in the pits right now."

"I'm afraid I'm too stubborn for you. Besides, it's the man who is supposed to take care of his woman."

"Good thing I am not your woman." I smirked.

"Now you're for Spartacus." A hard voice said from the doorway.

"Varro." I said as I jumped, taking a step away from Spartacus.

"Do you enjoy preying on the gladiators of this house?" He frowned further, stepping into the room.

"Varro." Spartacus said standing.

"What do you think you're playing at?" He shot at me, stepping even closer, making me cower in the wake of his anger.

"Varro." Spartacus repeated as he stepped in front of me. "Enough."

"What is she even doing here?" He frowned at his friend.

"She was sent by Dominus." He replied.

"You mean she lied to get down here." He frowned.

"What is wrong with you?" I frowned back at him from around Spartacus. Then I noticed the long gash just below the crook of his right arm. "You're hurt." I said stepping toward him.

"No." He shot at me.

"Varro." Spartacus said calmly. "Let her take care of you."

He looked furious. I didn't know what was going on inside his head but I was to blame for it. Guilt took me over and I realized that I made a mistake without realizing it. There was a moment that passed between us that turned out to be the largest fracture I could form. I had to fix it. I had to make it right.

"Please." I told him softly.

He looked at Spartacus before he sat down on a bench. Quickly getting a fresh bowl of water, thread and a needle, I knelt in front of him. He looked so angry. Spartacus sat behind me, both calmness and tenseness in his posture. Cleaning the wound, I pressed my thumb into it closest to the crook where the blood was freely flowing from. He winced but didn't say anything.

"Apologies." I told him as gently as I could. I was almost fearful of this angrier side of him. "Whatever I did to anger you, I am sorry for it. I never meant to cause anyone any pain. Especially you." He looked down at me, the same anger on his face, before it melted away and he simply shook his head. "My only intention is to see you live." I added, hoping it might tip the scale in my favor.

"And Spartacus?" He asked.

"I was sent to look after him. Nothing more."

"Nothing more?" He frowned down at him.

"I rid his skin of blood and dirt. Helping him remember what he was fighting for in the process." I told him. "I just want to help."

"You sound jealous, Varro." Spartacus smirked from behind me.

Attempting to hide my blush, I couldn't help but look up to see what expression Varro held. I wasn't displeased when his shook his head and a small smile graced his lips. Concentrating on the task at hand, I gently and tediously stitched his wound shut.

"If you take care of it the scar should be small." I told him, wiping my hands on the cloth when I was done.

It took me the better part of an hour to finish, wanting it to be right. All the while we had been silent. Though his face had softened half way through and I felt his eyes upon me as I worked. I hoped that meant that his anger toward me had diminished. I wasn't sure I could stand him being angry with me. I'd simply make it worse by attempting to make it better.

"Gratitude." He told me rubbing his hand over the bandage I had placed.

"Keep that on until tomorrow. Then come see the Medicus so you can get herbs to stave off any infection. Keep it clean but don't let it get too wet." I told him. "Festering will be more likely if you don't keep it dry."

"You know what you're talking about." He told me.

"I pay attention." I smiled at him.

"It's more than that." He stated.

Pausing, I nodded at him, "My mother." He smiled and nodded at me before he left the room. "How did that go?" I asked Spartacus.

"It went fine." He replied stepping up to me.

"What did I do?" I asked him with furrowed brows. "Why was he so angry? He's been ignoring me."

"You made him feel desire." Spartacus told me and sighed. "He was jealous when he saw you with me."

"Am I a horrible person if I say that that makes me happy?" I grinned at him.

He laughed lightly. "Yes."

It was a good moment turned sour when Barca and Ashur appeared to begin preparing Spartacus for the pits. They picked up dirt and threw it at him. "Hey!" I yelled at them. "I just cleaned him."

"And now we are to prepare him." Ashur told me with a malicious grin, making me step closer to Spartacus.

"Lea, I'll be all right." Spartacus told me.

"I doubt that." I whispered up at him.

"Leave." Barca said gripping the back of my hair as he forced me out the door.

"Barca." Spartacus said calmly. "She did nothing to you."

Barca struck him hard enough to make his lip bleed. I didn't know I was reacting to it until my hand was gripping Barca's wrist as he swung back to hit him again. In the next second I was on the ground, hit before I knew what was happening. There was commotion as I regained my senses. I'd never been hit before. Then there were hands upon me and Spartacus came into focus.

"You have to go." He said as he yanked me to my feet, pushing me toward the exit. "Yell for Doctore if anyone tries to stop you."

Nodding at him, seeing Ashur closest, standing behind Spartacus rubbing his clenched fist, I was already around the corner before he could turn back to the gladiator and the piss and shit of a man. Fearing for my life, I darted to the gates, the guards were unable to open them fast enough. Running up the stairs, I tried to calm my heart and slow my breathing as I moved through the villa. I thought I was going to make it without notice, when my arm was gripped and I spun to come face to face with a startled Mira. She looked at me, about to ask what happened when I gripped her wrist and led her back to my small quarters. She stood against the wall, watching me pace as I calmed myself down.

"What happened?" She asked gently.

"As of late I seem to be constantly getting myself into trouble." I smiled at her.

"Who did this?" She asked, gripping my wrist to stop my pacing, gently touching the bruise that was already forming on my cheekbone.

"Ashur." I told her. "I don't know what I'm going to tell Domina."

"You'll tell her the truth." She told me.

Nodding, I sat on the edge of my bed. "I've never been hit before." I told her. "It's kind of frightening."

"I'm sure it is." She said sitting next to me, taking my hand.

"Gratitude." I smiled at her.

"You're shaking terribly." She frowned.

"It'll pass."

"What were you doing down there?"

"Dominus sent me to tend to Spartacus."

"What's he like?" She asked curiously.

Smiling fondly I told her, "He's strong. Kinder then he thinks he is. He's a good man."

"You feel strongly for him." Mira smiled.

"Nothing more than thinking him a good man. A friend." I replied.

"There must be someone if you risk your life to see them." She stated as if she knew something.

"What do you know?" I asked her.

"We talk to each other. We've seen you and Naevia go down to the gladiator gates."

"Can I trust you?" I asked her with seriousness. "I've only every truly trusted one person and that's Naevia."

"You can trust me." She told me. "I promise you that I can."

Nodding, I smiled at her. "Gratitude."

"You're not going to tell me are you?" She smiled.

"Not yet." I replied nudging her.

"Can I trust you?" She asked me.

"With your life." I told her.

"I hope it doesn't come to that."

"Me neither." I said, letting a moment of silence hang briefly, realizing that the house was too quiet. "Where is Domina?" I frowned.

"She went to town for some sort of business." She replied.

Nodding, I sighed, "I guess that means it's another day of vigorous cleaning for us. She'll be happy if it's done before she returns."

As if on cue, we heard a crash and a gasp from one of the house slaves. "I guess we should get started then." Mira smiled.

Laughing lightly, I nodded standing and leading us from the room.


	8. Needed Release

_**Chapter Seven: Needed Release**_

Standing at the edge of the cliff, a strong breeze blew passed me as the sun set. It was beautiful. Everything felt as if it had fallen into place. There was a serenity that I thought I could only dream about. Content, I heard the familiar footfalls behind me. Smiling, I knew who was coming, already anxious to feel his hands upon me, the caress of his breath as it wafted across my skin.

Turning, I was met with a firm chest, quickly rising onto my toes, my hand gripping a handful of blond hair at the nape of his neck as our lips crashed against each other, the feeling I wanted most of all. Running my hand up his arm, I gripped his shoulder as I leaned into him, pressing my body against his. His hands gripped my hips before sliding up to my face. Sharing passionate kisses, he lifted me into his arms, carrying me to the nearest servant quarters set apart from the ludus. Lowering me onto a cot, he moved on top of me. Removing his subligaria, I marveled at the sight of him. I had never taken in such a man in all my years of watching them come and go. His body fit perfectly with mine. No two people had ever fit together as perfectly as we.

He stripped me of my dress, leaving us flesh against flesh. The feeling was euphoric, even more so when I felt his cock harden and he pushed up inside of me. Arching with pleasure, I gripped his sides, unable to stop the happy smile that crossed my face as I looked into his eyes. His face held a similar smile, softer, as if he was truly seeing me for the first time. Gently kissing him, he started to rock against me, slowly at first before he became more vigorous. With both of us moaning with pleasure, cutting each other off with heated kisses, he turned me over, pressing inside of me again as he pulled me back against his chest. Pressing my face against the side of his, I reached my arm around and gripped his hair as I panted, pleasure coursing through my veins. With one arm he gripped me; with the other he caressed my body. His hand massaged my breast as he gently bit into my shoulder before he sucked my skin, making a shudder move through me.

Long after the love making stopped, we lay in each other's arms, talking nearly nonstop as he traced shapes against my bare skin. My own fingers trailed back and forth against his chest, loving the sound of his voice, imprinting his smile to my memory, never feeling safer than I did right now, wrapped in his arms. Love wasn't a strong enough word as I gazed into his beautiful blue eyes. He was a God. He was my God. Nothing and no one could even come close to comparing to him. He was immaculate. Worthy of so much more than this ludus could provide.

"I am in love with you, Lea." He whispered to me.

"And I am in love with you, Varro." I told him, smiling sweetly as I caressed his face. "So very much in love." He put his hand on my face, leaning down and kissing me. "Your cock agrees." I said and laughed as he pulled me harder against his body.

"It rises to the occasion when it feels your thighs moisten." He replied with his half smile that made me melt against him.

Making love again, we were still in passionate throws when…

…I awoke in the morning.

My eyes opened to see the wall of the same little room I always saw, _absent_ of the blond beauty of my dreams. Sighing, I rolled over and put my feet over the edge of the bed as I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"The dream again?" Naevia asked. Nodding at her, I rubbed a knot out of my neck. "You've been quiet." She stated.

"Domina has kept me busy. She keeps you at her side so I get to see to every other need she has." I replied, sitting back down.

"Are you angry with me?" She asked sitting next to me.

"No." I smiled taking her hand. "I'm just preoccupied."

"I'm sorry I haven't been more forward with you." She told me. "I've been seeing Crixus." She added after a long pause.

"I've been waiting for you to tell me your secret." I nodded at her. "You're in love with him."

"I am." She stated with a sad edge to her voice.

"It's a good thing. I know he loves you back." I told her with genuine happiness in my voice. "I'd wish only the best for you and he is the Undefeated Gaul after all."

She laughed lightly, blushing slightly as she looked at me. Her eyes welled with tears and she rested her head against my shoulder. Embracing her, I placed a gentle kiss against the top of her head.

"Everything is going to work out. Do not fear." I told her softly.

She sighed and nodded as she straightened. "We should go see to Domina. She'll want to have plenty of time to prepare for the Games."

Many things had happened over the past few days. Dominus's life had been threatened in the pits. He'd come home with a knife wound. The only reason he was alive was because of Spartacus. Dominus had lost everything, but because of his actions Spartacus was given pardons from the pit and was once again reinstated with the other gladiators. To add to the happenings of the house, Magistrate Calavius himself had come to the villa to recruit gladiators for his upcoming games. He had chosen Crixus and Spartacus to fight together in the primus against Theokoles, the Shadow of Death. The moment the name was spoken it was as if a never-ending tension had filled the room and had yet to dissipate. Theokoles was a fearsome gladiator. It has been said that he's been cut a thousand times but won't die. Most think it impossible to kill him, and now Spartacus and Crixus were to face him in the arena. Ever since Spartacus had saved Dominus in the Pits, he had earned the favor of Dominus yet again. He was returned to his gladiator status and would be able to prove himself once again in the games. That was if he could fight along Crixus without turning against him. Crixus was still the better gladiator and Spartacus has to remember that. Naevia had been distraught since the moment the games were announced. If anything happened to Crixus she would be forever diminished. I couldn't bear to see her suffer. She was putting on a brave face but I knew she was being tortured inside. Though she seemed to be in better spirits this morning, she was putting on such a good face that I wasn't sure if it was a façade or not.

Spending much of the morning with Domina, making her look spectacular for the Games, it seemed to sneak up on me when it was time to depart. Only when the horses pulled the carriage from the ludus grounds, I was left standing behind. Domina had decided that only Naevia was needed to accompany her. There were going to be too many people already attending. These Games were going to be the biggest Capua would see since Spartacus bested four men on his own. It was what everyone was talking about, and I was stranded in the ludus to await the arrival of those who survived. I never got a chance to speak to Varro before he left. We hadn't spoken since I had mended his arm. I'd laid eyes on him but he never looked up. Despite Spartacus's words rolling through my head, I still feared that I had lost any relationship I could have had with the man of my dreams.

Sighing heavily, I turned back to the villa and resigned to keeping myself busy while I anxiously awaited the end of the Games and the return of those I cared about. I was confident that Varro would return. He had learned much and was quickly rising in the gladiator ranks. He was being given more honorable standings in the Games but he still wasn't fighting the truly great gladiators, giving him all the advantage he would need. However, I did fear for Spartacus. I didn't want to see any harm come to him. I had learned that Sura was the name of his wife. He would do anything to have her returned to his arms. He would fight to the best of his ability and then some. Crixus was another story. He would fight for his own glory. I had a sickening feeling that he would willingly sacrifice Spartacus for his own personal gain. Theokoles was not going to be an easy defeat. They were going to have to work very hard to bring a man like that down to the sand. I prayed to the Gods that they were successful. No man deserved to live forever, especially one with the reputation that Theokoles had. Though how does one go about killing the Shadow of Death when death itself is undying?

My thoughts were swimming with the outcomes that the day could bring, moving from one conclusion to the next, and each one was more horrific than the one before it. Polishing every piece of silver and gold in the villa, moving to replace and arrange all the flowers in the vases, straightening Domina's wardrobe, and finally throwing myself into scrubbing the floors with hopes that if I scrubbed vigorously enough my thoughts would finally cease.

"Lea, you need to stop."

Looking up I saw Mira's worried face. "I want to do it. I'm fine." I told her before starting to scrub again.

"I'll help you." She said kneeling next to me.

"No." I told her sternly. "It'll take longer if I just do it myself."

"What are you trying to hide from?" She asked sitting on her heels.

Sighing, I did the same and looked at her. "I'm afraid for the gladiators and it's encompassing much of my thoughts. I fear for their safety."

"You seem overly concerned." She frowned.

"With good reason." I shot at her.

"What reason is that?" She asked gently.

"One more worthy than you know." I replied gently.

She didn't ask any more questions. She remained with me throughout the day. Always looking at me with an air of concern. I didn't want to know what I looked like to her. I was going out of my mind with worry and it didn't help having her look at me that way. When I could think of nothing else to do, I escaped Mira's ever watching eye, creeping down to the gates of the gladiators. Hiding myself next to the stairs, I listened to the gladiators that remained, hearing their antics. It was more calming then all the work I had done so far. Shifting, something stabbed my thigh and I took the object in my hands. Frowning at it, I realized that it was one of Naevia's pins. My frown melted away and I smiled, knowing why her spirits were lifted. Knowing that she had embraced the love Crixus had for her, I hoped that her love wouldn't be ripped away from her today on the sands of the arena. Tears filled my eyes as my mind wandered from Naevia to Crixus to Spartacus before falling on Varro.

I'd seen people fall in love under the roof of the ludus. I remembered when Doctore was happily married, his wife taken from his arms far too early. Melitta was beautiful and kind. In my eyes she had been as close to perfect as I've ever seen. She had taught us much about becoming women and how to not lose ourselves. It was only in her death that Naevia was elevated, bringing me with her. But it had been bittersweet. I had seen the love Doctore and Melitta shared. At times you could feel how strong it was. I had looked at them and prayed that the same could happen for me someday. I knew that as long as I was a slave I would not marry, but to be in love would be the greatest gift. I thought I felt that with Varro. Not a day – a moment – went by where he was not on my mind. There were moments where I was worried it was just an infatuation. It wasn't real. Not to mention he could never share my feelings. He had a wife and son. I could only be an infatuation.

Trying to convince myself that that's what it is, I finally went upstairs, making my way to the courtyard, finding it empty. The gladiators were given Game days off. Doctore always accompanied the participants and watched over them throughout the day. Stepping out across the hot sand, the sun beat down on me, making sweat start to bead on my forehead. Walking to the edge of the cliff, I looked out over the land, seeing the nothingness that lay before me. A breeze gently blew across my skin. Taking a deep breath of it, I let a calm come over me, knowing that I had no power to help anyone. I was only as powerful as Domina let me be which was as powerful as the red hair she wore so proudly. I was merely a pawn, dispensable and hardly worthy of noticing. Yes, I could make her happy, as happy as a slave can, but I still meant very little to her. There were only a few that were truly of worth. Naevia and perhaps Santos, as body slaves you were always seen as more valuable than the rest. I hoped that I was included in that but most times I thought it was only because of Naevia that I was noticed at all. Not knowing when this bout of depression hit me, I attempted to push the thoughts from my mind. I wasn't doing anyone any favors by feeling sorry for myself. I had to be strong. I did not know what was happening and if Crixus fell against Theokoles then Naevia would need me. She would need me to be strong for her. I would be strong, for whatever came through the door, I would be strong.

The day had passed its peak and my nerves were shot. Shutting my eyes, I listened to the silence of the ludus. Everyone was relaxing while our masters were out. Picturing Varro's face, I let my mind take me to a place where love was alive and I was free to do what I pleased. I only opened my eyes when a shadow was cast over me. Frowning, I watched as clouds seemed to roll in from nowhere. My mouth dropped open slightly as I felt the first drop of rain fall against my cheek. Then another followed, and another, and another, until the clouds opened up and rain started to pour from the heavens. Unable to suppress my smile, I opened my arms, laying my head back as I laughed with happiness. The drought was over. Rain had finally arrived to save us. It was a sign from the Gods. Hope was alive. Letting the rain fill my mouth, I drank the pure liquid, never tasting anything so sweet. Finally lowering my arms I looked out at the land, seemingly transformed with the bringing of rain. Calmness flowed over me and, for whatever reason, I felt like everything was going to be okay. Awaiting their return, knowing it to be true, for by Jupiter's cock they would come home!

It was too long before the gates finally opened. I stood soaking wet in the rain, smiling as I waited to see the man I was pining for. The procession started with Dominus, followed closely by several of his guards, carrying a cot. For a moment my heart sank, terrified of who was on it. Taking a tentative step forward, I saw that it was Crixus that lay on the cot. His body was covered in blood. The bandages already soaked through. He looked pale, ready to leave this world. As horrible as it was to see him in such a condition, I couldn't help the feeling of relief that came with it. Then the others were walking in, Barca, Ashur, Doctore, Spartacus, and behind him…Varro. Seeing him made all my tension melt away. He was okay. The rain had washed away the blood and dirt from his skin. Unable to help myself, I smiled at him, releasing the breath I had been holding. Instead of ignoring me like he had been he gave me a smile of his own and a nod of reassurance. Wishing I could run to him, I simply grew my smile, nodding at him in return.

Despite my happiness in seeing Varro, it was time to act. Rushing inside, I moved to the Medicus's, wanting to help in any way I could. When I reached the doorway, there were several bodies blocking my view, Crixus's screams coming from inside. Naevia was at the back of the crowd. Quickly putting my hands on her shoulders, I turned her into me, tears immediately soaking into my hair and rolling down my shoulder.

"What happened?" I asked her.

"Spartacus defeated Theokoles. Crixus was wounded. I'm afraid that he's no longer for this world." She told me through her tears before a sob broke from her throat.

"He's going to be okay." I told her as I took her head in my hands.

"Help the Medicus." She told me with a shuddering breath. "Help him save Crixus."

Nodding at her, I pushed through the crowd trying to get through the doorway. I was nearly through when my arm was grabbed. I looked up into the eyes of Doctore. "I need to help him."

"Stay back." He told me.

"Let her pass." Domina told him, worry clear in her voice.

He looked at me with concern. "I'll be fine." I said putting my hand on his arm. "Someday you will have to explain your concern toward me."

"Never." He replied before stepping aside.

Sighing, I quickly moved into the room, rushing to the gladiator's side. "Crixus." I said taking his hand.

"Lea." He said looking at me with a painful expression.

He was covered in blood. It seemed to be spewing from every part of him. I could see his intestines through the open wound on his abdomen. There was another across his chest that was overflowing with blood. The warm liquid was spilling from the corners of his mouth, making him choke. He seemed to be slipping from his world, searching the room for a foothold to stay in the land of the living.

"Crixus, look at me." I said putting my hand on his face. "I am here to see you remain in this world. You fought bravely. The Gods shall not claim you on this day." He nodded at me. "You need to fight. More pain awaits you but you need to hold steady so we may mend you." Putting my lips near his ear I told him gently, "Know that Naevia is ever by your side. She wants you to fight. She cares too deeply for you to have you die before ever knowing the great love that you two share. So you must fight. Fight for her." Looking at him, he hardened himself, nodding at me. "Be brave." I told him before looking at Medicus. "He's ready."

The room cleared and it was just me, the Medicus, and Dominus's guards to help hold him down. Taking his head in my hands, I held firm to Crixus as they readied to seal his wound with hot metal. Even I was shaking when I watched the red metal come ever closer to his skin. When Medicus put it to flesh, Crixus's screams filled the room, piercing me right through my heart. It was unbearable and seemed to take hours before the metal was put away and Crixus lay unconscious from the pain. His wounds were closed but it was only the beginning. He had weeks if not months of recovery ahead of him. That was if he made it through the night. When he was finally resting as comfortably as he could, I sat against the wall, watching him, making sure his chest still rose and fell. At times it seemed to falter before becoming steady again. I was exhausted. I didn't know how much time had passed when Domina and Naevia reappeared in the doorway.

"Does he live?" Domina asked.

"Yes." I told her, slowly getting to my feet. "We have mended him as best we can. He has a long road ahead of him. If he makes it through the night his chance of survival will grow."

"You're exhausted." Domina smiled at me. "Go clean up and rest."

Nodding at her, I extended my hand to Naevia before snatching it back after I saw all the blood on my hands. She smiled at me, nodding before stepping closer to Domina, wanting to be as close to Crixus as she could get. Leaving the room, moving through the gladiators' quarters, through the gathering space, I stepped out into the rain. All the while my mind was going through what I had just witnessed. What I had just needed to do to save a life. Night had fallen but the rain was pouring just as hard as it had been earlier. As soon as it hit me, all the emotion I had been holding in started to seep out. Looking at the blood that covered my hands and arms, ran down the length of my dress enough to even stain my knees. My body started to shake as I walked further out into the rain, stumbling before falling to my knees. The rain ran red as it slid off of me. Looking up to the heavens I opened my mouth and screamed my agony. Screamed before the sobs caught in my throat making me gasp harshly as I tried to suck air back into my lungs. My eyes had never lain upon such a gruesome sight. I'd seen men die in the arena, but to see the carnage up close affected me more than I had thought or anticipated. My mind tried to work through it as I stared at my bloodied hands.

Without forewarning, hands were on my arms, running down them, along my forearms until their hands were in mine. They were large and strong. Their fingers laced with mine as a body pressed against my back. Turning my head, I looked up into the ocean that was Varro's eyes. Seeing calmness and sadness in them crashing down on me as wave's crash against the shore. My tears came faster as I looked again at the blood on my hands. Leaning back against his strong form, I felt his breath against me as he moved his hands back and forth across my hands and arms, wiping the blood clean from my skin. Moving to my chest, neck and face he continued to wipe the blood away. The roughness of his hands was calming, making my sobs more sporadic than constant. When my breathing had regulated, his arms were still moving back and forth across my skin.

"Gratitude." I whispered to him.

He folded my arms against my chest, his covering them as he wrapped his arms around me, pinning me to his chest. He rested his head against mine, sighing softly into my ear. Leaning my head against his, I let him hold me until my shaking had subsided and I once again had control over my emotions.

"Gratitude." I told him again, my voice cracking.

"Are you all right?" He asked gently.

Shaking my head, tears were in my eyes again. "I've never seen anything like it. Nor have I ever heard such agony coming from one person."

"I'm sorry you had to witness it."

"I wanted to help." I told him sadly. "I wanted to help him."

"You did help him." He stated matter-of-factly.

"He might die and –" I said cutting myself off.

"And what?" He asked.

"He can't die."

"Why not?"

"Because Naevia will be broken if he dies." I told him.

"Take a moment and do not think about Naevia. Or about Crixus. Simply think about you." He replied sweetly. "What are you feeling?"

Taking a moment to even consider the question, tears once again filled my eyes. "I'm sad and afraid. I'm lonely and confused." I told him with furrowed brows, leaning away from him, looking at my, now clean, hands. "I feel everything." I whispered.

"Let me take you back inside." He told me sweetly.

"I want to stay here." I stated as emotionless as I could. "The rain makes it better."

"Lea, come." He said pulling me onto my feet.

Turning to him, I looked up into his face. His proximity was enough to make my mind fog over. Make me lose myself in his eyes and the scent of him. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel his hands upon me and mine against his. But for a moment that all fell away. For in this moment I wanted nothing from him. My mind was racing with what I'd seen and done. It was yet too fresh.

"Leave me, Varro." I told him. "I can take care of myself."

He frowned at me, taken aback before his expression smoothed. "I am sorry if I've been cold toward you. I'd never wish to cause you any pain."

"You have a wife and son. Believe me when I say your intentions are well known. I will not make a move to win your affections. I will not be hated that way. I will not put myself through pain that way." I told him. "You have nothing to fear from me and you don't have to watch over me. I can take care of myself."

For a moment we simply looked at each other before I stepped around him, going back inside without a glance backward at him. I didn't want to see his expression. I didn't want to see what I wanted to see, or worse, what I didn't. Rushing through the villa, I went to my chambers, finding it empty. Changing into something clean and dry, I sat on my bed, going through the night's events. For a moment I had had what I wanted. Varro was there and had taken me in his arms. Only I had ruined in with heated words and clouded mind. Or perhaps my mind had been too clear. I knew of his family and had decided that it mattered not. But it mattered more than I was willing to admit. I was not about to take a man from the arms of loving wife. If a woman dared to try and do the same then the Gods wouldn't be able to save her. All of this was swimming in my head, making sleep hard to befriend, leaving me to lie upon my bed, staring at the ceiling.

Even when I heard Naevia return I remained silent. I wanted to break no words or show no emotion. For now I wanted to be as invisible as the Gods. My presence unknown, yet felt. She said nothing as she lay in bed, quiet sobs drifting over to me. Still not wanting to say a word, I remained silent, wanting to sink into the bed I lay upon. I was grateful when she finally fell asleep, her gentle breathing a constant as sleep continued to evade me. Even at dawn's first light I remained awake and staring.

Rising, unable to stand it any longer, I cleaned and dressed before making my way back down to the gladiator gates. I was not questioned when I asked for entrance, walking swiftly to the Medicus without looking at anyone that I passed. Slowing when I neared the door, I could already smell the blood. Stepping inside, Crixus looked fragile, too fragile for a gladiator, shaking from the pain and blood loss. Kneeling at his side, I chased the flies away, cleaning and tending his wounds. My stomach turned as more blood was smeared across my skin in the process.

"You're here early." Medicus told me when he appeared.

"I couldn't sleep." I told him.

"The sight plaguing your mind?" He asked. My silence was his answer. "It's always hard the first time. It'll get easier."

"I'm not sure that's a comfort." I stated.

"It should be. If they keep sending you here you'll be seeing worse than poor Crixus here."

"I'm not sure I could handle more than this." I said softly, wiping Crixus's brow with a wet cloth.

"In time you will." He told me. "How does he fare?"

"He's in pain. His fever has worsened." I replied.

"He's strong. He may yet survive." He said nonchalantly. "Domina must care a great deal about this gladiator."

"Please explain your words." I frowned at him.

"She has sent you to care for the gladiators. I've appreciated your help. Only now she also sends her other slave to care for this man. Making sure he is tended to better than the others. She has not taken such interest in any gladiator before." He told me, curiousness in his tone.

Standing, I turned to him, feeling the anger that passed my face. "Cast all thoughts of this from mind. Crixus is a champion and is simply being treated as such. He has elevated this ludus and deserves to be saved."

"Apologies." He said with a subtle bow.

"Cease all talk on the subject and see us even." I replied with a more relaxed tone, though my body was still prepared for any action required.

"Lea." Spartacus's voice said from behind me.

"Bringer of Rain!" Medicus explained with excitement. "How kind of you to come see your fallen comrade."

"Leave us." Spartacus told him.

"As you wish." He said and quickly left.

"Are you well?" Spartacus asked me as soon as he was gone.

"Bringer of Rain?" I countered looking up at him, avoiding the question.

"I was the one who killed Theokoles." He answered. "I've been deemed the new Champion of Capua."

"Congratulations." I smiled at him.

He nodded at me with a small smile. Though it quickly disappeared. "Now, how do you fare?"

"I am well." I told him with as much truth as I could muster.

He gently took my hands in his. I had been unconsciously wringing them, the blood starting to dry on my hands. Leading me to a clean bench, he sat me down, taking a bowl of water and cloth from the table, kneeling in front of me. He wet the cloth and gently wiped the blood from my hands.

"Varro is concerned for you." He told me.

"Tell him to remove me from thought. I should hold no weight in his mind." I replied softly.

"You should not be here." He said with the same tone.

"I have only ever desired to help." I stated as tears filled my eyes.

"Have you ever thought of helping yourself?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I was born and raised in this house. I've seen many come and go by various means. There's no escaping this place. No hope in being gifted any semblance of life other than slavery. I see that now." I told him and paused. "I see hope in the eyes of Naevia. I see hope in the eyes of Crixus. I see something that if given the chance can grow and become more than a dream."

"Your thoughts grow dark." He told me.

"No. They grow brighter for the ones I love." I replied. "You can understand that."

"No." He stated. "I think only of myself and having my wife returned to my arms. Which is drawing ever nearer for Batiatus has found and procured her. She is on her way here as we speak."

"Then you do understand." I smiled at him. "I am happy for you."

"Gratitude." He smiled back. "Now, returning to subject."

"Which is?" I asked giving a slight roll of my eyes.

"Varro is concerned for you." He said repeating his earlier words.

"Do not speak his name to me." I told him coldly.

"It seems we've gone from one extreme to the other." He sighed.

"Remember when you didn't want me to go near him?" I frowned.

"Yes, only now you've become a distraction to my friend." He stated.

"Don't make me laugh." I said with disdain in my voice.

"Has seeing Crixus like this really affected you so?" He asked with concern. Unable to reply, I met his eyes, his face blurring as tears filled mine. Understanding crossed his face. "You're preparing yourself." He stated. My answer was clear as I now averted my eyes from his. "You're terrified of seeing Varro like Crixus now lies. Or worse…dead."

"I cannot see him this way." I whispered, unable to make my voice any stronger, tears falling down my cheeks as I looked up at him. "I cannot watch him suffer. I cannot watch him die. I would not survive it."

"Lea…" He said looking at me with such sadness, his hands gripping mine tighter.

"I shouldn't care for him this way. But the thought of any harm befalling him turns my stomach." I told him shutting my eyes.

He released my hands, putting them on my face, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. "He will be safe. No harm with befall him."

Opening my eyes, I frowned at him. "You cannot promise me that."

"I am the new Champion of Capua. I will see him unharmed." He told me.

"Your words change nothing." I replied sadly.

"Yours can change everything." He countered.

"You speak falsely." I said raising my brow.

"His distraction will cause him harm." He tried to reason. I eyed him unbelievingly. "He cares for you."

"Your words hurt more than they help." I told him sadly.

He sighed, gently pulling me up to my feet. Wrapping his arm around me, he led me from the room, leading me toward the gates. We were at the door when Varro stepped into sight. Averting my eyes, I simply stood there, not wanting to see him. I wanted nothing more than to let him go. Free myself from a bond that can never be.

Spartacus put his hand on my back, leaning close to my ear. "Speak with him."

I watched him walk away before I sighed, turning to finally meet Varro's eyes. "Hello."

"Hello." He told me with a half-smile that made me feel weak. "Are you well?"

"No." I frowned at him.

The smile was wiped clean from his face. "What's wrong?" He asked stepping up to me, gently gripping my arm.

Gently pulling my arm free of his touch, I averted my eyes from his. "Please, do not touch me."

"Lea, I am sorry for any offence I have made against you." He told me almost pleadingly.

Meeting his eyes again, I hardened myself for what I was about to say. "Your concern is not needed. You should only be concerned about staying alive in the arena so you can be reunited with your wife and son." I told him before smiling sadly at him. "I should mean nothing to you."

"I'm relieved that you've come to terms with this after making me feel for you." He replied angrily.

"I cannot make you feel anything." I told him. "Your concern is touching but unfounded." In the next moment he had gripped my arms, pulling me closer to him. "Varro." I said putting my hands on his chest.

"Whether you believe it or not, I care for you." He told me with a frown.

"And I care for you." I told him. "This is why I will step away from you instead of toward you." He frowned further. "Spartacus said I am a distraction to you. Please do not let me be." He nodded and let me go. "I will not see you lying on a bench as Crixus does. I would not survive it." I said taking his head in my hands, staring in his eyes as I ran my thumbs back and forth across his cheekbones. "So fight. Win. Live."

With his expression softening, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sighed, burying my face in his neck, breathing him in. Running my hand down the back of his head, I released him, taking his head in my hands once again as I met his eyes, smiling.

"Do not think of me. Think only of what you're here to fight for."

"Will you do the same?" He asked. Smiling wider, I nodded at him. "Liar."

"I live only to serve my Domina." I told him.

"Serve yourself." He told me with raised brows.

"I cannot have what I want." I said as I again ran my thumbs back and forth against his cheeks. He frowned before placing a long kiss against my forehead. "I must go." I told him, quickly calling a guard to let me out, rushing up the stairs.


	9. Love and Despair

_**Chapter Eight: Love and Despair**_

Finding a moment alone in my chambers, I was grateful for the quiet. The morning had been long. Heavy thoughts were weighing on me. Normally I would have been rising as high as the Gods to hear that Varro cared for me. But seeing Crixus had shown me what could befall the man I cared so much for. He couldn't end up like the Undefeated Gaul. Though my subconscious had already shown me what it would look like. My mind plagued with possibilities that made my stomach turn and my mouth turn to ash.

"There you are." Naevia said coming in.

"I was looking to be alone." I told her.

"Why pray tell?" She asked sitting next to me. Standing, I moved across the room from her. She frowned and watched me as I started to pace. "Are you upset with me?"

"I'm upset with the situation." I told her. "Seeing Crixus this way has upset me. It's put into motion too many disturbing thoughts."

"Is this about Varro?" She asked.

"I cannot see him in such pain. Crixus suffers. He may never be the same man again." I confided in her.

"Crixus will be fine." She told me, standing to face me better. "He will live and we will once again be together."

Scoffing, I nodded at her. "As together as two slaves can be."

"Speak your meaning." She told me with harshness to her words.

"I meant nothing by it." I told her softly. "I've simply come to terms with the longevity of gladiators. I've never cared as much as I do now. I'm afraid to see the men I've come to care for fall to appease Roman amusement."

"You're in love with him." She said so gently that I stopped, turning to her.

"I don't even know what a love like that feels like." I shot at her.

"You do." She smiled standing and taking my hands in hers. "It happened without you noticing it."

"It matters not what I feel, Naevia." I told her with disdain. "I cannot compete with a wife and son."

"Lea." She frowned.

"It's better this way." I nodded at her. "Words fall short. Feelings will wane. Life will go on. Varro will survive and win back his freedom. He will return to the loving arms of his family and life…will go on. Just as it has for the entirety of our lives." I told her before walking away from her.

"Lea, please." She said following me.

"Lea, there you are." Domina said appearing in front of me.

"Domina." I said curtseying to her. "Forgive me for my absence."

"Medicus mentioned that you were having trouble seeing Crixus's state." She told me.

"I've found it…_difficult_ to see such injury come to a man such as Crixus. Finally understanding the pain and suffering that gladiators must go through." I told her without giving too much away.

"Yes, it does have its moments." Domina told me with a sad smile.

"How can I serve you?" I asked her.

For a moment she simply looked at me. Her expression was soft and her eyes were telling me that she was feeling something very similar. "We are very depressing people, you and I. Naevia seems to be taking it better than the pair of us."

Smiling, I dared to speak my mind. "She may be the strongest of us."

Smiling, Domina nodded. "Naevia, please go and tend to the Gaul." She said without looking at her.

I knew that it was killing her inside. She loved Crixus just as much as Naevia did, if not more. It was a deluded love, but love nonetheless. Walking away, Domina led me to the balcony. Standing under the overhang as the rain continued to come down. Looking out over the training gladiators, I felt a wave of sorrow move over me. Varro looked up at me, a small smile crossing his face. Keeping my expression blank, I felt my eyes grow wet, frowning as I pushed them away with all my might.

"I've seen gladiators die time and time again." Domina told me. "But I've never wished no harm upon any of them."

"Why tell me this?" I frowned at her.

"Because there are some words that shouldn't be said. Even to the ones we love the most." She told me.

"Gratitude." I told her with a small smile.

She smiled but said no more. In this moment I felt the closest we'd ever been. I found it most agreeable. Even if I knew that it was the most fleeting of moments. It had been over before the word had fully passed my lips, and yet I'd cherish it for always.

The day went on and Domina once again returned to the Medicus while her husband was out of the villa. I was set to making the villa spotless for when Dominus brought Calavius and his son Numerius home with him. We were to entertain and I needed to make sure that the rest of the slaves were in order and that they were prepared to serve guests. I would do it. I would make my masters happy. But today I hated the monotonous that was my life. I had never truly hated the life I lived. It was all I knew. To hope for anything more was a death sentence. Only now I stood on the balcony letting the rain fall on top of me, feeling like I was standing at the edge of some big precipice on the verge of falling. My head was spinning. Shutting my eyes I tried to make it stop, the world still spinning only now I was in the dark. Bowing my head, I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw was the blue of Varro's eyes from below me. Suddenly everything stopped and became clearer than it had been before. His eyes held concern yet were more calming to me than anything else could possibly be. For a moment I smiled at him, but as soon as it came, I erased it. He was right to be cold. He was right to ignore me. We'd both be better off in the end. He needed to concentrate on his training. On staying alive. Turning away, I meant to leave the balcony but was stopped by a hard chest.

"Ashur." I frowned up at him.

"Lea." He said brushing his fingers down my arm.

"There is much work that needs to be done." I said trying to move around him.

His arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me back against the railing of the balcony. Pain pulsed briefly across my lower back, making me flinch, but I recovered immediately. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of seeing me in pain. I would also not let him intimidate me.

"You have time." He told me.

"I honestly do not. I must warn you that Domina would not appreciate you laying your hands on me." I stated. "Again."

"You didn't tell Domina then and you won't now." He said reaching his hand up and gently brushing the back of his fingers across my cheek. "I won't leave a mark where she can see it." He said spinning me, pressing me against the railing as he pressed against my back.

For a moment there was a sense of fear, than I noticed the commotion below me. Looking down, I saw several of the gladiators holding back one of their own. Varro was looking up at us with fierceness to match the fiercest of creatures. He was fighting hard against them, the strain clear in his muscles and the force the others were using. He started to shake with the effort as he tried to come to my aid. The fear that attempted to sink in was washed away by the look in his eyes. They were full of anger when they looked at Ashur and concern and caring when they laid on me.

"Ah, I see where your heart lies." Ashur said softly in my ear.

Deciding that I was not to play victim, I took a series of deep breaths before I clenched my jaw, slamming my head back into Ashur's face. He took several steps away from me, covering his nose with his hand. Turning to him, he took a step toward me only to be met with my fist.

"I am not some weak girl." I told him, stepping up to him. "I will not let you try and manipulate me and you will not harm me. Touch me again and you will see the full extent of my meaning."

Instead of accepting what I said he simply laughed before swiftly taking my neck in his grip. Hearing the commotion rise behind me, I looked into Ashur's eyes. "Do not think you can fight me, little girl. If I want something, all I have to do is reach out and take it." He told me.

"And if I'm not mistaken I told you not to touch me again." I said and thrust my knee into his groin, his face colliding with it as he doubled over, the force of it making him fall onto his back. Bending down, I put my lips against his ear. "It would do you well to remember this in the future." I told him.

Straightening, I looked over the balcony, immediately meeting Varro's eyes. He was still being held back, his breathing heavy. Taking a deep breath, I nodded at him, giving him the briefest of smiles before I disappeared into the villa. As soon as I found a corner to hide in, I couldn't stop the heaving of my chest as I let my fear out. I was terrified. Ashur was unpredictable. He was a liar. He was merciless. Suddenly needing to feel comfort I so desperately craved, I rushed down to the gladiator gates. Tears sprang to my eyes as I saw Varro already standing in wait, pacing as his eyes darted with thoughts. His expression was hard but the relief that crossed his face when he looked at me was enough to completely crumble any resolve I had. Rushing to the gate, I reached through the bars just as he did. He took my head in his hands as I put mine against his chest. Tears ran down my cheeks as I leaned into his touch.

"Did he harm you?" He asked urgently, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

"No." I told him, one hand moving to his forearm, feeling his muscles tense and loosen with his built up tension.

"You're shaking." He frowned.

"I'm just scared." I told him as emotion caught in my throat.

"If they had let me go I would have been able to protect you." He told me sadly.

"No, any act out of turn would have been horrible for you." I stated matter-of-factly. "You show much promise. I will not be the reason that that is jeopardized."

"Lea, I will survive." He told me with a small smile, gently running his hand down my hair. "I am not going to die. Not here."

"No." I smiled, shaking my head at him. "You're going to keep winning, repay your debts, and return to your family."

"Lea." He said sadly.

"It's okay." I smiled now nodding. "Gratitude."

"I do care about you." He told me, running his hands down my neck.

I could hear the 'but' in the tone of his voice. "I know." I said with my smile faltering. "And I care for you. Perhaps we can remain friends even after you're free of this place."

"Maybe one day you'll be free as well."

"No. But I too will survive."

He smiled at me before it fell, his brows furrowing as his thumb touched a tender spot on my neck. "He harmed you."

"I'm fine." I smiled at him. "I can take care of myself."

"I know. I saw." He smiled. "It doesn't stop the worry."

"Or the fury." I commented with a raised brow.

"I may have lost some control." He smirked.

"May have?" I smirked as I covered his hand with mine, rubbing it gently. He bowed his head and laughed lightly. "I cannot deny that it pleased me."

"Nor I when you came rushing down here." He said now moving his hands to my hips.

Taking his head in my hands, I smiled at him. "I should be getting back upstairs."

"Yes." He smiled moving one hand to my face again.

"Gratitude." I told him again.

"Please take care."

"I will as long as you will."

It was several minutes later before I finally let my hand slip from his as I stepped away from him. Going back up into the villa, I was flying as high as the Gods. Returning to work, I hardly noticed when Domina and Naevia returned, not even minding when Domina wanted to bathe. The water felt cool against my heated skin. I felt as if in a daze, my time with Varro encompassing all of my thoughts. My heart wanted nothing more than to return to him, beating faster at the mere thought of him.

"What is this?" Domina frowned as she touched my neck.

"I had a run in with Ashur." I told her, deciding honesty was important.

"Ashur?" She said taking my chin in her hand, turning it from side to side. She was taking in all the bruises that were appearing and fading. "He did this as well, didn't he?" She frowned and pressed against my cheekbone, making me frown slightly.

"Yes, Domina." I confirmed.

"Why did you not tell me?" She frowned further.

"I was afraid, Domina." I said averting my eyes. "From him. I do not know what he will do."

"I will take care of it." She told me with a deep frown on her face. "Gladiators." She grumbled under her breath.

"Gratitude." I told her.

"Stay out of his way." She told me.

"I attempt it every day, Domina." I replied with a small voice.

"I've given you too much rein." She sighed. I froze at her words. "But you've proven invaluable to the running of this house. If he touches you again, tell me immediately."

"Yes, Domina." I told her and fell silent.

Relief filled me knowing that I still held the little freedom I had within the ludus walls. We were still bathing when Dominus appeared. Domina excused us, a hard expression on her face. Something had happened that I knew nothing about. Naevia and I dressed and moved to stand outside the room. As much as I wanted to hear what was happening, I knew that I couldn't. Perhaps she was right when she said my reins had grown too long. I was afraid that even I was starting to believe that I wasn't as much a slave as I used to be. I needed to restrain myself. I needed to make sure that I didn't jeopardize everything I had. All my happiness seemed to melt away as I thought of what could happen if I followed the path I was on now. A path that would lead to heartache and despair. All I wanted was love. I did love. I'd do whatever I must to keep that love alive. To keep it safe. No matter the cost to me. He would be safe.

"What game are you playing?" Naevia shot at me in a harsh whisper.

"I'm not playing any games." I frowned at her.

"I saw your face. What happened?" She frowned back.

"I saw Varro, we shared a moment." I told her not feeling guilty. I shouldn't have to feel guilty. She herself was in love with a gladiator.

"You go too far." She told me. "Domina is noticing and getting involved with Ashur? Have you lost your senses completely?" She said angrily.

"I go too far? You slept with the gladiator that she loves." I shot back at her, my words dripping with disdain. She didn't reply. "I may love a taken man but mine is much less harmful than yours."

"We did not lie together." She shot at me. "Crixus feels the same for me as I do for him." She told me calmly. "That is the difference between you and I."

Stung by her words, I moved to the opposite side of the door, looking ahead of me in hopes of ignoring her completely. Soon she was on my other side. "Yes?" I asked her.

"These men have come between us and I cannot stand it." She told me sadly.

"Things such as these have never happened before. We've lived a secluded life." I replied. "Perhaps we aren't as close as I was led to believe."

"We are." She frowned at me.

"Perhaps I'm simply jealous. You may not have lain with Crixus but you've felt his lips and more of his touch than I have of mine. I long to feel him in every way that I can. You're one step ahead of me and I am jealous. All I desire is that and more with mine." I paused a moment before continuing, "I've never even looked twice at a man before now. He cares for me and that makes my heart soar. Even the Bringer of Rain has admitted that to me. It makes letting him go very difficult. I only care about keeping him safe, Naevia. I feel as if I finally have a purpose. Something other than Domina."

"Your words concern me." She said softly.

"Me as well." I replied. "But it matters not. I cannot turn away from him. This infatuation has entered my soul and is now a part of me. I tried to turn away but the pull toward him only intensified. What do you propose I do?" I asked her, wanting to know the answer.

"Ignore him. Have nothing to do with him." She told me.

"I tried that. He as well. We have a connection that I can't explain and cannot ignore. How do you describe your relationship with Crixus? Did it not span from an infatuation he had with you? Did he not seek you out? Did it not happen so swiftly that you hardly noticed when you fell in love with him?" She remained silent. "I share the same with Varro. It is different and yet the same. So tell me, sister, how am I to turn away from him?" Words would still not come to her. "I love him." I stated simply. "You were right. I love him. Whether I should or not the Gods have seen fit to put him in my path. The reason may yet be hidden, but I will see it through to whatever end."

She sighed, looking at me sadly, "To whatever end."

We were silent after that, remaining so as we followed Domina, tending to her in arrival of Calavius and Numerius. The boy was to come train with Spartacus, The Bringer of Rain. The boy was completely enthralled with gladiators, especially Spartacus after defeating Theokoles. As soon as I laid eyes on the boy, something in the atmosphere seemed to shift. I couldn't place the feeling, letting it go, seeing the boy as the innocent child that he was. He was young and enthusiastic. He wanted nothing more than to learn from the mighty gladiator that had become his idol. Not that I could blame him. Spartacus truly was a man to behold. A fearsome beast when needed. Able to be as gentle as the most loving of husbands or lovers. He was like nothing I had ever seen. I thanked the Gods for allowing me to call him friend.

Finding myself on the sands of the training yard, I stood in the shadows with the boy's body slave. The other gladiators were training hard while Spartacus worked with Numerius a short distance away from the rest. It would be safer for the boy if he wasn't thrust into the midst of such men. My eyes were supposed to be lingering on Numerius, to make sure he was safe, but I couldn't help but watch Varro just a few yards from me. To be in the same space as him without metal between us was almost euphoric. My attention returned to Spartacus and the boy when he let out a small gasp. The body slave at my side shifted as if to rush to the boy but stopped and bowed her head to gain control.

"You care much for the boy." I stated.

"He is my Dominus." She replied.

"Yes, I suppose he is." I smiled at her.

Her expression remained blank as she never took her eyes off Numerius. When Doctore called a cease for food and drink, she quickly rushed out to fall into step behind him. I remained in the shade, watching as everyone got their food and sat. Though I was only alone for a moment. The scent of man was at my side a second later, a warm hand pressing against the bare skin of my lower back.

"Your training is coming along well." I smiled without looking at him.

"I didn't think you were watching." He replied. I was able to feel the smirk in his voice. "It seemed you were preoccupied with watching Spartacus train the boy."

"That is my purpose. However I have ever wandering eyes." I grinned, looking up at him.

"Mine as well have wandered." He smiled at me. "And my skill never faltered."

"While training." I told him, my tone scolding him for letting his eyes wander.

"I am engaged with what I'm doing. I've been training hard." He told me, the smile gone from his voice.

Turning to face him, I fought the urge to put my hand on his face. Settling for a hand against his toned abs, I sighed as I met his eyes. For a moment I drowned in them, my heart beating hard against my chest. Recovering quickly, I smiled at him.

"I do not doubt your abilities." I told him. "I only wish for you to remain undistracted."

"Then you should return to the villa." He replied leaning his face closer to mine.

Smiling, feeling my face flush, I leaned ever closer to him. "You tease me. What would your wife think?" I said and walked away from him.

Moving across the room, I stood near the gate, watching Spartacus and Numerius, the boys slave ever watchful. I wasn't alone long as Doctore stepped next to me. Not saying anything to him, I waited for him to speak first. I knew that he was going to mention Varro and I didn't care to hear it if I didn't have to.

"You're on dangerous ground." He stated.

"In what way, Doctore?" I asked.

"You've become far too bold." He said harshly as he turned his body in front of me, blocking me from sight.

"I know." I told him, my demeanor diminishing. "I'm having trouble stopping myself."

"Forget for feelings for the gladiator." He demanded. I looked up at him with furrowed brows. "I see more than you think. And I see trouble for you and for him if Dominus or Domina find out."

"Domina has her toy why can't I have mine?" I shot at him.

He gripped my arm painfully. "You are a slave." He shot at me harshly, his tone low but the anger was clearly there. "Start acting like one."

"Yes, Doctore." I told him, averting my eyes. "I don't know what's come over me."

"Love." He stated. "I know the pull it has. Let it go or you will ruin both your lives."

"How, Doctore?" I asked him, tears threatening to brim in my eyes. "How do I let him go?"

He sighed and released my arm. "If I knew that I would be a better man."

"You are a good man." I told him, I said putting my hand on his chest. "The best I know."

He smiled at me. "You've always been a favored slave. Please don't make me see harm come to you."

"Yes, Doctore." I smiled at him. "Gratitude."

"Know your place." He reminded me.

"Yes, Doctore." I repeated.

He nodded at me before walking away. Taking a deep breath I was anxious for a moment alone when Varro appeared at my side, his hand gently gripping where Doctore had, his thumb gently moving back and forth across my skin.

"What was that about?" He frowned with worry.

"Nothing for you to worry about." I replied.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I didn't reply, hardening myself. "What did he say to you?"

"It doesn't matter." I scoffed looking up at him. "We need to stay away from each other."

"You are the most confusing woman I've ever met." He frowned at me. "What did he say to you?" He repeated.

"If you must know, he was telling me to forget you to save both our lives." I told him a little too harshly. "Just when I think I can be close to you someone is there telling me that I can't." I said turning away from him. "I want to be close to you, Varro. That's never been a secret. You're married and I respect that. However that doesn't mean we can't be close. Yet at every turn I am being thwarted. So many words are being put into my head that my own no longer exists." I finished scoffing with defeat.

Feeling his hands on my arms, he pressed against my back. I could feel his breath against my neck, a heavy gust wafting over me as he let out a long breath. "Then listen to my voice and let all others disappear from your mind. Know that nothing will stop me from fulfilling what I came here to do." He paused and when he spoke again his breath was closer to my skin then it had been a moment before. "I too wish to be close to you."

"Then what remedy do you have for everyone around me telling me how foolish I am?" I asked with a pained expression. He didn't have a response for me. "This can never be. I know that. It's inevitable that you leave and I will never see you again. Perhaps now is a good time to learn distance. I have to get used to life without you, for I am never leaving this place." I told him before walking away, happy to see Numerius at the gate. Asking that the gate be opened, I returned to the villa.

Early evening was spent once again watching Spartacus and Numerius. Spartacus was a good teacher. I shouldn't have been surprised but I could help but be just that as I watched how good he was with the boy. Smiling, I was lost in observing them when there was an unexpected arrival, a message being brought to Dominus. Apparently a boy was alive and missing. The news of the boy changed the demeanor of the room, ending all fun, being told to return to our duties.

It wasn't soon enough when night fell and Naevia and I were excused for the night. The festivities down below were raging, the sound of it reaching us even in our quarters. Spartacus had bought wine and women for his brothers in celebration of his victory. I had been in a foul mood since lunch, but had hidden it marvelously through the remainder of the day. However, now that I sat on my bed, feeling Naevia's eyes upon me, I couldn't help the glare that met her when she finally managed to meet my eyes.

"Apologies for earlier." She told me gently.

"Your opinion is shared by Doctore." I told her gloomily.

"What did he say?" She asked.

"To forget Varro for both our sakes. He also thinks I'm growing too bold. I think he's right. Between Domina and Varro I'm finding myself growing more and more bold, thinking of myself as something other than slave."

"You need to be careful." She told me.

"I know." I shot at her. "That's why I've once again told Varro that distance is needed. Even though all I want is the opposite."

"Apologies, sister." Naevia said running her hand down my hair.

Smiling at her, I leaned into her comfort only to have a guard interrupt us. "Lea." He said tonelessly. "You are summoned."

Sighing, I nodded and stood. All I wanted was to sleep but if I was summoned then sleep would just have to wait. As I was led to the gates below, I assumed it was Medicus needing help with Crixus. But when the guard led me around the celebrating gladiators, I was shocked when he pointed me to Doctore. Frowning, I walked forward to him.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"I know not why I'm doing this." He sighed.

"Doing what?" I asked impatiently.

"Follow me." He said and led me through the sleeping quarters, stopping outside one of the cells. "It's out of love that I do this. I know what it feels like. To not know it. To not embrace it while you have it would be a great disfavor to yourself." He said sadly.

"I miss her too." I smiled at him, putting my hand on his arm. "No one can replace her."

"Some still hold her mannerisms." He smiled putting his hand gently against my face.

Smiling at him, he nodded before walking away. Sighing, I turned to the cell, leaning against the doorframe. Varro was sitting on his bed with a hard expression on his face. Watching him, I couldn't help the pleasure that flowed through me as I took him in. Something was weighing heavily on him. Deciding not to wait for him to say something, I stepped forward and sat next to him, taking his large hand in mine. Lacing my fingers with his, I leaned against him as I put my hand on his arm, loving the smoothness of his skin.

"Why am I here?" I asked him.

"Because you're playing martyr." He finally told me after a long pause, meeting my eyes.

"I'm just trying to protect you." I told him sadly.

"That's my point." He replied. "I'm the one who should be protecting you."

"No." I said shaking my head at him. "I have more rein then you. More pull to keep you safe."

"It's getting you into trouble." He told me.

"I know." I nodded at him.

He put his hand on my face, gently brushing my cheek with his free hand. "Apologies for that."

"It's not your fault. I've become too bold. I'm getting myself into trouble all on my own."

"At my expense."

"I just want something that I can't have. The longing hits me at times and I can't stop it. It's as if I no longer have control of my body. I simply do or say something and the next thing I know I'm being cautioned about my actions and the reasons I have behind them." I explained. "And it doesn't matter if it's because of you. I'll never be sorry for that." I added.

He looked at me a moment before pulled my face to his, his lips pressing against mine in a passionate kiss. Kissing him back, my head immediately began to spin. I had been longing for his moment and now it was happening. Unable to help myself, I straddled his lap, taking his head in my hands as his arms wrapped around me, running up and down my back. My tongue slipped into his mouth, taking in the taste of wine that lingered there. His did the same, dancing with mine in a rhythm all their own. Kissing continuously, running my hands through his hair, it was too soon when he leaned away from me. He had a deep frown on his face. I knew what he was thinking. Putting my hands on the sides of his head, I put my forehead against his.

"I know." I told him. "I know."

"Apologies." He told me, his tone sad.

"None needed." I smiled at him, placing a long kiss against his forehead. "I understand."

"Apologies." He repeated as he ran his hand down my hair several times before they wrapped around me.

"Varro, don't apologize. I understand. I am the one who should be apologizing." I told him gently.

"No." He replied shaking his head.

"Stop." I smiled at him, running my hand down his face, resting it against his neck. "I pushed you into an uncomfortable situation." I told him. "I apologize for seeking to be close with you. It was selfish. I will try and do better in the future."

"It's your turn to stop." He said forcefully. "It's take two."

Nodding at him, I placed another kiss against his forehead. "Would you like to talk for a while?" I asked him.

Finally getting a smile from him, he nodded. Moving from his lap, I sat back against the wall, he did the same, handing me a cup of wine. There was a jug of it sitting on the small table next to his bed. A comfortable air set around us as we started to talk. I asked about his training and how things were progressing. He even went as far as teaching me a few forms that he thought would be pertinent in my wellbeing. At first I found it hard to take seriously, but he was so adamant about it that I couldn't help but straighten myself and take his lesson. I was breathing hard when we once again found ourselves leaning against the wall, wine in hand.

From there he asked me about my mother. What I remembered of her. It was hard to talk about her at first, but the gentleness of his expression made it too easy once he broke through the wall I had built up around her memory. I told him of all the time she spent teaching me how to care and style my hair when I was young, telling me that it would come in useful when I rose in elevation. She perfected my mannerisms that needed to be displayed in front of our masters at all times. She taught me everything she should about being a healer. All the herbs and ways of stopping bleeding. How to properly wrap a wound and to stave off infection. Her father had taught her the same before she was sold to another master. She taught me the proper way to polish silver and to style my Domina. She taught me how to be a slave. Only she made it feel like it was a calling. That it was something I was meant to do. I never thought badly about my life. I knew what I was. I knew what it meant. But I never held anything against my Dominus and Domina. They had been nothing but good to me and went as far to give me my time to grieve when she passed. She was so beautiful. I couldn't help but describe her in detail to him. After I told him all I could I told him of Naevia's mother and then Naevia herself. When I was done he knew more about me than anyone else in this world. It was hard to hide anything from him. I didn't want to.

Since he had asked about mine I couldn't help but ask about his. I asked about the two people that meant the most to him. I knew the words would be hard to hear but I owed him that. I wouldn't be selfish enough to deny him that. He told me of his wife. The love he felt for her was clear in his voice. I couldn't help but feel jealous. Varro would have noticed if he wasn't lost in the telling of his wife. She sounded like a wonderful woman. Beautiful. Gentle. Perfect. I went through three cups of wine while he prated on about her. I was jealous but I still hung on to every word he was saying. Loving the way his mouth moved when he talked. Then he moved to his son. The beautiful blond haired, blue eyed boy, just like his father. Two more cups of wine went down during his talking about him. It wasn't until he was done and he looked at me that he saw what I was feeling. I had been trying to hide it, not wanting to hurt him, but apparently I wasn't as good as I hoped I was.

"Forgive me." He told me. "I know you don't want to hear about them."

"None needed." I smiled at him. "I want to know you. They're a part of you."

"Gratitude." He smiled back at me. "I miss them."

"I can tell." I told him.

For a moment we were silent, only now it had grown awkward. Standing, I frowned at him slightly as he lifted the wine jug. "We are in need of more wine." He smiled. "Wait for me." He said sweetly before disappearing from the room.

Standing, I finished my cup of wine and looked at the few possessions that he owned. I couldn't help but pick up his pillow and gently press my face into it, letting the smell of him flood my senses. I smiled, knowing that this would be the closest I'd get to being with him. Tonight would be something to hold on to for the remainder of my days. Hearing footsteps, knowing that he was back, I replaced his pillow before turning around. My breath caught as I saw the lustful look in his eyes. He put down the jug of wine and smiled at me. Stepping up to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He held me tightly against him, sighing heavily as he placed a gentle kiss against my shoulder.

"I should go." I told him as I released him.

"No." He said taking my head in his hands. "Stay."

Unable to deny him, I nodded, running my hands up and down his chest. Lying on the bed, he positioned himself before opening his arm to me. Smiling, I laid with him, nestling against his side, my head fitting almost too well in the space between his shoulder and chest. Gently running my fingers up and down his chest, his fingers did the same to my arm. For a moment we were quiet before we started talking again. Our topics much more safe then they had been before. We spoke of favorite foods, colors, and anything else that came to mind. All the tension had been removed and we fell into a normalcy that I'd never experienced before. I could do this every day and never grow board of it. He was amazing and I couldn't get enough of him. I loved every moment with him, never wanting this night to end. We talked, we laughed, and we shared the occasional kiss. It was perfect. I may not get to keep him but in this moment it seemed as if everything had fallen into place.


	10. Unjust

**Disclaimer: You know what it is. If not, please see chapter one. Thank you.**

**A/N: Here is the next chapter! I hope you all are enjoying it thus far. I just want to send a big THANK YOU to wabi-sabi1090! I love your reviews and am always looking forward to them. You're by far my most devoted reviewer and I very much appreciate it. Hope you enjoy the next chapter and the remainder of the story!**

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_**Chapter Nine: Unjust**_

Come morning, I woke to the steady rise and fall of Varro's chest. I felt his lips against my hair, making me refuse to move. I didn't want this night to end any sooner than it had to. I already knew that trouble could be waiting for me when I returned to the villa. I only hoped that Naevia would keep Domina at bay until I returned to them. Shifting slightly, running my hand across his chest, his arm tightened around me as he woke.

Lifting my head, I smiled at him, "Morning."

"Morning." He said giving me a half smile before kissing my lips sweetly.

Smiling wider, I kissed him again, deeply. "I think it's time I return to the villa." I told him, moving to get up.

He stopped me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, "Stay."

"I did stay." I smiled at him.

"Stay longer." He smirked at me.

"I'd love to, but Domina will think my absence strange if I'm gone too long." I replied sadly.

"She'll be fine." He said gently moving my hair from my face, placing a kiss against my forehead.

"You say that now." I smiled, resting my head against his chest. "I want nothing more than to stay here with you, but there are things that need tending to. Besides, training will be starting soon."

"I wouldn't worry about that." He told me, gently trailing his fingers through my hair.

"Why not?" I asked lifting my head to look at him. His face gave something away that he'd been hiding. "What do you know?" I asked. He stared at the ceiling. "Varro." I frowned, hitting his chest as I sat up to face him better. He sat up as well, letting out a heavy sigh. "What are you hiding?"

"Spartacus plans on escaping." He told me. "Sura arrives today and he plans on rescuing her and making a run for it."

"What?!" I exclaimed as I stood and paced his cell. "You must be joking." I told him. "Does he know that if he tries something like that we will all suffer the consequences?"

"I attempted to talk him out of it but my words were lost on him." He told me standing and taking my arms. "Please, make nothing of this."

"I need to find him." I said moving to leave, only to have him keep me in place.

"Please, I can handle this." He stated.

"I hope so." I replied, sighing to try and relax. "Because if you don't, and he does something against our masters, we're all dead."

"It won't come to that." He reassured me.

In the distance we heard horses agitated neighs. Looking up at Varro, my stomach fell, and we both rushed from the cell, moving to see what the commotion was. When the courtyard came into view, we were just in time to see the carriage come charging into view. The other gladiators were coming out to see what was happening.

"Is it happening?" I asked Varro.

"I don't know." He frowned, putting his arm around my waist.

"You're worried." I noticed, looking up at him.

"I'm fine." He replied but his grip ever so slightly tightened.

Putting my arm around him, leaning into his side, he seemed to relax as we waited to see what was going to happen. Spartacus appeared across the yard, coming out of his new quarters. He was in his new armor that they had gotten him the previous day. He looked sure of himself. Varro was right, he was planning something. Feeling myself leaning forward, wanting to stop something from happening, Varro's grip tightened and I looked up at him anxiously. He placed a gentle kiss against my forehead. Sighing, I put my free hand against his chest as I turned into him. Dominus came down and stepped up onto the carriage, the rain stopping as if on cue, talking to the driver. He was shaking. There was a lack of movement. It was too quiet. Then Doctore appeared, his face hardening when he saw Spartacus, moving swiftly toward him.

"Something's wrong." I told Varro, my blood running cold. "Something's very wrong."

Varro attempted to stop Doctore but the man simply bushed him aside. Then we saw the blood. The driver's shirt was soaked with it. Spartacus too noticed, as well as the rest of us, Doctore included. Spartacus rushed to the back of the carriage, panic written across his face. Dominus wore a sorrowful look. Breathing slowly, I watched as Spartacus opened the back of the carriage…his wife falling backward, lying lifeless, her body cut and bloodied. Spartacus's face made my heart ache. He pulled her free from the carriage, cradling her in his arms. My eyes filled with tears as I watched them. She caressed his face with a shaky hand. She was dying. There was no stopping it. She was already too far gone. Covering my mouth with the shock of it, I tried to hold the sobs that were starting to come to the surface. Varro wrapped an arm around my head as he turned me further into him. My eyes were still locked on Spartacus and his dying wife, watching her take her last breath in his arms. Tears were streaming as I watched him cry over her body, holding her, rocking her with as much care as I was sure he treated her in life.

Finally turning away from them, I turned my face into Varro's chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around me, pressing his face into my hair, whispering assuring words. He swiftly pulled me into the shadows, taking my head in his hands. His expression was sorrow filled as he wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. Looking into his eyes, he gave me his boyish half smile. Giving him the best smile I could, I kissed him deeply before wrapping my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the ground as he held me tightly.

"It's okay." He told me softly.

"It's not." I replied. "She's dead. She was everything to him."

"I know." He said releasing me, taking my head in his hands again. "But he's strong. He will survive this."

"No." I said shaking my head. "He won't."

"Lea." He said with furrowed brows, pulling me against his chest. "You're breaking my heart." He whispered.

Sobbing against him, he held me until I grew silent. When it finally happened, he continued to hold me, running his hand down my hair. "Apologies." I told him.

"Don't." He smiled.

"I've never seen anyone die before. Not like that." I told him. "And Spartacus…oh god…" I said as another wave threatened to take over.

"Take her to the Medicus's room." Doctore said suddenly appearing. "Protect her from her Domina." He said looking at Varro.

He nodded and swiftly took me to the Medicus. Sitting me down on a cot, the smell of blood was thick in the air. Before I could help myself I threw up the contents of my stomach. Medicus witnessed this and went to get me a cup of water. Varro sat at my side, holding my hair back as I dry heaved a few times when my stomach was empty. I was shaking, what I'd just seen playing over and over in my mind. It was too soon. Too soon after Crixus. Speaking gently, Varro had me lie down, kneeling on the floor next to me.

"I feel like an idiot." I smiled at him. "Apologies."

"Don't." He told me again. "Seeing such things takes getting used to."

"She was his wife." I told him as my eyes grew wet again. "She was everything to him and now she's been taken from him. He's going to seek out revenge against whoever is behind this. You know this."

"I know." He nodded.

"He's going to be broken. What is he going to live for now?" I asked.

"This house." He told me, smiling. "He'll live for glory and coin."

Scoffing, I shook my head, averting my eyes from his. "It means nothing without the one you love." Then I met his again. "And his love was just taken from him. What would you do if your wife was deliberately harmed and died in your arms?" He just looked at me. "Excuse me." I told him as I stood, moving from the room.

"Don't make this about my wife." He said following me.

"I'm not." I told him, putting my hand on his chest. "It just feels that every time we share a moment, she's being pushed into my face. As she should be. She's your wife. But I have fallen for you and I can't help the jealousy that I feel. Now Spartacus's wife is dead. Making yours that much more precious."

"She's not here." He told me.

"I am not going to put you in that position." I said shaking my head. "I cherish the feel of you beneath my hands. Against my skin." I told him softly. "As much as I want to claim you as mine, you are already claimed, and I cannot ignore that."

"I'm not asking you to." He frowned at me. "Last night was one of the best of my life. Don't ruin that."

"I don't want to." I frowned up at him. "But what do you want from me?"

"Your friendship. Your comfort. Your –" He said and stopped.

"My what? My love?" I asked him gently. He didn't say anything. "It's okay." I said taking his head in my hands, leaning up and kissing him sweetly. "Let's forget about everything and just feel whatever we're feeling for as long as we can."

He nodded, wrapping his arms around me. "For as long as we can."

Remaining with him for only a few more moments, I went up into the villa and into my room. Lying on my bed, feeling horrible, it was only a few minutes later that I heard Naevia's fast talking in the hallway before Domina appeared with Naevia on her heels.

"Lea." Domina said with a raised brow.

"Domina." I said sitting up, my shaking hadn't fully subsided and my eyes felt red and swollen.

"You look unwell." Domina commented.

"I'm afraid I'm not myself today." I replied.

"Yes, Naevia mentioned you weren't feeling well." She smiled, lacing her hands together in front of her.

"Apologies, Domina." I said standing, taking a moment to get my balance.

"Rest." She said putting her hands on my arms. "Get well."

"Gratitude." I smiled at her, sitting back down.

"Naevia, tend to her before rejoining me." She said before leaving the room.

My face fell the moment she was out of sight. I could feel the color draining from my face as the day's events went through my mind. Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes, bowing my head. Naevia quickly kneeled in front of me, putting her hands on my knees. She was silent as she took in my expression. When I opened my eyes and finally met hers, a few stray tears fell down the trenches that my earlier tears had already caused.

"What happened? Where have you been?" She asked urgently.

"Spartacus's wife is dead." I told her. "She made it all the way here only to die in her husband's arms. I watched it happen. Watched as he took her bloodied body from the caravan. Watched him cradle her in his arms one last time."

"Why were you down there?" She asked.

"I stayed with Varro." I told her. "We talked and drank wine. We fell asleep in each other's arms. And come morning this is what occurred."

"Was it a good night?" She asked with a small smile.

"It was perfect." I told her, smiling as more tears slid down my cheeks.

She smiled before it disappeared as she ran her hand down my hair. "You look exhausted. Sleep."

Nodding at her, I laid down, shutting my eyes. The villa was quiet but my mind kept racing. I wanted to remember the happiness I felt last night. The happiness I felt this morning waking up in Varro's arms. But all I could see when I closed my eyes was Sura's death. Watching gladiators for sport was bad enough. Now someone had killed a friend's reason to live. Focusing on Varro's face, it was hours before I could relax enough to fall asleep. A sleep that was anything but peaceful.

When I woke, Varro was smiling at me. Sitting up quickly, I wiped the sleep from my eyes before putting my hand on his face. "How did you get here?" I asked sleepily.

"I charmed my way." He smirked at me.

Smiling, laughing lightly, I met his eyes, "Well, you are very charming."

He let out a quiet laugh before he put his hand on my face. "And I was worried."

"I'm okay." I smiled at him. He looked unconvinced. Rubbing his hand with mine, I leaned into his touch. "I'm much better now that you're here."

Smiling, he leaned forward and placed a long kiss against my forehead. "Come, Spartacus is laying Sura to rest. He wants you there."

"Okay." I smiled, standing, using his strong form to keep my balance. "I should change and freshen up." I said running my fingers through my hair.

"I'll wait for you." He told me with a small smile.

Nodding at him, I turned and pulled the pins holding my dress together, letting it fall to the floor. Reaching for a darker dress, I felt finger tips run across my shoulder blades. Turning, Varro was looking at me with the same lustful eyes as he had looked at me with last night.

"Varro." I said putting my hand against his chest, keeping him at arms-length. "You won't forgive yourself if you do this." I told him. "How would you keep it from your wife? It's not fair to her or to me."

"Lea, you are absolutely right." He smiled and turned around.

Sighing, I shook my head at him before securing the dress, redoing my hair before following him from the room. Leading me back to the courtyard, there was already a group, including Domina and Dominus. Varro joined the other gladiators while I stepped up behind Domina's shoulder. It was hard to watch Spartacus carry his wife to the pyre, placing her atop it. Varro was at the forefront of the group, holding the torch that was to light the pyre. Spartacus looked stoic as he laid her to rest, taking the torch from Varro, and setting flame to the pyre. Tears fell as I watched it go up in flames, my heart aching for my friend. Once the pyre had burned through, and everyone paid their respects, people started to turn away, continuing with their daily lives.

Staying in place, Domina stepped up to me, putting a hand on my arm. "Thank you for coming." She smiled. "But you should return to your chambers and rest."

"Gratitude." I told her with a weak voice.

"You." She said pointing to Varro. "You escorted her here. Escort her back to her chambers."

"Domina." He said moving to my side. "Lea." He said quietly with a concerned tone. Nodding at him, I leaned into his side as he slowly led me from the courtyard. He was silent until we were out of earshot of anyone else. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." I said looking up at him. "I'm simply emotionally drained."

"You've seen a lot." He stated.

"It worries me." I told him barely above a whisper as we turned into my room.

"Why?" He asked as he sat me on my bed.

"You need to stay safe." I told him, gripping his arms as he knelt in front of me. "This cannot go on if it is going to end similar to this. I will not risk any of our lives just to feel happy."

"Any of our lives?" He asked with furrowed brows.

"Yours, mine, every other slave in this house, and there's the life of your wife and son." I told him. He sighed but smiled sweetly at me. "What happened to Sura could happen to any of us if given provocation. We cannot provoke them."

"Who's 'them'?" He asked.

"Perhaps our masters." I told him.

"They know nothing. Domina even allowed me to escort you." He replied.

"It still worries me." I sighed, running my fingers through his hair.

"Worry not." He smiled, kissing me sweetly. "Nothing is going to happen to us. We will be safe."

Nodding at him, I rested my forehead against his. It lasted only a few moments before he stood, holding my hand in his. He smiled at me, leaning down, kissing me once more before he left. Sighing, I laid down, feeling just as tired as I had earlier. Smiling, picturing Varro's face, I fell asleep quickly. A much more peaceful sleep then I had been given this morning.

When I woke, the villa was dark. Looking over, I saw Naevia's empty bed. Feeling refreshed, I stood and slowly moved from the room. The house was quiet, everyone slumbering in their beds. Moving down to the lower level, I requested access, wanting to check on Crixus, assuming that that's where I would find Naevia. Restraining myself, I forced my feet to keep their course to the Medicus's quarters, even though my eyes moved in Varro's direction, knowing he would still be in his cell.

Stopping in the doorway, I smiled as I beheld Naevia leaning over Crixus, sweet kisses being shared. He had woken and she was happier because of it. Clearing my throat, Naevia shot to her feet, spinning to face me. She immediately relaxed at the sight of me, kneeling once again at Crixus's side.

"Have you been here long?" I asked her.

"Not long." Naevia replied.

"Crixus." I smiled at the Gaul.

"Lea." He said weakly.

Moving to his other side, I put the back of my hand to his forehead before checking the remainder of his wounds. "You're healing well." I smiled at him. "Better than we could have hoped for."

"When will I be able to fight again?" He asked me.

"It will take time." I told him honestly. "Do not rush things or you may undo what I've worked so hard to accomplish."

"Apologies." He told me with a small frown.

"No need." I smiled at him. "Just rest."

"Thank you." Naevia said putting her hand on my arm.

"How long will you be?" I asked her.

"As long as I can." She smiled.

"I think I will seek out Varro. Come get me from his cell when you're done here." I told her.

"Of course." She smiled with a nod.

"Gratitude." I said kissing her cheek before leaving the room.

Moving through the sleeping area, I found Varro's cell quickly. Stopping in the doorway, I watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful. Stepping up to him, I sat on the edge of the bed, lying next to him on the limited space that was given. It took only a moment for him to wake. He simply smiled at me, wrapping his arm around me as he drifted back to sleep quickly. Sighing, I rested my head against his chest, wrapping my arm around him, before running my fingers back and forth across his chest. Closing my eyes, I listened to the sound of his heartbeat, felt the steady rise and fall of his chest. It was comforting.

It was too soon when Naevia came to the cell, calling my name softly. Propping myself up on my elbow, I leaned over Varro, gently kissing him before I slowly stood, hoping that I wouldn't wake him. Staring at him for a moment, I turned and smiled at my sister. She gave me one of her own, putting her arm through mine as we moved to the gate, a guard letting us through.

"Gratitude." She smiled at me as we walked back to our room.

"Think nothing of it." I told her. "Crixus is a lucky man." I stated.

"So is Varro." She replied, leaning against me.

We were silent until we were safe in our room. She sat on her bed as I did the same. Both of us held happy smiles.

"Gratitude for everything you've done for Crixus." She finally told me.

"Enough of that." I told her with a small smile. "I wish only to see you happy."

"You and Varro seem to have become quite close. Despite what others are saying to you." She told me, caution in her voice.

"We've become very close." I nodded at her. "Despite everything."

"And his wife?"

"She's not here." I told her. "His words, not mine."

"I am pleased for you." She smiled.

Nodding, I smiled back at her. Looking at her, the happiness seemed to melt away and she looked at me worriedly. "What is it?"

"There is something I must tell you." She told me.

"What is it?" I asked her again, moving to sit next to her.

She looked at me for a moment before sadness filled her expression. She told me of Barca. Of his involvement with the killing of the Roman family. Of how Dominus had thought he had failed, leaving a boy alive. The message made sense now. Only the boy was dead, the message had been staged. She went on further to inform me that the misinformation had cost his life as punishment. She painted the picture rather vividly, making nausea return to me. It seemed she had seen just as a horrific sight as I had. She told me that Domina was adamant that no one was to know. Anyone asking about Barca would be told that he bought his freedom and left the ludus. No one would believe that. Pietros was everything to Barca. He wouldn't leave without the boy. Things were happening that we had no control over and people were losing their lives. Worry took hold of me again, thinking of Varro. I couldn't let anything happen to him. I wouldn't.


	11. Lifted

_**Chapter Ten: Lifted**_

Nights had come and gone and another day was upon us. I had only glimpsed Varro since I last visited his cell. Domina had kept me constantly moving, feeling I had neglected my duties to the ludus while I was unwell. Not wishing to disappoint, I was eager to bring the ludus back to the state I had left it in days past. With the help of the other house slaves, I was pleased to see the sun shining off the surfaces as I passed them. On top of my other duties, Domina commanded me to see to Crixus every few hours, still eager to see him fully recover. Staying on task, I made sure to keep my mind clear; knowing that if I let it wander Varro would be the only thing that would fill it.

"How are you faring?" I asked of Crixus.

"Better." He told me.

"Is that so?" I smirked with a raised brow, gently pressing against one of his wounds. He groaned in pain, his eyes watering. "That's what I thought." I smiled warmly at him.

"When can I fight again?" He asked.

Taking his hand, I gently put my hand against his hair. "Worry not about when you'll fight again. The only thing you need worry about is healing. It will take time."

"I do not have time to spare." He told me sadly, squeezing my hand.

"You have enough." I told him.

"Where is Naevia?" He asked.

"She is with Domina." I replied as I cleaned and redressed his wounds. "I've been given the task of looking after you. However, I am certain that she will make an appearance before the day is past."

"Gratitude." He told me gently.

"None needed." I smiled at him. "I'd see to you for Naevia's sake alone if I must."

"She's told me of you and how close you are."

"Like sisters. We both were born and raised in this ludus. I don't think there could be a greater bond between us."

He was curious to gain more knowledge of my sister and I was eager to please him. I wished nothing more than for the pair to survive the horrors of this house. There would always be danger in the arena, but if he could overcome this then Capua would have its champion back. The Undefeated Gaul would rise again.

Once Crixus was resting comfortably, I cleaned up after myself before once again making my way back to the villa. Nearly to the gates, I was surprised to see Spartacus approaching. Turning to him, I smiled, bowing my head at the Bringer of Rain.

"How do you fare?" I asked him gently, already knowing the answer as well as the mask he would wear in front of me.

"I am well." He told me with a small smile. "And you?"

"Why do I find it hard to believe you?" I said gently placing my hand on his arm. He nodded but didn't reply. "There are no words to express how sorry I am for Sura. If you are in need of anything, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Gratitude." He told me with a lowered gaze.

"Spartacus…" I said gently taking his head in my hands. "Loosen tongue and tell me what can be done to ease your pain."

He put his hands over mine, looking at me with a pained expression. "There is nothing that can be done." He said with a sad tone.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I placed a kiss against his cheek, sighing as he wrapped his arms around me, gripping me tightly. Running my hand down the back of his head, I gently ran my hand back and forth across his shoulder blades, attempting to comfort him in any way that I could. He shook subtly, telling me that he was releasing pent up emotion, feeling a wet drop fall on my shoulder and roll down my back.

"The Gods are unjust to take something so precious from this world." I told him quietly. "I can only hope that it is due to a future that holds bigger and better things. A calling that is meant for you and you alone." I said a paused. "Just know that no matter what that Gods see fit to put you through, you are not alone. There are those here who care deeply for you and wish to see nothing more than honor befall you."

"Gratitude, Lea." He said as he released me, taking my face in his hands, placing a kiss against my forehead.

"None needed." I smiled at him. "I am simply a friend looking out for another. And I would like to think that Sura would want someone looking out for the love of her life."

"She would not want me to do anything rash." He told me with a small smile.

"She sounds like she was very wise."

"She was." He nodded before wiping the emotion from his face. "How does Crixus fare?"

"He's healing." I nodded at him. "It will take time but I am confident that he will make a full recovery."

"Good." He nodded. "That's good."

"It is good. I only hope the two of you will keep your wits when he returns to the sand. You now hold his position and I have no doubt that he will move to recover it." I told him kindly yet with hidden worry.

"I can handle Crixus." He nodded at me.

"I have no doubt." I smiled, resting my hand against his chest. Taking it back, I averted my eyes before meeting his again. "How does Varro fare?" I asked.

"Very well." He smiled. "His training is coming along nicely. He misses you."

"It's hard to miss someone after only a few days parting." I smiled at him.

"And you're asking of him because you don't?" He smirked at me.

"Fair enough." I blushed. "You are right. He is hard to remove from mind when I hold such fond memories of him."

"He has talked of little else." He replied.

"You speak falsely." I said quickly, not wanting to feel as special as he was making me feel.

"No." He said shaking his head. "The night you spent with him has made him eager with anticipation. He has appreciated your time and your company."

"The same can be said of him." I smiled.

"I'll be sure to pass that along. Perhaps he'll quiet long enough to train."

"I hope he's not becoming unbearable."

"No. He is a welcome distraction."

"That is good to hear." I smiled up at him. Realizing I had lingered too long, I reluctantly put an end to our conversation. "I must return to the villa. Domina will be wondering what's taken me so long."

"And we can't have that."

"Give my regards to Varro." I smiled at him.

"Of course." He said with a subtle bow before he turned and walked away.

Grinning after him, I turned to ask for the gate to be opened when I noticed Pietros standing in the shadows. His head was lowered but there were clear bruises across his face. Wanting to ask him about it, one of the guards opened the gate and ushered me through. Walking to the triclinium I took my place next to Naevia whilst Domina and Ilithyia spoke of trivial things. Thessela keeping her post as diligently as always.

"Lea."

"Domina." I said stepping in front of her.

"More wine."

"Yes, Domina."

Swiftly making my way back down below, I took hold the wine, lingering in hopes of a chance encounter. Met with disappointment, I returned to Domina and made sure that their cups remained full, wishing to be anywhere else, knowing that such thoughts would bring me much suffering.

Come nightfall, I lay on my bed, eager for sleep to take me. It had been a long day with nothing other than ludus duties filling it. I was honored for my station within these walls and knew that I should feel nothing but pride in a home as honorable as this. Despite the secrets that were hidden within it. Knowing that I threatened to move to far past my station and cause myself and those around me harm. The thought plagued my mind, making me once again grasp the thread of duty and vow to forget my personal feelings and to only think of Domina and Dominus and the ludus that I called home.

Attempting to stay true to myself, a new day had begun and I put all my energy into preparing Domina for the day, food and wine, and seeing that the daily cleaning was done. I sought to my duties with tending to Crixus, eager for him to heal so I would have no need to spend so much time below the villa.

"Something is bothering you." Crixus stated as I sought to his wounds.

"Nothing of importance." I smiled at him.

"You're quieter than usual. Has something happened?"

"Naevia is well." I told him.

"That is not what I asked."

"I assumed as to your meaning."

"Then you assume wrong." He stated with a hard tone.

Sighing, I was quiet as I finished rewrapping his wounds, leaning back against a bench as I wiped my hands clean. Crixus watched, waiting for me to speak. "I find myself at war with the thoughts in my head. I want things I cannot have. I yearn for…someone who is already claimed by another. I struggle every day to put all thoughts from my mind and simply serve Domina and Dominus. Yet every day I fail in the attempt. I do not have the strength to turn away from the one thing I've ever wanted in all my years under the roof of this house. It has taken my entire life to get where I am now and with the presence of one man I threaten to throw it all away."

"I understand your thoughts." He told me gently. "Domina owns my body but Naevia owns my heart."

Smiling at him, I knew that he understood what I was feeling. "Gratitude."

"It is I who holds gratitude toward you. You've done much for me and for Naevia."

"You own her heart. That makes you as much a brother to me as any could." I smiled at him. "I must go. I've lingered too long."

"I've enjoyed your company."

"Rest." I told him. "Heal."

"As you command." He smiled at me.

Laughing lightly, I put my hand on his shoulder, smiling down at him before moving from the room. Passing Pietros, I once again beheld the marks against his skin. Without hesitating, I gripped his arm and took him in.

"Who did this to you?" I asked him.

"It's nothing." He replied lowering his gaze.

"Pietros." I said with a hard tone. "I demand that you tell me who has harmed you."

"Leave him be." A harsh voice said from behind us.

"Gnaeus." I said as a flutter of fear moved through me. Moving Pietros behind me protectively, I stepped away from the large gladiator in front of me. "My question is answered."

"He's none of your concern." Gnaeus grinned as he stepped toward us.

"Stay back or I will scream for Doctore." I told him with as much conviction as I could muster.

"Yes, scream. I like screaming." He grinned and lashed out, gripping my arm as quickly as a snake strikes a mouse.

There was no time to scream as he pulled me to him, gripping my throat in a tight grasp. Pietros yelled out and attempted to push him away from me, only fueling the fire. Thrashing against him, I clawed at his face, attempting to thrust my thumb into his eye socket. Releasing me with a hard toss, I hit the bars of a cell, feeling the welts they left against my skin as I slid down them. Pietros lunged at the gladiator but he was brushed aside as he once again grabbed me, backhanding me, feeling my lip split and my cheekbone start to spill blood. Attempting to crawl away from him, I was met with several blows to my abdomen, crawling as fast as I could when they finally ceased. Only my calf was grabbed and I was being pulled backward. Digging my nails into the ground, I attempted to keep the ground I had gained. In the next second there was commotion and I found myself cowering with my arms around my head, too afraid to see what was happening.

Then a voice was near my ear. "Come with me."

A different sort of fear entered me as I looked up into Ashur's face. Pulling me to my feet, he swiftly ushered me to his cell, gently sitting me down on his bed. Kneeling in front of me, he looked me over.

"Are you badly hurt?" He asked.

"I'm not sure." I replied with an uneasy tone, my arm wrapped around my middle.

Sitting next to me, he trailed his fingers across my shoulder and down my back. I could feel his breath against my skin, making me shudder. My fear intensified as he pressed his lips against my neck, his beard scratching against my skin.

"I should return to the villa." I told him. Being kind for he had just saved me from Gnaeus.

"It's an odd predicament we find ourselves in." He stated.

"In what way?" I asked as my stomach dropped.

"You're all alone with no one watching over you."

"I must go." I stated and moved to stand only to have him force me back down. "Stop." I said trying to stand again. This time he took my waist, pain searing, and forced me down onto his bed. "No, Ashur, stop it." I said struggling against him.

"Just once I want to feel my cock inside your cunt." He told me as he forced himself on top of me. "Just once I will have something that I want."

"No. Stop." I said continuing to struggle. "Stop it!" Struggling unrelenting, he pulled up my dress, starting to pull down his pants. Shoving hard against him, I managed to squirm out from underneath him, falling to the floor, a yell escaping my lips. He quickly followed, forcing me onto my back. "Please! Don't do this!" I yelled as I attacked his face with my nails, thrashing my legs. "Stop it! Just stop!"

Gripping my wrists painfully, he forced them against the ground. I could feel his cock brushing against my inner thigh, his weight immobilizing me, making my heart race as I continued to attempt to struggle away from him. With one final burst of energy, I managed to twist my waist, closing my thighs to him. Reaching down he attempted to pry them apart but to no avail. In the next moment I was struck hard across my cheekbone, dazing me.

"Open up for me you cunt!" Ashur exclaimed.

In the next moment there was the sound of a fist hitting flesh and Ashur fell away from me, hearing a gentle voice before hands were upon me. "Lea."

Recognizing the voice, I looked up to see a mesmerizing blue. Tears sprung to my eyes as joy and relief filled me. "Varro." I cried and was swiftly swept up into his arms.

"I've got you." He told me.

Crying into his neck, shaking, he carried me to the Medicus, calling for him when we entered the room. Varro still held me tightly in his arms. It took Spartacus to convince him before he finally laid me on one of the benches. Keeping my hand, the other running across my hair, Spartacus was explaining to the Medicus what had happened. Meeting Varro's eyes, he stared into mine, a small smirk on his face that made a wave of calmness move through me. Squeezing his hand, I put my other on his face, pulling it closer to mine, our foreheads touching.

"It's okay." He whispered to me.

"Is she badly wounded?" Crixus's voice reached me.

"No." I told him, turning my head to look at him. "I will be fine. I'm simply shaken."

Then a small yell escaped my lips as the Medicus put pressure against my stomach. "There may be internal bleeding." He told me. Tears ran from the corners of my eyes. Varro swiftly wiped them away, smiling at me. "I'm afraid Domina will have to be informed of this. She will need to stay here for observation."

"No." I told him frantically. "I've been in enough trouble. Any more may prove fatal to my standing."

"This wasn't your fault, girl." Medicus told me. "Domina favors you. She will understand what has transpired here."

Looking to Varro, he smiled and nodded at me. "You are not at fault."

"Varro." I told him with worried brow.

"It will be fine." He said kissing my forehead.

"You should go." Medicus told him. "If she catches you hovering over one of her body slaves it will be your neck."

"She needs to be protected." Varro frowned at him.

"No one will come for her here." He stated.

"He's right. She needs to be protected." Spartacus told him harshly.

Moving to see him, my stomach surged with pain, making me tense before slowly relaxing as more tears fell. Varro quickly wiped them away again, another kiss being placed against my forehead.

"You must leave. Now." Medicus told him. "You do not want to be here when Domina arrives."

Varro looked at me sadly. "Go." I smiled at him. "I will be all right." He looked unconvinced. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I will return." He smiled before stood and quickly left the room.

"He will pay for this. They both will." Spartacus told me before following his friend.

As soon as they were gone, I felt a sense of panic start to set in. Varro and Spartacus gave me much peace and a protectiveness that I craved in this moment. Staying as still as possible, the Medicus cleaned my cheek and lip before moving to my stomach. Looking down, there was already bruising appearing underneath my skin.

"Lea." Crixus said softly.

"I am all right." I told him.

"Who did this to you?"

"Gnaeus did most of it. He was after something I was willing to protect." I stated, turning my head to meet his eyes. "Then Ashur attempted to force himself on me."

"He what?" He frowned, attempted to lean up.

"Don't." I told him. "I am all right."

"I will kill him." He stated angrily.

"Varro and Spartacus will get to him before you." I smiled.

"What were you protecting?" He asked.

"Pietros."

"Barca should have never left him behind." The Gaul stated coldly.

I knew the truth of what happened to Barca. It was something that Crixus need not know just yet. "No. He shouldn't have."

Not having to wait long, Domina's angry voice filled the hall before she appeared in the room. "Domina." I said as her eyes fell upon me. "Apologies, Domina."

"What happened?" She demanded of Medicus as she bent down, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"She was protecting a young boy from the clutches of a cock driven gladiator." He told her.

"Lea." She frowned down at me.

"The boy was being abused. I only wished to help him and see that no harm is done amongst brothers of the ludus. I did not foresee such an event transpiring." I told her.

"There is damage to her abdomen." Medicus told her. "I will keep her until tomorrow to observe her."

"Is that necessary?" Domina frowned at him.

"If there is worse damage then she's letting on you may have one less body slave come morning." He told her matter-of-factly.

"Is she that wounded?" Domina asked with concern in her voice.

"No." I smiled at her. "I will be fine come day break tomorrow and ready for my daily duties."

"Rest, Lea." She smiled at me. "And think on how not to get into so much trouble."

"Every day, Domina. Gratitude." I told her.

"Naevia, make sure she's comfortable and then come join me." She said, patting my arm before leaving the room.

"Lea." Naevia said rushing to my side as soon as Domina was from sight.

"I'm all right. It's not that bad. No need for such concern." I told her, gripping her hand as she offered it to me.

"Medicus appears to think otherwise." She frowned at me.

"She'll be fine." Medicus told her, making both of us look at him. "She'll be sore as fuck but come morning most of the pain will have subsided. Do not exert yourself and you'll recover quickly."

"See?" I smiled at my sister.

"I'll fetch you some comforts from our room." Naevia told me before rushing off.

"She didn't even look at me." Crixus commented.

"Believe it or not, I hold as much of her heart as you do." I smiled at him. "She will be back to herself by the time she returns."

True to my word, when Naevia returned she held my pillow two blankets, one that was placed under me and another atop me. As soon as it was done she sat next to Crixus, taking his hand in hers, rubbing it gently as we spoke of what happened and of how I needed to learn restraint and distance in the future. She made comment that I drew trouble to myself like flies to a kill. Unwilling to admit it, I argued that I was simply too kind and trusting for my own good. Partially true, however I found myself becoming less trusting with each passing day.

Soon conversation moved from me and Naevia was consumed with Crixus. Sharing words that they were rarely given the chance to do, I shut my eyes, letting their voices lull me to sleep, wanting nothing more than to feel peace from day's events.

Waking, I was pleasantly surprised to see Varro kneeling next to me, my hand in his. Smiling, I opened my mouth to speak to him, stopping when I took in the seriousness of his expression. He looked as if he was fighting a great battle, only this one was in his mind. A frown crept across my face as he rung my hand almost painfully. Unsure if I should yet alert him to my wakefulness, I simply stared at him, thinking of a way to comfort him before I even knew the cause. When I could not endure his expression any longer, I gripped his hand, making his head jerk up. His expression quickly changed, a smile moving across his face as his eyes met mine.

"What is wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing of import." He replied.

"I do not believe you." I frowned at him.

"Please, do not worry." He smiled, placing a kiss against my hand. "How do you fare?"

"I will be fine. Better already." I told him, now offering a small smile.

"Good." He said standing, leaning over me, placing a long gentle kiss against my lips.

Running my hand down his chest, I smiled up at him. "Now I am even better." A look crossed his face that worried me. "Varro, what is it?"

He looked at the resting Crixus before he settled on his knees once again next to me. "For a moment pretend that you and I are wed and you lived free outside of the ludus while I remained here…" He said and paused.

"Varro?" I said gently.

"If a family friend tried to force themselves on you, what would you do?" He finished.

Frowning, I answered swiftly, "I would rather die than betray the trust of my husband. Or kill the friend in the process for overstepping boundaries. Every woman should be able to defend herself against such things."

"So you believe that such an accusation has a lie beneath it?" He asked.

"What thoughts bring you to ask such things?" I countered.

"Please answer." He asked with a sad expression.

"I know not the circumstances. How am I to give answer?"

"Please."

"I think that it may not be a lie but a decision." I told him. "If the woman is intact without evidence of fighting back there are questions that can be asked. Even if rape is called I think there is a decision at some point to let it happen or to fight against it. Making the decision to let it happen is the same as if you meant for the betrayal to occur."

"Gratitude." He told me sadly.

"Are you going to tell me what thoughts brought this on?" I frowned at him.

"My wife came to see me today." He replied.

"Varro…" I said propping myself up on my elbow to better face him, ignoring the pulse of pain that now erupted across my abdomen.

"She is with child." He continued. "With the seed of a friend."

"Did she have Janus with her?" I asked.

"She did."

"And she told you this in front of your son? She had to know that you what your reaction would be."

"I reacted poorly." He told me. "She says he forced himself upon her but…"

"You don't believe her?" I frowned. "Is she injured? Did she fight against him?"

He shrugged and shook his head, "She is as well as I remember her being. She's simply added a child to her belly."

"Varro." I said running my fingers through his hair. "I may have answered differently to your questions if I knew where they were spanning from."

"That's why I did not tell you. I wanted your answers to be pure and without sway." He replied.

"What thoughts fill your mind?" I asked him, gently running my fingers down his face.

He looked at me before swiftly pressing his lips against mine in a passionate kiss. Returning his affections, I took his head in my hands, deepening the kiss till there was no space between us. Lifting me into his arms, he carried me from the room, going to his cell and lying me down upon his bed. Moving atop me, the heat between us began to rise, our breath starting to become heavy as our hearts raced. In a moment of clarity, I pushed against his chest, stopping him from going any further.

"What is it?" He asked.

"As happy as I am for what's happening, I cannot help but think that this has more to do with your wife than me." I told him with furrowed brow.

For a moment he simply looked at me, then lowered his head and kissed me sweetly. "In this moment, she is the furthest thing from my mind. She no longer holds the same worth to me as she once did."

"And I am simply her replacement?" I asked with a hint of anger, moving from underneath him.

"Lea." He said looking hurt at my words.

"What am I supposed to think?" I frowned at him. "You and I share affections and words that mean more to me than anything. Now you come to me and tell me that your wife has been unfaithful and you immediately wish to lay with me? How am I not to think your intentions are not as pure as you'd like me to believe?"

He frowned and stood, stepping toward me. "Do you think so little of me?"

"I think of you above all others." I replied quickly. "I think of you at all hours of the day and dream of you at night. You are inside of me and I want nothing more than to be one with you. Yet I fear the timing of your affections. It's hard to see past recent events."

"I understand your hesitation but remove thoughts from fucking mind." He told me on the verge of anger, closing the distance between us quickly.

"Do not take such tone with me for I am not yours to command." I shot at him, bringing my face closer to his.

The anger melted away from his face and he stepped back, taking a seat on his bed. "Apologies. I wasn't thinking."

"That is my point. You are not thinking." I told him. "With one action you will throw away everything you and your wife held dear?"

"She slept with another man!" He yelled at me. "She betrayed me and the life we built together. An action that cannot be forgiven."

"Again, I ask if I am simply a replacement." I said harshly.

"No!" He yelled. "I would never treat you that way."

Sighing, I knelt in front of him, taking his hands in mine, kissing them. "I do not wish to quarrel with you. I only wish to know that what you feel is genuine. I do not wish to be a woman who loves a man in hopes that someday he will feel the same. I will not be an instrument used only to fill the whole your wife has left."

"Lea." He said shaking his head.

"You know not what you feel." I told him with a sad smile. "I will not lay with you until you do. I think more of myself than that."

"Lea." He repeated.

Taking his head in my hands, I kissed him deeply, my tongue parting his lips, taking in his taste, wanting it to last as long as possible. Leaning away from him, I placed a kiss against his forehead. "Think upon my words. If you wish nothing further between us I will not think worse of you." I told him before I turned and swiftly left, returning to the Medicus's quarters, lying back down with a heavy sigh.

My abdomen pulsed with a slight pain but the Medicus had spoken truth when he told me it wouldn't last. The thoughts swimming in my head did well to distract me. Varro had offered me the one thing I had been praying most for and I had turned him away. Unable to give myself due to the knowledge of his wife. Despite her betrayal, I did not want to be the woman he turned to out of spite and anger toward the woman he wed of his own choosing. I felt for him in his time of need. I felt need to comfort him but I couldn't demean myself in such a way. I wouldn't.

"How do you fare?" Crixus asked me, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"My thoughts are heavy." I told him softly, my voice full of emotion.

"Varro's pride has been wounded."

"You were listening?"

"I was."

"It was a private conversation." I told him coldly.

"Then you should have spoken where there isn't a man lying just feet away." He replied. Sighing, I frowned at him. "You feel much for him."

"I do." I replied with my tone soft again.

"Is it love?" He asked.

"Is it love you feel for Naevia?" I countered.

"Yes." He told me.

Smiling, I held his eyes a moment. "It's the same for me."

"You should rest." He told me.

"So should you." I told him.

He smiled and shut his eyes. Doing the same, I listened to the breathing of the man next to me, drowning out the thoughts in my mind. Sleep had nearly taken me when I heard footfalls outside of the room. Looking at Crixus, he seemed to be resting peacefully. The room had grown dark with the setting sun, the sounds of the gladiators coming from the dining area, though the sound was distant. Staring at the doorway, Varro once again appeared. Sighing, I met his eyes; he held a sweet smile on his lips. Sitting up, I put my legs over the edge, gripping it with my hands, averting my eyes from his.

"You took little time to think." I commented.

"It took only minutes to decide how I feel." He replied.

"And how do you feel?" I asked, now meeting his eyes.

"Will you come with me?" He asked holding out his hand.

Taking a moment to simply look at him, I stood and walked to him, taking his hand. He led me back to his cell, sitting me down on his bed. Remaining silent, it was quieter than I would have liked. We were the only ones in the cells, the others all feasting and entertaining each other in the dining area.

"Please say something." I told him.

"I think I've felt for you longer than I've realized. I loved my wife with all of me but to have her betray me is one of the greatest wounds I've ever felt." He said and looked at me. "Yet, there is still love in my heart."

"I understand."

"No." He said shaking his hand. "You do not."

"Then please explain your words."

"It's not love of my wife that still fills my heart." He said slowly meeting my eyes.

"Do not play games with me." I told him as my stomach fluttered.

"I play no games." He said putting his hand against my face, turning it so I met his eyes. "I have fallen in love with you. Can you say you don't feel the same?"

"I cannot." I told him as tears of happiness welled in my eyes.

"Say it." He whispered.

"I am in love with you." I told him taking his head in my hands.

In the next moment his lips were against mine. His hands quickly pulled my dress free from around my neck, his hand cupping my breast as he laid me down, my hands unwrapping his subligaria, feeling his cock fall against my thigh. I couldn't help but smile as I breathed hard, opening my mouth against his, already feeling wet with anticipation. His fingers moved inside of me, further moistening me before he positioned himself at my opening, kissing me deeply before thrusting himself inside of me. Stifling a small yell with his lips, it was several thrusts later when I first began to feel the pleasure of his cock inside of me. All the while his lips found mine, trailing down my neck and between my breasts as he continued to rock against me, one hand keeping himself steady at the other moved to touch every inch of my flesh. Bending my knees at his sides my hands moved to his hips, running them across his ass, gripping it as I arched against him, leaning my head back as my breathing and heart raced with growing pleasure. My mind growing foggier with each passing moment, a grin crossing my face as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders before taking his mouth in mine yet again. Laying my head back, I let out a pleased moan as the climax came; making me feel wonderful in the arms of the man I loved. Lying atop me, Varro rested his head against my chest, his arms wrapped around me. Trailing my fingers through his hair, I ran my other up and down his smooth skin; touching every inch of it I could reach. Burying my face in his hair, I took a deep breath of him, pressing my lips to his forehead, letting them linger.

"Promise me that this is real." I whispered to him. "That your love for me is real."

Lifting his head, he kissed me deeply. "Lea, I promise you, with all my heart that the love I feel for you is real. Can you promise me the same?"

Beaming at him, I kissed him passionately. "You are everything to me. I promise you my heart and the endless love that it holds for you."

Smiling, he started to kiss me again, fucking me again as the other gladiators roared in the dining area. The second time was harder and filled with even more passion. The third even more so as the other gladiators were offered whores or coin, the sounds of it filling the spaces around us. The fourth grew gentle. The fifth and final time of the night soft and quiet as we kissed while the other gladiators started to quiet from the nights events.

Now lying atop Varro, I ran my fingers back and forth across his chest as his hands moved up and down my back before wrapping firmly around my waist and back, placing a kiss against my hair. Making a soft contented sound, I lifted my head to meet his eyes, running my fingers through his hair as I placed a gentle kiss against his lips.

"The night grows quiet. I should return to my makeshift bed." I told him, a small smile gracing my lips.

"You'd be more comfortable here." He said gently brushing a strand of hair from my face.

"Yes." I smiled and kissed him. "But what if Domina comes looking for me and finds me absent?"

"Training will commence at first light and then you can take your leave. I wish to spend as much time as I can with you this night." He smiled and kissed me again.

"Then let it be done." I smiled and started to kiss him continuously.

Never imagining this moment would ever come, I relished every moment of it. Lying against his side, pressed against his chest, I used his bicep as a pillow, my hands against his chest as I stared into his eyes. He smiled, keeping my eyes as he kissed me sweetly.

"Sleep." He whispered.

"I have not finished staring at you." I smirked at him.

He laughed, kissing me passionately. "You are unlike any woman I've ever met."

"In what way?" I asked.

"You're kind and gentle yet strong and resourceful. You feel more than one should and with such conviction no one can question it. You are passionate and when set will stop at no end for the results you seek. You are unique in every way."

"I could say the same about you. You aren't a hardened animal like many of the other gladiators. You too are kind and gentle. Protective and capable of bringing fear to those who threaten. You care about what others have forgotten and have not forgotten that you are a man first. You are everything. I am honored to have gained your affections."

He ran his hand down my face, "You have not just gained my affections. You have earned my love."

"And you have earned mine."

"Something I hold as dear to me as my own life."

"I as well." I said and kissed him deeply.

Fighting sleep, we stayed awake as long as we could, finding myself the first to cave to the weight of it. The last thing I felt were his gentle fingers trailing down my face. I could die tomorrow with the knowledge that I had earned the love of the man who held my heart. Wanting nothing more from this world than the man that lay with me. Of everything that I had seen and experienced in my lifetime, this was by far the greatest feeling I have ever known. A feeling I wanted to hold onto for the remainder of my life.


	12. Stolen Moments

**Disclaimer: Nothing from the STARZ show belongs to me.**

**A/N: Just a reminder that Chapter two/three - The Arrival - was the missing chapter. But now it's all good. It's whole once more. Now on to the next chapter! It's a long one so I hope you enjoy it!**

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_**Chapter Eleven: Stolen Moments**_

The pleasures of my night with Varro were a constant in my mind and a comfort as sad tidings were brought with the death of Pietros. His life had been turned upside down with one fatal blow, taking his own life. The birds that Barca had held so dear still lingering absent their caretakers. Gnaeus had finally pushed the boy too far and now he was gone from this world. I was pleased to hear Spartacus sought to Pietros's vengeance, fighting Gnaeus, sending him over the edge of the cliff to his death. Batiatus was infuriated but was calmed as Spartacus started to win more and more in the arena. Bringing honor to the House of Batiatus. Varro and the others had come far as well, bringing no small coin to the ludus and to their own pockets.

The only exception was Crixus. He was well enough to return to his cell but he was far from fully recovered. There were still weeks of healing that needed to be done before he would once again feel the sand beneath his feet in the arena. A fact that he fought endlessly with, unable to partake in coin, having to watch all the other gladiators take part in luxuries that were now removed from him. As soon as he was back on his feet, the ludus fell into its old rhythm, Domina summoning him to please her whilst Naevia struggled with her feelings of jealousy.

Having yet been near Varro since our night together, I had succumb to the daily ritual that I had kept for the entirety of my life. The cleaning had commenced and I was once again a servant to the tasks that lay before me. Domina seemed eager to keep me busy with household tasks to keep me from the trouble I brought down upon myself too frequently. I remembered a time when nothing of interest happened in this house. The days when Titus Batiatus was the Dominus of the house, then Quintus took it over and now there were constant secrets being birthed at every turn.

In the upper areas of the villa, I found solace on the frame of a window. Looking out over the ludus, I listened to the sounds of everyone at work, in need of a moment to gather my thoughts and unable to pretend that everything was as it used to be. Varro was a constant on my mind, craving his affections with no opportunity providing itself to give me reason to seek him out. The thought brought much longing and with it came bitterness that threatened to come out at every turn.

"Lea." Mira's voice said softly from behind me.

"What is it?" I shot at her harshly.

"Naevia sent me to get you. Domina is requesting your presence." She told me.

"I will join them presently." I told her. She remained at my side. "Is there more?" I asked, glaring at her as I finally met her eyes.

"I would break words with you if you are of mind." She replied gently.

"I am not." I replied looking back out over the ludus.

"Can I speak freely?" She asked.

"Mira, do not patronize me." I frowned at her. "I am no master."

"I ask out of respect." She told me with a bowed head.

Sighing, I draped my legs over the edge so I could face her. "Gratitude."

"You seem sad of late." She commented.

"I want something that is out of reach. Perhaps I reach too far but matters of the heart have a mind of their own." I told her, averting my eyes from hers.

"Is he so special?" She asked. "This Varro of yours."

Her tone was anything but demeaning but my head shot up at her words, the audacity of them stinging. "Of course." I frowned at her. "I may be inexperienced with desires of the heart but I am certain that what I feel is real. My heart is no longer my own. I have laid it in the hands of a man like no other. He is a vision of Jupiter himself and holds such standing in my eyes. He is worth everything and means everything to me." I had not meant to say so much and yet found the words spilling from my mouth as water does from cupped hands.

"Apologies." Mira told me. "I did not realize."

"And that's the way I wish to keep it." I stated as I dropped from the ledge. "Speak of this to no one or find your position here lowered and my wrath upon you."

"Understood." She said quickly.

Sighing, I put my hand on her shoulder, lowering my head to meet her eyes. "I consider you friend and hope to never think otherwise. I trust you, Mira, and gratitude for all you have done."

Smiling, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as hers moved around my waist, returning to the lower levels and to our Domina. Finding both her and Ilithyia in the triclinium.

"There you are." Domina told me with a raised brow.

"Apologies." I told her with bowed head. "I was in need of a moment alone."

"For what purpose?" She asked.

"My mind is heavy with thoughts. I simply sought to clear them before continuing the day's tasks." I replied.

"What thoughts?" She asked.

My stomach started to knot with her questions, my mind moving to find a way to deflect them. "None of import."

She eyed me but didn't ask more. My eyes moved to Ilithyia who was sipping wine, looking as if she could see through my vague answers, as if my deeper meaning hung out for all to see. Keeping a blank expression, I stood and waited for my Domina to command something of me.

"More wine, Lea." She smiled at me, seeing Ilithyia's expression.

"Domina." I bowed my head and quickly moved from sight.

Moving with leisure, I took my time down below, listening to the gladiators as they took break for afternoon meal. Daring to hope, I turned and stared at the gates. Just when I was about to turn away, my heart was lifted as Varro stepped into view. A smile moved across my face and I swiftly moved to the bars. His boyish half smile made my heart soar as he put his hand against my face. Leaning up, I put my face to the bars, smiling as his lips met mine. Kissing him deeply, I gripped his shoulders to bring myself as close to him as I could. With my head in his hands he continued to kiss me with ever growing passion.

"I wish these bars were not between us." He told me softly, brushing my face with his fingers.

Moving my hand to his face, I gently ran my thumb across his lips. "I as well. I have longed to be near you. To just lay eyes upon you and yet it seems that they are intentionally keeping us apart as if they already know what we've done."

"No, it is simply poor luck." He smiled and kissed me sweetly.

"Then pray that the Gods look on us with favor and see our luck changed." I told him.

"I will pray hard." He grinned and kissed me deeply.

My smile fell and I gently ran my fingers through his hair, "I don't want to leave you."

"And I would never see you from my sight or the warmth of my arms." He said with a sweet smile on his face, the back of his fingers brushing across my cheek.

"Nor I." I smiled at him. "It pleases me to hear you say that."

"Know that it is what I feel." He said kissing my forehead.

"Know that I feel the same. No matter what happens, my mind is made. I am yours." I told him, leaning up so I could reach his lips, pressing mine against his.

"And I am yours." He said and kissed me deeply, his tongue entering my mouth making my thighs moisten with my need for him.

"I want you inside of me." I whispered to him, my lips still against his.

"I wish that as well." He whispered back.

Feeling his hand move past the thin layer of fabric that covered me, his fingers trailed up the inside of my thigh before he pushed them up inside of me. Moaning with pleasure, I pressed against the bars, gripping his shoulder to keep steady, I covered his hand with mine, pushing it farther inside of me as my mind filled with the pleasure I so craved. His free hand ran down the length of my neck before my chest, rubbing between them before leaving it there as I arched my torso with pleasure. Reaching through the bars I gripped the top of his subligaria, attempting to remove it. Gripping my hair, he pulled my face to his kissing me deeply as he brought me to my climax, cupping my face as he slowly pulled his hand free of me.

"Gratitude." I smirked at him with flushed cheeks. "Next we meet I shall return the favor."

He laughed and kissed me sweetly. "I don't think I'd be able to refuse you."

"I wouldn't let you." I grinned and kissed him again before my smile faltered. "I must return to Domina."

"Know that you will not be far from thought." He smiled.

"Take care of yourself." I told him with raised brow.

"I will be entertained with the new recruits."

"Ah, yes. Dominus is to town to inquire about some."

"I hope he returns with fresh meat." He smiled.

Smiling, I shook my head. "Have your fun but remember how you were treated when you arrived."

"I will take that into advisement." He smirked. "Go." He said kissing me.

Stepping away from the bars, I righted myself before smiling at him, keeping his eyes as I went up the stairs. Rushing back to the triclinium, I quickly refilled Domina and Ilithyia's glasses before taking my place at Naevia's side. She looked at me with suspicion in her eyes. Attempting to hide a smile, I repeated Varro's and my encounter in my mind, feeling happiness radiate through me.

"Lucretia, your slave looks as if she's been up to something." Ilithyia grinned as she looked at me.

Domina's eyes moved to me, her brow rising as she took me in. "Did something happen?" She asked.

"I slipped on the stairs and was seen by two guards. My clumsiness embarrassed me." I told her.

She smiled at me and sat across from Ilithyia. "She does have her moments." She smiled at her friend. "However she is one of my most trusted. She keeps this house in order."

"So far she appears to be doing well of it." Ilithyia replied.

Taking a deep calming breath, I stood and continued to repeat the moment over and over in my mind. Enjoying it just as much every time I thought about him. Soon Dominus returned and with him a string of new gladiators for the ludus, marching them through the gates, lining them up as I had seen so many others do before. Thinking of Varro again, I smiled, following Domina and Ilithyia out onto the balcony.

"Words must be broken immediately." Naevia told me harshly while we were still out of earshot. Shushing her, I frowned and moved to Domina's shoulder. "May Lea and I take leave for a moment?" Naevia asked Domina.

"Fine." Domina said with a wave of her hand. "Return presently."

"Of course, Domina." She bowed and moved back inside.

"I want to see the new recruits." I frowned at her as she gripped my arm painfully. "Ow."

"What have you done?" She asked me.

"Naevia." I frowned at her.

"I know something has happened and you need to tell me now. The look Domina has given you. Not only her but Ilithyia. You attract too much attention."

"Varro's wife is pregnant with another man's child. He was betrayed and we shared a bed together. He has admitted his love for me and I have admitted mine for him. I've seen him once since we laid together and that was just moments ago." I explained quickly. Sighing, Naevia looked like I had betrayed her. "Speak your mind, Naevia."

"I am worried about you." She replied.

"And I you." I retorted. "You are no better than I. You love Crixus as I love Varro. We are no different."

"Only I am far stealthier than you." She shot at me.

"Only because I redirect her thoughts every time it comes up." I retorted with the same harshness she was using on me. "We are the same, sister. I suggest you stop looking so hard at me when you should be looking at yourself. Need I remind you that despite how stealthy you are the man you seek is also the man that Domina loves and is fiercely possessive of?"

"I need no reminding." She told me as her cheeks flushed.

"I thought we were past arguing about these men." I frowned at her.

"As did I." She replied with a small voice.

"Then let our tongues fall silent and do what we must."

Walking away from her I returned to our Domina, moving behind her shoulder so I could see over the railing, taking in the newcomers. Moving my eyes back and forth across the line of them there were several that I was surprised Dominus had purchased. They looked of little worth and much less than what were usually purchased. There were three that looked promising; the others looked to be destined for the mines. There was one on the end, a Gaul, with long dreads and a heavy muscular build who looked intimidating. Then there were German brothers, standing next to each other, both well built, one looking more intimidating than the other. The one that appeared to be younger and less intimidating was the fool to respond to Doctore that what they stood on was simply sand. Even I knew the answer to that, mouthing it as Spartacus replied with the proper words. "Sacred ground, Doctore. Watered with the tears of blood." Just as Crixus did the day Varro and he entered the training grounds. Dominus repeating the same words he had that same day. I'd heard it many times and yet the words seemed to mean more to me now than they ever had before.

The Gaul was known as Segovax. The taller, short light brown haired, blue-eyed German was known as Agron. His brother was Duro, a dark haired, dreadlocked, brown-eyed, slightly less toned than his impressive older brother. My eyes lingered on the blue-eyed German. There was something rough about him and yet gentle at the same time. I thought the same of Varro but he was more boyish than the German that stood before us. The German seemed manlier to me, making a small smile creep across my face.

The new recruits were put through the beginning of their training. There was no time to get settled in. Once you were on the sand you were committed to it, making it your life. Part of me yearned to join them on the sands, to learn to fight and defend those that I loved. Something that was always at the forefront of my mind.

Stepping back as my masters and Ilithyia spoke, I stepped next to Naevia in hopes that the day would pass quickly, waiting for an opportunity to slip away. I was eager to see Varro and curious about the newcomers.

"Apologies about before." Naevia whispered so only I could hear. We were surrounded by Ilithyia's slaves as we stood and watched our masters receive lavish massages, planning a time for Ilithyia's friends to come meet the gladiator she had just purchased from our masters. She had chosen the Gaul, wanting to flaunt him in front of their faces. Remaining silent, I didn't feel the need to break words with her. "I can understand why you wouldn't want to speak but know that everything I do is to protect you."

Looking at her, I kept a blank expression. "Gratitude." Was all I had to say.

When Ilithyia took her leave, I was allowed to continue my daily tasks away from Domina's side. Naevia was the constant, I was the one who handled all the affairs that didn't require Domina's personal attention. Putting the house slaves to work, I took the dying flowers from their vases, throwing them over the side of the balcony, watching them fall in the open air of the cliff. Seeing to the washing and the polishing and the cooking, I made sure the house was in order before I simply moved through the villa, allowing a moment to simply be with myself. Though my moment was disrupted when commotion was heard from the training yard. Swiftly moving to the balcony I took in the expression of my masters and my sister before looking down below. Crixus was fighting against Spartacus, being thwarted and beaten at every turn. The former Champion of Capua had yet to regain his skill. Crixus attempted again and again to best Spartacus but there was no winning. He just wasn't ready. It ended with Crixus on his back, Spartacus reopening the wrapped wound on his abdomen.

"Lea." Domina said without looking at me.

"Domina." I said and made my way down to the training grounds.

I was let through as two gladiators carried Crixus away. Swiftly falling in step behind them, I met Spartacus's eyes, frowning at him. Then my eyes fell on Varro's, giving him a small smile before I was out of sight.

"Careful." I told the gladiators as they moved to sit him on a bench, gripping his sides as he was lowered. "Gratitude, now leave." I told the gladiators. Stepping in front of him, I sighed and looked at him disappointedly. "Crixus."

"Do not look at me like that." He frowned at me.

"Then tell me what thoughts filled your mind to make you try such a thing." I frowned back.

"It's nothing." He told me, both of us looking as Spartacus entered the room.

Straightening, I gave a small glare to the Bringer of Rain, "Was that really necessary?"

He ignored my question, speaking to Crixus. "You overreach. And here is the result."

"Do not address me as you would a recruit." Crixus shot at him.

"Then do not act like one." Spartacus countered.

"Enough." I told Spartacus who looked at me with an uncaring look.

"Words of import from the mighty Spartacus, Bringer of Rain, slayer of Theokoles." Crixus said with disdain. "As if you stood against him on your own. Without my aide you would have nothing, not even your miserable life."

"True. But here I stand. And there you sit." Spartacus answered.

"You know shit about being a champion, of being a true brother. You are only playing at your own part. And one day the game will end."

"Death comes to us all. Press me again, and you shall find yours."

"Enough." I said with more force, putting my hand on Crixus's shoulder. "Both of you. This isn't helping him and badgering him does nothing for you." I told Spartacus.

"Protecting the Gaul now?" Spartacus frowned.

"For reasons that aren't my own." I retorted. He just eyed me before leaving the room. "You two need to stop this bantering. Both of you are honorable men. You have more in common than you think."

"Why protect me?" Crixus asked.

"Because I protect my sister." I told him as I cleaned his wounds.

"So you care not about me but only for Naevia?" He frowned up at me.

Smiling, I took his head in my hands. "I care for you Crixus. Like a brother." He gave me a small smile as his hand gently gripped my wrist. "Which is why I do not fear telling you that you need to let go of your hatred toward Spartacus, you have other problems that need more attending to. You also have Naevia. Spartacus has nothing but this house and his title as Champion. You no longer need it."

"What do you know of it?" He told me now frowning.

"I know enough." I replied. "You are a great gladiator. Capua will see that again. But you need to worry about healing and pleasing your woman. She grows ever anxious and wishes no harm come to you."

"I will not fall."

"You're doing a poor job of it." I told him. "Going after Spartacus was reckless of you."

"I did it for reasons that are my own." He stated.

Sighing, I knelt to better tend the wound on his abdomen, looking up to meet his eyes. "And I'm not asking you to reveal them. I'm simply stating that you would do well to forget your antagonism and move on to better things."

"I am Champion of Capua." He told me.

Sighing again, I put my hand on his cheek, smiling at him warmly. "And so you are." Finishing with his wounds, I left him, returning to the villa while he once again joined his brothers, watching from the sidelines.

That night, I sat on my bed, biding time as I waited for the house to quiet and everyone to fall to bed. I knew there would be a handful of guards but I could move past them with ease. Even if I was stopped I was certain that I could lie my way out of suspicion. Before I could take my leave again, Naevia came in with a sad look, ringing her hands anxiously.

"What is it?" I asked her, knowing that something was wrong.

"Dominus is thinking of selling Crixus to Vibius in Damascus." She told me with a small voice.

"Naevia…" I said standing and quickly moving to her. Embracing her, I opened my mouth to reassure her but I found that no words came to mind. "Oh, Naevia."

"He can't be sold." She told me with a quivering voice.

"Dominus will not sell him. Domina won't allow it. She cares too much for him to allow him to be sold." I told her.

"She fights for him." She told me, releasing me and looking at me with wet eyes.

"Then he will remain and you will yet have him in your arms." I smiled at her, taking her head in my hands.

"What if he is sold?"

Looking at her, trying to think of soft words, I gently played with her hair. "If he is sold then…perhaps it's for the best. Without him to distract you than life will go on as it has for as long as we can remember."

"I don't want it to go back to the way things were." She frowned at me. "I love him and will not give him up."

"I know." I nodded at her. "I say it not to cause pain but to show you that nothing will change. You are a changed woman, but if he leaves nothing else will have changed."

She sighed and nodded at me. "I know."

"But I wish him to stay as much as you do. I know how much you love him." I told her with a small smile. "Can we end the fighting we've been doing?" I added.

"Yes." She smiled and embraced me again.

"We're stronger than this." I told her with a sad frown. "You will be strong for Crixus and I will be strong for Varro. But more than that we need to be strong for each other."

"Then why are we acting so weak?" She asked with the same expression.

For a moment I thought of a reasonable explanation. There really was no reason for us to be at odds. Yes, what we were doing was forbidden and if caught would mean every slave in the house would be punished as if the offense was their own, but we have never been as happy as we were right now. Just not with each other. It made no sense and I had already told myself that we would remain as we have always been. No man could take her place.

"I must apologize for my behavior." I told her. "I cannot say why I'm acting the way I am. I am enthralled with Varro and he seems to be all I can think about."

"As Crixus fills my mind." She nodded at me.

"Then we should stop all this ridiculousness and go back to the way we were." I told her before a grin crossed my face. "Just with the love of two well-formed gladiators."

Laughing, we talked as we used to, happy to simply be in each other's presence. Something that had been lacking as of late. Yet, our antagonism toward each other felt normal. We were family and it was impossible to be happy with each other every moment. Even if we had to in front of our masters, we were still human and we still acted as such. Soon the villa grew quiet and it seemed my moment of opportunity had passed.

"Apologies about tonight. I know you hoped to see Varro." Naevia told me while we still sat with each other.

"I'm starting to think I shouldn't take as many risks as I do." I replied gripping her hand.

"Lea." A guard said coming into the room.

"Yes?" I frowned up at him.

"You've been summoned." He stated with a blank expression.

Nodding, I smiled at Naevia before standing and following the guard. Expecting to be led to Domina's chambers, I was surprised when he veered down to the lower levels, Doctore waiting by the gate. He greeted me with a smile as the gate was closed behind me. Looking at Doctore questioningly, he put his hand on my back and started to lead me through the ludus.

"What's going on?" I asked him as I watched women being handed to gladiators as if they were nothing. The sounds of sex filling the air as the occasional sound of coin accompanied them. "Oenomaus." I said looked up at him.

"I would think you'd have already figured it out." He told me.

"Do I dare hope?" I smiled at him.

"And be pleased with the outcome." He said and he stopped in front of Varro's cell.

"Do you have anything to do with this?" I asked him.

"I remember the warmth of a loving embrace." He told me. "I may be colder now but I will not let another lose the opportunity to feel what I did. Even if it's for one night."

Smiling, I leaned up and pressed a kiss against his cheek. "You are not as cold as you seem."

"You are one of few who can say that." He said with a small smile, stepping away from him.

Watching him till he was out of sight, I turned and smiled at Varro who was standing, waiting patiently. A smile spread across his face as I stepped up to him, running my hands down his chest before wrapping them around him. He ran his fingers down my face before he lifted my chin with his thumb, kissing me deeply. Leaning into him, I kissed him back with all of me. Pulling me tightly against him, he moved me toward his bed, laying me gently down on it.

"While all these other gladiators take their women with roughness, you treat me with gentleness." I smiled at him.

"That's because they are animals. Me? I am a man who knows how to treat a woman." He told me in between kisses. "You deserve far more than this life has offered."

"All I need is you." I whispered to him, kissing him deeply.

"Then never see me from your arms." He whispered back.

"They'll have to pry you from them." I smiled and kissed him repeatedly. "Now cease tongue and lay your hands upon me."

Giving me a mischievous grin his lips were urgent against mine. His hand moved up and down my body as the other gripped my hair. My hands moved around him, gripping his shoulders tightly in my hands as I brought my knees up against him. Arching against him, I grew wet just as fast as he grew hard. Grinning, I reached down and stroked his cock, making him moan against my neck. Squeezing him, I arched, sliding his cock inside of me. Not caring about the sounds we made, we made love like it was the first and last time. Rolling him underneath me, gripping his chest, I rocked against him with fervor, smiling as I enjoyed every moment of it. When my head was spinning, he rolled me underneath him again, resting himself down on top of me, our sweat mixing as we breathed heavily.

"I'll never be able to get enough of you." I told him, pressing my lips against his skin.

"Nor I you." He smiled.

Looking up at him, for a moment I was blissfully happy, knowing that I loved him and that he loved me. But I also knew that he loved his wife. He may be angry with her now but I knew it wouldn't last forever. He would seek amends and I would once again fall to shadow when she returned to his life. He had a son that he would never abandon. He had a year left until his debts were paid and then he'd leave these walls. I had one year with him. One. Then I would be forced to watch him leave, never to see him again.

"What is it?" He asked gently brushing my cheek with the back of his fingers.

Wiping the look from my face I smiled at him. "It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing." He stated with a small frown.

"Breaking words would ruin the moment." I smiled. "Nothing needs to be said now."

"And yet worry follows." He frowned and sat, forcing me to do the same.

"No worry required. Not for you." I told him.

"Yet there is worry for you?" He frowned as he ran his fingers through my hair.

Smiling sadly at him, I gently shook my head. "I do not wish to ruin this night."

"More nights like this will follow." He smiled sweetly at me. "So break words. I wish to hear them."

"No you do not." I replied.

"Lea." He frowned.

"I'm just thinking about what comes after." I smiled, running my fingers through his hair.

"After what?" He asked.

"You leave." I smiled sadly.

"I'll buy your freedom." He replied.

"No." I said shaking my head, kissing him deeply. "You'll return to your wife. You'll have mended things by then."

"She betrayed me." He frowned. "Don't think I forgive so easily."

Laughing lightly, I stared into his eyes. "I know you do."

"No, I do not." He said with a hint of annoyance but still wrapped his arm around my waist.

"You do, Varro. You will forgive her and you will want to be with your son." I told him. "And I will remain here…without you."

"It doesn't have to be that way." He told me with certainty.

"Maybe. But I cannot see a different path." I replied running my fingers through his hair again.

"One will present itself." He said gently.

"I hope you are right. For I do not think I can live without you."

"I don't want you to. Nor I without you."

"Gratitude." I smiled and averted my eyes.

Gripping my chin, he lifted it so I met his eyes. "Do not think you are unimportant to me. I care more for you than I have for anyone in a long time."

"Since your wife?" I asked with a hint of jealousy in my tone.

"I feel the same for both of you." He told me though his tone was lacking conviction.

I wanted to believe his words. Believe that he loved me as much as his wife. But there was something in his eyes and the tone of his voice that told me I would always be second in his eyes. Though I didn't think he knew it. He believed what he was saying but I had watched him so much that I could see the flaws in his words. Deciding not to speak anymore, I nodded and kissed him. I would keep him for as long as I could. I wanted him more than I wanted anything. So I would cease the breaking of words and see him smile again. See him as happy as I could before I was forced to say goodbye to him.

The night was filled with love making and silent exchanges with unspoken words hanging heavily above us. I had been successful in ruining the night despite my trying to mend the rift I had caused with my breaking of words. I knew I should have kept silent but I was afraid to leave anything unsaid. If we were doomed, it would be easier on both of us if it ended before it could truly begin.

"Apologies if I've made you feel as if you don't matter to me." Varro told me as he trailed his fingers through my hair. Lying atop him, I folded my hands across his chest, resting my chin on top of them so I could meet his eyes. "That is the farthest thought from my mind."

"I don't think I don't matter." I told him with a slight frown. "I just feel that I don't matter enough. Despite what you say about your wife I know you still hold her close to your heart. You may be angry now but that feeling will pass and you will once again find love in your heart for her. I'm afraid that when that happens I will just be a shadow in your memory." He frowned but remained silent. Sighing, I reached my hand up and ran my fingers through his hair. "You're the only man in my heart, where yours is torn in two."

He sighed as his fingers continued to move through my hair. "There are no words to reassure you, are there?"

"I'm afraid not." I said with a small smile. "I love you and wish nothing more than to claim you as my own, but you are claimed by another and she holds more of your heart than I." He once again remained silent. "I must return to the villa." I told him, moving from him, swiftly dressing and moving to the door.

"Lea." Varro said stopping me.

Turning to him, I met his eyes, seeing the turmoil in them. He had a decision to make. Even if he was still angry with his wife, he had a decision to make. I was probably making it too simple for him. I was trying so hard to not let myself fall too far, afraid that it was already too late.

"I do love you." He told me. "More than I should."

"I believe you." I smiled before frowning at him. "But it is not enough. I am still simply her replacement until you find warmth for her once again." He frowned at me. "I will play my part for I cannot turn from you. But when the time comes, please do not make it harder than it has to be."

"Do not think you know my heart so well. I may yet surprise you." He stated.

Leaning up, wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him passionately and repeatedly before pulling away from him. Smiling, I rested my hand against his chest, "I hope so." Turning, I left the cell, taking deep steadying breaths. Halfway to the gate, I heard my name and I turned to see Spartacus moving toward me with purpose. "Spartacus." I said slightly surprised as well as wary.

"May I break much needed words with you?" He said putting his hand gently on my arm.

"Of course." I nodded at him.

"Will you return to my cell with me?" He asked. Nodding again, I followed him, wondering what he wanted the entire way. It made me nervous since I could think of only one thing he'd wish to break words on and that was Varro. They were brothers and I knew that they would do just about anything for each other. "Please sit." He told me as he sat as if showing me how.

"What do you wish to speak about? And should I be worried?" I asked with a small smile.

"No." He smiled. "I just wish to open your eyes to something you may have yet to consider."

"I don't understand." I frowned.

"Varro loves you." He told me with furrowed brows. "He loves you and it's not just as a replacement for his wife. He loves you for you and not for what you may do for him. It's not because he can forget about her when he's with you. He loves you just as you love him."

"He has a wife, Spartacus. A fact you like to remind me of." I told him as I averted my eyes from his. "He may be angry with her right now but you know as well as I that he loves her more than he loves me. I'm simply convenient for the time being."

"You speak falsely." He said sternly. "I know you wish to believe it to protect yourself but it is not so. I've talked at length with Varro about both of you and even if he still holds love for his wife, you do not see the look on his face when he speaks of you."

"Please, say no more." I told him, emotion filling my voice. "I do not wish to hear it."

"You must." He said putting his hand on my knee. "You must hear it so you can stop trying to push him away with heavy words and darkened thoughts."

"He is not mine." I replied meeting his eyes again. "As much as I wish it I cannot keep him."

"Do not think that." He stated. "I more than anyone wish to see him back to wife's loving embrace. Since I've lost my own I know he should cherish his wife and not seek comfort elsewhere. But I'd speak with false tongue if I said that's what he views you as. You are his comfort. You are what tethers him to this world. Even he does not see how much he cares for you. I am simply the friend who is able to see all for what it is. You love him as I loved my wife." I nodded at him as he took a pause. "He loves you just the same as he loves his wife. You stand on one side, his wife the other. One day he must make a choice, but today is not that day. Nor is tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that. There is yet time for you. Do not throw it away because of his wife. Be with him now. Feel for him now. Love him now. For he will be in ruin if he loses you too."

"He will never lose me." I told him with certainty, tears in my eyes. "Even if he takes his wife back, I will always be here for him. Even when he leaves this place."

"Good. Then push all thoughts from mind but the one where he loves you."

"Gratitude." I told him, wiping a tear from my cheek as I gripped his hand. "I cannot say it enough."

"None required." He smiled. Returning it, I leaned over and kissed his cheek, wrapping my arm around him in thanks. "Now, return to him. The night is young and there is still time to explore the pleasures it has to offer."

"Gratitude." I told him again before standing and swiftly moving from the cell.

Running across the training grounds, I maneuvered around the bodies that littered the halls, darting toward the cell I had just been minutes before. Stopping in the entrance, I beheld Varro sitting on his bed, his elbows on his knees and an upset look on his face. Breathing hard, I grinned at him, stepping forward, putting my hand on his head when he was in reach. He quickly lifted his head and looked at me. Still grinning, I removed the clips from my dress, letting it fall to the floor before stepping out of it, straddling Varro's lap. Varro looked at me with confusion before his face softened and he smiled at me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. Taking his head in my hands, I kissed him with all the passion inside of me, knowing that I lived to love him.

Making love several times in all positions and places of his cell, I felt invigorated. It was exerting and yet when we finally lay still, breathing hard, all I wanted was more. More of him and everything he gave me. Not only physical but mental as well. Finding wine, we sat on his bed, wrapped in his sheet and simply talked and played games with promiscuous results. Having thought the night lost to heavy words and darkened thoughts, it had become light with talk and wonderful with fucking. It was more perfect than any night we'd spent together yet. One that I would remember despite the negative aspects that were shown. If anything we were closer because of it. Something that I cherished with all of me.

"Can I ask what changed your mind?" Varro asked late into the night.

"Spartacus." I told him. "We broke words and he made things clear."

"What did he say?"

"He made me believe the words that you'd already told me." I smiled at him.

"You didn't believe me?" He asked.

"I had my doubts." I told him honestly.

"But not anymore?" He said with slight nervousness.

Smiling, I moved closer to him, putting my hand on his face. "No, not anymore. I am with you until whatever end."

"Whatever end?"

"No matter what happens. I am with you. My heart is yours and will remain so until we're parted from this world." I said giving explanation.

"Gratitude." He smiled pulling me against his chest, the boyish smile back on his face. "I wouldn't survive knowing I'd lost you as well."

"Never." I whispered to him, kissing him deeply. "Know that without you my life would mean nothing."

"Then know that it means everything to me." He whispered back.

With broad smiles on both our faces we made love one last time, gentle and filled with passion. Everything we wanted the other to know flowed from our lips and our touch. He continued to amaze me and I fell even more in love with him. Something that I didn't think was possible. Afterward, we fell asleep in each other's arms, knowing that everything was all right.

Doctore woke me early, escorting me back to my room before leaving me to sleep a little longer before I'd have to rise to tend to Domina. Varro woke long enough to say goodbye, his touch lingering against my cheek and chest, for he had placed his hand over my heart, smiling as his hand cupped my face so he could kiss me deeply. I didn't mind being in my own bed again, able to recall his image and touch at a moment's notice. Though I felt a wave of fatigue when Naevia woke me, knowing that I had a long day ahead of me. Naevia didn't ask about what happened last night. She simply grinned and kissed my cheek before going and preparing for the day. Following only minutes behind her, we bathed and dressed before taking our place outside of Domina's chambers, waiting for her to wake. As soon as she was bathed and ready, having done her hair while Naevia chose a stola for her to wear.

As soon as she was prepared, I sought to breakfast and then to all the household chores that needed to be done. I was quiet and yet felt more ambition for my position than I had in a long time. There was a nearly constant smile on my face that I wasn't ashamed to show. Everything seemed to be brighter and full of more life than it seemed to yesterday. As I moved through the villa, tending to things, I'd occasionally find myself out on the balcony, looking down at the gladiators below me, finding only one that kept my eyes. Looking up at me, I smiled as the boyish smirk crossed Varro's face, making my stomach knot and my knees go weak. If all we could look forward to were mere moments together, they would be cherished above all else. I lived for them and knew that no matter how few and far between they were, they would mean the same to both of us and we would anxiously await each one of them. A longing that would build and be satisfied at length. Despite the life of a slave, I had finally found contentment. Contentment in the blue-eyed, blond haired beauty that stood below me, glistening in the sunlight. The day's heat having nothing to do with the heat coursing through my body as I beheld him. It was now for him that I lived for. Everything I did from this moment on would be to bring us closer together. No matter what it took to see it done. Knowing that every moment with him would be worth it. Worth everything.


	13. Hidden Intentions

_**Chapter Twelve: Hidden Intentions**_

Tonight we were to entertain and everything needed to be perfect. Domina was on edge and needed whatever support the other slaves and I could offer. While Naevia sought to her personally, I set myself to the task of making the ludus look beautiful. Setting the household slaves to purpose, I prepared to leave the ludus, Mira at my side.

"What are we in need of?" Mira asked.

"Flowers." I smiled at her. "And new scents to fill the villa. These guests are like no other we had entertained before. We need to heavily impress them."

"Who are they?" She asked as we both put a veil over our heads.

"Important Roman women. One is cousin to Marcus Crassus himself." I told her as we made our way to the gate. When we entered the training grounds, I paused under the safety of the balcony and watched as Varro swiftly moved toward me. "Hi." I smiled at him.

"Hi." He said and quickly ran his hand down the bare skin of my side.

"I must go." I told him.

"Yes, but this moment was worth it." He said softly, stepping closer to me.

Smiling, he rejoined Spartacus on the sands while Mira and I moved from the boundaries of the ludus. Accompanied by two guards, we move to the carriage, being dropped off on the outskirts of town. We walked down into the streets of Capua, feeling the excitement of the city as the rows of merchants came into view.

"Let's enjoy ourselves." I smiled at Mira.

She grinned back and we eagerly started to move through the shops, looking at everything they had to offer. Domina had been generous with coin, allowing me to make purchases I'd never dreamed I'd be able to make, even if it was for Domina. Feeling as important as a slave could, I stood in the middle of several flower carts, haggling over the price of them, knowing that I could act myself for the afternoon.

"It is obvious these are from days ago." I told the merchant as I looked at a withering bouquet that he was trying to sell me for twice their worth.

He continued to try and sway me, "No, they were just picked this morning. I swear to you."

"Do I look that naïve to you?" I smiled at him. His smile faltered. "You tried hard but I am no fool. You clearly do not have what I seek and I will take my business elsewhere." I told him and walked away.

"Wait, I have just the thing." He smiled and moved flowers around, showing me a slightly fresher set but still was well under worth.

"Enjoy the day." I told him and swiftly moved away from him.

Hearing him behind me, he'd already lost my attention. Moving on, we waded through shop after shop, finding the best that the city had to offer this day. Mira followed close behind me, both of us holding baskets that were starting to fill with an array of roses, crocuses, and ivy. I'd be able to make something beautiful with them and all the colors they had to offer. Pleased with our purchases thus far, I moved to find perfume and scented oils.

"What is a beauty such as yourself doing out here all alone?" A male voice said from behind me.

Turning, I smiled into the face of a young roman Noble. "I am not alone." I told him, taking in his handsome features.

His dark brown hair was short, spiking over his forehead instead of lying flat like all others I had seen. He was clearly toned under his robes, his muscled arms visible and enticing. He had green eyes, a shade I had never seen before, dark and vigilant. His lips were full, making his smile seem more welcoming than it should. There was something about his face that made him seem kind despite the way he spoke to me and the two other men behind him that snickered under their breath as he spoke to me. He appeared to be older than I and yet seemed to have yet to renounce his childish ways.

"A slave." He smiled at Mira.

"I am the same." I told him with a frown.

The smile on his face faltered. "And yet you speak to me as if you're something of worth."

Stepping up to him, I met his eyes, keeping them as I spoke, "We are all of worth. Despite position, even I am important in this world. Not something for little boys to play with in the streets." Stepping away from him, I hooked my arm through Mira's, "Come."

"Wait." The man told me, stepping to my other side.

"I am not unaccompanied." I told him as the two guards Domina sent with us started to step forward.

"Apologies." He told me. "I am new to Capua and am in need of friends." He said and looked at the two other men he was with.

"I fear your choice of friends unwise." I stated.

He laughed lightly and nodded at me. "Agreed."

"You seem like a decent Roman. Something I do not say lightly. If you are new to Capua, do yourself a favor and find better company." I told him. "I'm sure there is at least one more decent Roman in this city."

"What of you?" He asked.

I laughed before answering, "I am no Roman."

"Than what are you?"

"Celtic." I replied.

"Perhaps Celtics make for better friends." He smiled warmly.

Unable to hide a smile, I gripped Mira's arm tighter, trying not to sway to his charm. "And yet if memory recalls, slaves make for poor friends as well." I finally told him.

"Currently I'm finding them better suited than Romans." He replied with honesty.

Looking up at him, I couldn't help but he taken aback. He was surprising me at every turn. "Who are you?" I asked.

"Caius Laelius Sulla." He told me with a small smile. "And will you grant me the pleasure of your name?"

"I do not think I will." I smiled at him. "But thank you, Caius, for giving me yours."

Swiftly moving away from him, practically dragging Mira with me, we were soon out of sight and I felt like I could relax from the encounter. Taking a deep breath, I smiled and shook my head; I had never had such an encounter before.

"Why did you not give him your name?" Mira asked with a smile.

"I am in no need of another man." I smiled at her. "And I will more than likely never see him again."

"He was beautiful was he not?" She beamed at me.

"Almost as beautiful as the man who already holds my heart." I told her, my smile growing. "Beautiful enough to make Varro jealous if he ever laid eyes upon him."

"Let's keep it just between us than." She told me. "No need for jealous men where there is no reason to be."

"Precisely." I said giving a nod.

It was hours later when we finally returned to the ludus, several baskets of roses, crocuses, garden lilies and gladioluses among them. As well as several baskets of fruit, with strawberries galore to keep Domina's palate happy. Another full of perfumes and oils that smelled divine enough to dull the senses. Proud of my purchases, I delivered them to the table in the vestibule and sent Mira to fetch Domina, wanting her to look it over before I did anything more with it.

"You were gone some time." Domina said as she came into the room.

"Apologies." I told her with a bow of my head. "It took time to find flowers that were worthy of tonight. The scents were easier."

She picked through the flowers and smelled each scent before she simply stood and looked at them. "You've done well, Lea. See to the decorations and I will see you rewarded for it."

"Gratitude." I smiled at her.

She returned it before walking away. Gathering everything into my arms, Mira and I set to preparing vases and centerpieces to fill the rooms the women would be spending time in. Allowing the extras to spread into every room that it could, I set light to the oils so the scent would be thick in the air before tonight arrived, knowing that Domina wanted everything to be perfect.

It felt too soon when the approach of our guests was announced and Domina stood and waited for them in the vestibule. I was set to the task of triple checking that everything was prepared, finding myself in the kitchen, rinsing another batch of strawberries.

"You seem anxious." Mira told me as she assisted.

"I am not used to such company. Domina's anxiousness seems to be transferring to me." I replied as I put the strawberries on a platter.

"Everything will be fine." She said putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Gratitude." I smiled, kissing her cheek before carrying the fruit into the triclinium, placing the last on the tiered platter next to Domina's seat just as the five women appeared.

Moving from the room, I returned the platter to the kitchen before once again finding my place behind my Domina. For a moment I listened to the conversation, filling glasses of Philonian wine, as they spoke of trivial matters. Soon talk moved to the gladiators of the house and I found that the more they spoke the more I favored my Domina. These other women were arrogant and small minded. They spoke of our home as lacking in amusements and lower than their own. Though Domina was quick with words, stilling their tongues. Doing so even further when she told them of Ilithyia's patronage over Segovax. Though I found that these wealthy women were more shallow than I thought, not wishing to meet the man because he had yet been branded as gladiator. I found the attacking these women did against Ilithyia amusing, yet when their words were turned on my Domina I couldn't help the protectiveness I felt, wanting to speak out in her defense.

"I would lay eyes upon a real gladiator." Aemilia stated.

"Yes." Licinia stated. "A champion. Bring Spartacus up."

"Spartacus? Oh yes, you must." Caecilia laughed.

Ilithyia looked at Domina with a meaningful look, wanting more than anything to keep these women happy. "Bring up the champion. Let us all revel in his presence."

"Lea." Domina said looking at me.

"Domina." I said stepping forward.

"Make sure he behaves himself." She said jokingly.

"Domina." I repeated and left the room, pausing out of sight as Licinia spoke.

"You put much trust in her."

"She was born and raised in this house. She is one of my most trusted slaves." Domina replied.

"Lucretia is unique in the trust she puts in her slaves. But Lea has proven to be a necessity in the House of Batiatus." Ilithyia added.

"What you see around you is Lea's doing." Domina stated. "She has brought much pride to this house."

Smiling, I moved down to the ludus, happy to know that I had not lost any favor despite the secrets I hold. The gate was opened and Doctore stepped up to me.

"Doctore." I smiled. "I am in need of Spartacus. He has been summoned to the villa."

Smiling, he nodded and sought the gladiator out. Waiting, I was surprised when it was the eldest German brother that approached me, even though I could see Varro looking my way.

"Aren't you a sight to see?" Agron smiled.

"And you are not." I smiled back at him.

"I disagree." He said putting his hand on the wall as he leaned closer to me.

"Agron." Varro said stepping up to us.

"It's okay, Varro." I smiled, seeing a look in Agron's eyes. "He doesn't want me as badly as he thinks he does."

Agron's smile faded and he scoffed at me. "You're a fine woman." He stated.

"And you are a fine man." I stated putting my hand on his chest. He smiled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to my cheek before he walked away. Varro stepped up to me, a deep frown on his face. "Don't be jealous." I smiled at him.

"Yet what I just witnessed seems to make the feeling boil." He told me.

"No need." I said putting my hands against his chest. "I only have eyes for you."

"That does make it better." He told me with his boyish half smile, making my thighs wet with wanting. "I wish you were here to spend a moment with me."

"As do I." I grinned. "Perhaps later I can escape for a moment. Even then there will be bars between us."

"Someday that will not be so." He smiled, trailing his fingers down my face.

Doctore reappeared then, Spartacus with him. Leading the champion up to the villa I told him of the expectations Domina had of him. "You must still your tongue and only speak when spoken to. These are noblewomen and need to be treated as such. I beg of you not to be difficult."

"Crixus is the more obedient dog." He commented.

Stopping abruptly, I spun and stopped him with my hand against his chest, glaring up at him through my eyelashes. "You are my friend and I care deeply for you. Crixus is like a brother to me because he and Naevia are in love and have been stealing moments together for as long as I have sought Varro. I beg of you to stop making me sound like I have the eye of all men here. I do not and would not wish it upon myself. Varro is the one I hold closest to heart and then there is you. As a friend I am begging you to behave so Domina will not look the fool. She needs these women to favor her and I will help in any way that I can."

"I was simply stating a fact." He told me with raised brow.

Thinking a moment I realized that I had spoken too much when he had only made comment. "Apologies." I said with a slight blush to my cheeks. Grinning at me, taking pleasure in my embarrassment, I sighed, lightly hitting his chest with the back of my hand.

"Varro is like a brother so that would make you a sister." He stated. "I did not mean to insinuate anything."

"Then you and I are in agreement?" I asked him.

"I will behave." He told me with a small smile.

Taking his head in my hands I leaned up and placed a quick kiss against his cheek. "Good." I told him before continuing on our way.

Once we arrived, Spartacus stood in front of the pool to allow the women to swarm him, Mira among them, a captivated look on her face. In truth, they were all captivated by him and it was obvious why. He truly appeared to be sculpted by the gods. He was a magnificent sight to behold. One that held no more meaning to me other than brother. Though I couldn't deny that being able to say that put me in a very unique position. One that I proudly held.

"Mm, he stands as Mars, ready for war." Licinia stated as she ran her fingers across his chest. "Is there truth to the legends? Gladiators share the blood of the gods?"

"The mighty Crixus – most certainly." Ilithyia stated.

"There was a man truly blessed by the gods." Caecilia said as if it were past tense.

"When will we see him in the arena again?" Aemilia asked.

"Soon." Domina replied. He was slow to heal but he was getting there and would once again bring honor to this house.

"What of you, Spartacus? Are you a blessing to us?" Licinia asked.

Spartacus looked to me, causing me to raise a brow in warning, before he answered, "To some. To others a curse."

"The duality of his kind – admired as a gladiator, yet despised as a slave." Ilithyia commented.

"He is much more than a common slave." Licinia stated. "You can feel it radiating from his flesh. I have heard tale of a champion's blood possessing many restorative powers."

Aemilia smiled as she beheld our champion. "A few drops in a glass of wine is said to make a man hard for days."

"Such are the legends." Domina smiled at her.

"Well, I would test them for myself if I could." Licinia smiled.

Domina was ever pleasing for these women; at this point it was almost sickening. "Certainly. I'll send a messenger with a vial."

"I would have it now." Licinia demanded, making my eyes dart to Domina and then to Ilithyia who picked up a blade.

"May I have the honor?" She said as she pressed the blade to Spartacus's abdomen.

Domina smiled but I knew that she would not deny anything to these women, "Take care not to cut too deeply."

"The legend does call for the blood of a dead gladiator, does it not? But such details should not concern us. Spartacus will die soon enough…to the roar of the crowd." She said and cut him across his chest. My blood boiled, wishing harm upon the woman.

Licinia was truly mesmerized by Spartacus, "I do not believe he will ever fall in the arena. He is a god among men."

"He's nothing but a Thracian dog. His treachery dishonored Rome." Ilithyia shot at him harshly.

Her words made my stomach drop and I looked at Spartacus, knowing that she had struck a nerve. Though he had already opened his mouth to speak his mind. "It is your husband who bears the dishonor." He shot at her.

Domina sensed the same. "Guards."

Spartacus wasn't done yet. "He abandoned defenseless women and children, left them to be raped and murdered."

"Get him out of here." Domina told the guards who quickly seized him and took him from sight.

Swiftly following, I demanded a word with him before he was once again locked inside the ludus. "Have you lost mind?" I shot at him. "I told you how important these women were and yet you can't seem to hold your tongue."

"Apologies." He said with a sigh. "But it is the truth."

Softening, I nodded at him, "I know it is."

"I'd like nothing more than to see her head on a spike."

"Agreed." I told him with a small smile. "This house was better off without that Roman cunt tainting it." He grinned down at me. "What?"

"I think that's the harshest thing I've ever heard you say." He replied.

"I am not used to harsh words. I am not that kind of person." I told him as my cheeks flushed. "Nor do I like such talk."

"If it weren't for Sura I would think you the perfect woman." He smiled.

"I am far from perfect but gratitude for your words." I replied as my cheeks flushed further.

"They are well placed." He said putting his hand on my arm.

"You are a good man, Spartacus." I told him with seriousness. "I hope all the best for you in this life and the next."

"And I you." He smiled and embraced me for a moment before he was escorted back down into the ludus.

Returning to Domina, I found the room empty except for her and Naevia. "The guests have taken their leave?" I asked.

"Yes." Domina told me. "Will you see that this is all cleaned up?"

"Of course, Domina." I told her and set myself to the task.

Taking my time, I had the food put away first, then the table and floors were cleaned and the furniture put back to its previous state. As soon as all the heavy lifting was complete, I excused the house slaves, telling them that I would take care of the rest. As soon as the villa was quiet, I lit a few extra candles and started to take apart the flowers, dispersing them throughout the entire villa, enjoying the scent they brought to the air. Leaving the scented oils, I started to feel the first waves of sleep come to me. About to head to bed, I heard commotion from below and soon, there were guards rushing through the ludus, waking my masters. There were angry yells and soon Dominus was rushing down into the ludus.

"Domina?" I called as she moved past the room I was in.

"Lea." She said reaching for me.

Gripping each other, we followed Dominus, finding Doctore restraining Segovax while Dominus went toward the Medicus's chambers.

"Who is injured?" Domina asked.

Looking at her, knowing she was worried for Crixus, I was eager to hear anyone's name but Varro's.

"Spartacus, Domina." Doctore replied. "Segovax made an attempt on his life. If it weren't for Crixus he would have succeeded. Both now are waiting to be tended by the Medicus."

"Go assist." She told me.

"Domina." I said squeezing her hand before I rushed down the hall, seeing several eyes on me from the gladiators in their cells. Reaching the doorway, I rushed to Spartacus's side, kneeling as I put my hands on his knees, looking up at a deep purple mark around his neck. "Oh, Spartacus."

"I am fine, Lea." He smiled at me.

"Spartacus." I repeated, reaching my fingers to touch the wound, a wave of emotion gripping me.

"I am all right." He repeated as he put his hand against my cheek. Taking a deep breath, I tried to hold back the tears that had started to well in my eyes. "None of that."

"Does it cause you much pain?" I asked after taking a deep steadying breath, attempting to push the tears away.

"No." He said shaking his head.

"Okay." I nodded unable to hold the tears back any longer.

Smiling, he pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me as I wrapping mine around his shoulders. Letting silent tears fall, I gripped him as tightly as I could until I had managed to push the fear away, regaining control of myself. Releasing him, he took my head in his hands, wiping the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Do not fear for me." He smiled.

"You are one of few that I am close to. To have you fall would cause me much pain. Seeing you hurt causes me pain." I told him with a sad frown. "Why do you insist on making life so difficult for yourself?"

"It's not as if I do it on purpose." He said with a slight frown.

"But you do." I frowned at him in almost a yell, standing and pacing in front of him, anger now bubbling instead of worry. "You are always the antagonist and do as you please to meet your own ends. You don't care what happens to those around you." I told him as my voice started to rise.

"Lea." He frowned sadly at me. "I would protect you above all others."

"I believe you." I told him taking his head in my hands. "I just wish you'd take others into consideration before you make decisions that don't just affect you but those around you. Or at least consider how others may feel if something should happen to you. I for one would be devastated."

For a moment his expression was hard, but then it softened and he smiled up at me. "Varro has always said you have a way with words. I knew it to be so but had yet to feel the strength of them."

Smiling, I placed a kiss against his forehead. "Then heed them and perhaps you'll live to hear them again." He gently rubbed my side, his smiling growing. Finally turning away from him, I stepped up to Crixus. "Gratitude for saving him." I told him.

"I only helped a brother." He told me.

"See?" I said turning and looking at Spartacus. "You bear the mark and are known as brother. Even by your worst enemy. Why can you not show the same loyalty?" He remained silent, making me scoff and turn back to the Gaul. "How do you fare?"

"I did not harm myself." He told me.

"Let me see." I said and peaked under the bandages. "They seem to be intact. No signs of blood. Does it pain you?"

"Not any more than it has been." He told me with a small smile.

"Good." I smiled and placed a kiss against his cheek.

"Lea." Naevia said appearing from the hall.

"He is well." I smiled at her, stepping aside so she could share a moment with the man she loved.

"Lea." I heard my name again, turning in time to open my arms as Varro collided with me, lifting me off the ground as he held me tightly. Wrapping my arms around his neck tightly, I breathed him in as I buried my face in his neck. Soon there was yelling from the other side of the ludus. Segovax was undoubtedly being questioned about his motives.

"I'm all right." I told him, kissing his neck, putting my hand on the back of his head. "I'm all right." I repeated as I leaned away, putting my forehead against his.

In the next moment he was kissing him, hard and deep. It lasted only a few moments before he released me, stepping back before we could be discovered. Stepping next to Spartacus, I put my hand on his shoulder as I smiled at my love, hoping he would see what I was feeling in the way I looked at him.

"How is he?" Dominus said coming into the room.

"He will be fine." I told him with a smile. "There is some bruising but I do not fear that permanent damage has been made."

"Excellent." He smiled and looked at Spartacus. "We can't have our champion killed under his own roof now can we?"

"No, Dominus." I said with a small smile. "Crixus will be fine as well. His wounds remain closed and he has not suffered any other injury."

"Good. Good." He said and stepped up to Spartacus, putting his hand on his other shoulder. "Know that Segovax will be severely punished for this."

Spartacus nodded at him, "Gratitude."

"Alright, rest and come tomorrow we will see Segovax executed for his betrayal." Dominus told him.

"Finish with them and then see yourself to bed." Domina told me.

"Domina." I told her with a bow of my head.

"All of you! To bed!" Dominus said to the other gladiators.

The room was emptied but it took only a moment before Varro reappeared with a small smile on his face. Grinning at him, I still stood at Spartacus's side. Crixus eyed us all with slight anxiousness.

"I am fine and will retire to my cell." The Gaul said and stood.

"Gratitude, Crixus." I smiled at him.

"Do not linger too long." He told me with a small smile, putting his hand on my arm as he placed a quick kiss against my cheek.

"I will not." I told him, with a slight shake of my head.

"I too will see myself to my cell." Spartacus said with a slight gruffness to his voice.

"Rest." I told him putting my hand on his face. "And please think on my words."

"Yes, Lea." He smiled and kissed my cheek as well before leaving the room.

"That leaves just the two of us." Varro told me with his smile that made my cunt instantly wet for him.

"Fuck me now before time runs out." I told him, rushing to him, shoving him against the wall.

With hushed moans, using each other's mouths to silence the sounds that wanted to escape our mouths. Lifting me off the ground, he turned and pressed me against the wall, positioning his cock as I wrapped my legs around him to keep steady against him. As he thrust up inside of me, my mind immediately began to swim with the pleasures he gave me. Breathing hard, our mouths open against each other while I felt his cock stroke inside of me. Due to our haste it was overly brief, but the pleasures felt the same as they always did. All the love flowing between us in one single act. Kissing me slow and deep, he lowered me to my feet, my legs feeling slightly numb from the experience. Smiling, I took his chin in my mouth, gently sucking on it before I trailed kisses down his neck and chest. Wrapping my arms around him, I rested my head against his chest, hearing the sound of his racing heart.

"I love you." He whispered as he buried his face in my hair.

Looking up at him, I leaned in, kissing him again as I whispered, "I love you too."

"You should return to the villa before anyone takes notice."

"And you to your cell." I smiled, running my hand down his face.

"Sleep well." He said softly with a smile.

"I will now that I've seen you." I smiled and kissed him again. "You sleep well and know I think of you every moment we're apart."

"And I you." He smiled and kissed once more, taking my hand before walking me to the door and to the fork of the hall. His cell was one direction while the villa was another. "I pray we have a moment again soon."

Grinning, I stepped away from him, our fingers sliding across each other's palms as they were pulled apart, our finger tips locking together before we were too far apart to reach each other. Moving from sight, I went to the gates and was let back up into the villa. Going to my quarters, I saw Naevia lying awake on her bed, a sad frown on her face.

"Naevia?" I said softly as I sat down on my own.

"I am jealous of you." She told me without meeting my eyes.

"In what way?" I frowned at her but had a slight smile on my face.

"You have lain with Varro and I have only ever shared the occasional kiss with Crixus. I wish I could be as close to him as you are with Varro." She replied honestly.

Moving from my bed, I knelt at her head, putting one arm around her, gripping her other comfortingly. "One day it will happen and when yours and Crixus's time comes, it will be more splendid than anyone else's could ever be. You two share more love for each other than I've ever seen. It's a love that will last through the ages. Just because you haven't lain with him yet doesn't mean anything. It's just a chance to build it up and when it happens you'll be more satisfied than even I." I told her and smiled.

"Gratitude." She smiled at me.

"Sleep. Everything will be better in the morning."

It was true for all but one. Come morning, Segovax was without his cock and executed upon cross. Ilithyia returned to the ludus to see his final moments. Once it was done, training resumed as if nothing had happened. Tending Domina, I was put to the task of preparing the female slaves for viewing, adorning them with masks of the female gods. We were expecting a visitor; Licinia would be arriving for a meeting very secret in nature.

"Why must we do this?" Mira asked as she looked at the liking of Diana, the goddess of the hunt.

"Because Domina commands it." I smiled at her.

"Do you have to wear one?" She asked.

"Of course not." I scoffed at her. "Besides, you all must be in the nude for whatever Domina has planned."

"Perfect." She told me with an unamused tone.

Laughing, I put my hands on her arms. "It will hopefully be brief. And all you have to do is stand there."

"Shouldn't be too hard." She smirked at me.

"Do you know what Domina's plan is?" Persephone asked.

"I do not." I told her. "All I know is that we are to receive a guest and Domina feels the need to please her."

"Her who?" Lamantha grinned.

"None of your concern." I smiled at her. "All I know is that you all are to be cleaned and must wear a mask."

No more questions were asked and there was a moment's peace before I led them to the hall Domina specified, by the pool and with ample sunlight.

"These are exquisite." Licinia told Domina as she walked along the line of women.

"Yes, they've been in the family for generations." Domina told her.

"So this sort of arrangement happens often?" She asked curiously.

"No." Domina smiled with a shake of her head.

"Hmm." Licinia said.

I found that the wealthy women said that a lot. It was always in a condescending way that made me loathe them even more than I already did. There was something about Licinia that made me feel the need to rebel. I wouldn't think twice of spilling her blood. The way she smiled and spoke to Domina. The way she looked at us while we worked and the way her eyes devoured Spartacus as if he were just a piece of meat. Only, he was. In her eyes he would always be a slave and would mean nothing to her but would do anything to him. I knew nothing about the arrangement they had made but the more I thought about it the more I thought that Licinia was here for Spartacus.

"But when such a request is made, one must be prepared to offer only the finest quality." Domina told her with reassurance.

"The House of Batiatus does not fall short in that regard." She said stopping to take a better look at one of the masks. "This one, I think."

"Ah, Diana, the goddess of the hunt – a fine choice." Domina grinned at her, taking the mask to reveal Mira underneath it.

Smiling at my friend, I fell in step behind my Domina with Naevia and Licinia's body slaves. The rest of the house slaves were ushered off and moved out of sight.

"Do you think she would approve?" Licinia asked as she looked at the mask. "When Actaeon saw her bathing she turned the poor bastard into a stag and set his own dogs upon him."

"Oh, how fitting then that you should have a stag of your own to play with. Have you decided?"

In the next moment, Licinia confirmed my earlier thoughts. "There is only one man I would invite such peril to know. I will have Spartacus."

"The champion." Lucretia said with an air of unease. I hoped she would put an end to this before it could begin. Only I was sadly mistaken. "Of course."

"Is that a problem? If more coin is required –"

"No no no no no. No, the cousin to Marcus Crassus deserves the slayer of Theokoles himself, at fair price." Domina said as they sat in the triclinium.

"Oh, it is not the price that concerns. If ever my husband were to hear of this…"

"The gods themselves would have to whisper it in his ear. We take the utmost care with the delicate nature of these arrangements. The mask ensures anonymity, but you must do your part. Tell no one. Arrive exactly at the appointed time, unencumbered." Domina told her with the utmost importance.

"Absent slaves or attendants?"

"Who would hold your husband's loyalty true to value. I would avoid complications for you and this ludus."

The words were barely out of her mouth when Ilithyia appeared as if from nowhere. Both women were taken aback but hid it well as they took in their friend.

"Ilithyia." Licinia grinned.

"Oh. Apologies. Am I early?" Ilithyia grinned knowing full well that she had interrupted something.

"For what purpose?" Domina asked her.

"You invited me to midday meal."

"Did you?" Licinia said with a suspicious tone.

"Yes. For tomorrow."

"Oh, was it? I pray I have not interrupted important proceedings."

"Oh no, on the contrary. We were only just speaking about you and your gladiator. What was his name? The Celt…" Licinia replied knowing full well what had happened, antagonizing Ilithyia to no end.

"Segovax." Ilithyia stated, her composure faltering.

"Yes, Segovax." Licinia said as she continued to press Ilithyia. "Pity. Perhaps you should buy several next time until you get the hang of it."

"It's a very difficult process. Very few make it to the final test, still fewer the arena. My husband demands only the finest." Domina defended her friend.

"As do we all." She said and looked at the two women in front of her. "Forgive my haste, but my own husband expects me." She said placing a kiss against Domina's cheek. "I look forward to our next encounter."

Anxiousness filled me as my eyes moved to Ilithyia. She did not react well to being slighted and Licinia and her friends seemed to find it amusing to slight her at every turn. Even now there was a fire burning in her eyes that made me worry for Domina.

"She favors you." Ilithyia told Domina.

"And I her." Domina replied trying to bring her friend back from the edge of suspicion.

"It warms the heart to know my hands are responsible." Ilithyia replied with mock sincerity.

"Then let me take them in gratitude." Domina smiled, moving to kiss Ilithyia's cheek, only Ilithyia turned her head and met Domina on her lips.

Naevia and I shared a look before seeing Thessela frown at us, making us avert my eyes. "Apologies." I told her softly.

"Respect your Domina." She replied.

"I do." I told her with a frown. "I respect _my_ Domina."

She straightened and looked as if she was going to confront me but stopped, knowing that it would upset her own Domina. Feeling a small sense of victory, I smiled at Naevia before falling silent once more.

"You're mistaken. There is no masquerade. She merely wanted to borrow the visage of Diana." Domina said still attempting to neutralize Ilithyia.

"To avoid complications? A wealthy woman of status visiting a ludus, concealing masks and whispering of complications – if I did not know better, I would suspect intent to fuck one of your gladiators."

"Ilithyia." Domina said giving too much away.

"She is, isn't she? Oh, that little whore. How positively depraved." Ilithyia beamed at her.

I felt a need to cause distraction but I wasn't sure what to do. Thessela was watching me with a small glare, knowing that if I said or did anything for mine she would do the same for hers.

"I promised discretion. You must not breathe a word of this to anyone." Domina told her with seriousness.

"I would never think of it. You have been a most valued friend. And this will be our little secret." Ilithyia smiled but I knew that she would manipulate my Domina to reach whatever end she had in mind.

I feared Domina sensed my hatred of the woman, sending me to the Medicus to assist with the final treatment of Crixus. Sitting in front of him, I removed his stitches a little more forcefully than I should have. Enough that Crixus took my wrist in his hand and frowned at me.

"What weighs the mind?" He asked.

"Nothing. Everything is as it should be." I replied but my tone told him otherwise.

"Lea." He frowned harder at me.

Sighing, I leaned back and looked at him. "I do not care for Ilithyia. She is manipulating Domina and I fear the end result will be disastrous."

"Domina isn't as innocent as she may seem." He told me.

"I know that." I told him. "But I remain loyal to her despite her imperfections. I've served her for many years. Many more than you."

"I understand." He told me with a small smile. "I'm sure you're aware of the arrangement we share."

"Yes, the one that continuously hurts Naevia." I replied too harshly, as I ripped a stitch from his flesh. He frowned at me with a hurt look. "Apologies." I told him, gently rubbing the pink area I had caused, though he looked unconvinced. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"Yet your words sting."

"I am truly sorry." I told him putting my hand on his cheek. "I speak without thinking. I'm just distracted." I told him.

"Do not take it out on me." He told me with a hard tone.

"Apologies." I said with a small voice. "You've healed nicely. You'll be to full form in no time."

"Will it help if I fetch Varro for you?" He smiled. Smiling back, a small blush came to my cheeks. "But know that he has not been of the same mood as of late."

"In what way?" I frowned at him.

"He sent message to his wife and he has not heard from her. It weighs on the man's mind."

Sighing, I leaned back again, my mood shifting from excitement to dread. "I knew it would happen eventually." I told him. "He loves her."

"He loves you." Crixus said taking my head in his hands.

Smiling, I nodded at him and continued to remove his stitches. My mind now swimming with thoughts of Varro's wife and what words he had sent to her. Wondering if he'd come to some revelation and our time had run out.

"How does he fare?" Medicus asked as he appeared.

"Well." I told him. "All done." I said as I stood and stepped back so Medicus to take a look at him.

"When can I begin training again?" Crixus asked.

"A week, maybe two." Medicus told him as he looked at his healed wounds.

"Tomorrow." Crixus told him.

"No, it's too soon."

Crixus took his head in his hands. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow then." Medicus told him and walked away.

"I'll go fetch Varro." Crixus told me.

"That's not necessary." I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around myself as I shifted my weight from foot to foot.

"I'm sorry if my words burdened you." He said stepping up to me.

"It's not your fault. Gratitude for telling me." I replied though even I could hear the sadness in my voice.

Putting his hands on my arms he smiled down at me, "Wait a moment."

Nodding at him, I sat on a bench as he walked from the room. The silence of the room made my thoughts loud as I overthought the meaning of Varro's sudden need to speak to the wife who betrayed him and the child she carried. Sighing, I took a deep breath before my head shot up at the sound of shuffling feet. A moment later Varro was being brought in with Spartacus's help.

"Varro!" I exclaimed, helping lower him onto a bench. "What happened?"

"Crixus came out of nowhere and attacked him." Spartacus told me.

I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face, silently thanking Crixus for protecting me without needing to or without knowing why.

"Does is please you to see me in pain?" Varro frowned at me.

"No." I smiled, kissing him quickly. "He hasn't hurt you too badly."

"Not the point." He continued to frown at me.

Running my hand down his face, I fetched a bowl of water and a cloth, starting to clean the blood from his body. He had a few minor cuts and light bruising across his cheekbone. Nothing that would last more than a few days, if that.

"What got into him?" Varro asked Spartacus.

"I do not know." Our friend replied.

"Apologies." I told both of them. "I'm afraid I'm to blame for this."

"In what way?" Varro asked still frowning.

"He told me that you've been distracted since you sent word to your wife and have not heard reply." I told him. Both Varro's and Spartacus's face fell and it was my turn to frown. "I understand." I said turning away to take care of the bowl and cloth.

"I was going to tell you." Varro said darting to my side.

Looking up at him, I couldn't help the pain that was filling my heart. "It's okay." I told him, putting my hand on his face. "I knew this day was going to come. I knew you could not stay angry with her forever."

"It's not like that." He stated.

"It is." I retorted. "Unless you sent word to her of your love for another woman, it is like that."

"Lea." He said sadly, his posture telling me that I was right.

"You wish to reconcile with her." I stated, knowing it was true. "And that's okay."

"She's my wife." He stated with a sad voice.

"And there's always been a choice that you had to make. It appears that you've made that choice." I smiled, leaning up and kissing him deeply before leaving the room.

Rushing back up into the villa, I could feel a wave of emotion taking me over, hoping I would make it to my room before it spilled out. Running the final length, I stopped when I noticed Mira pacing my room. She looked up at me and sadness crossed her face when she saw the tears that were already falling down my cheeks.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Nothing." I smiled, quickly wiping them from my cheeks.

"It doesn't look like nothing." She frowned.

"Varro has sought redemption from his wife." I told her. The look on her face told me that she had moved to the same conclusion that I had. "I fear my time with him is spent."

"It might not mean what you think it does." She told me, swiftly taking my hands in hers.

"Maybe." I told her with a small voice. "But in this moment it feels like my world is crashing down around me."

There was nothing she could say. Instead she simply wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly. When I finally took control of myself, I moved from her embrace and paced my small room as I wiped the tears from my cheeks and tried to calm myself enough for the redness to recede from my cheeks.

"He loves you. It can't be over yet." Mira told me comfortingly.

Laughing, I nodded at her as I paced. "Anything that happens now will be out of guilt."

"Lea, you don't know everything he's thinking and feeling. For all you know this is just as hard on him as it is for you." She told me trying to make me see past my anger.

"Yet at the end of the day he still has a woman. If he returns to his wife than I simply have Domina." I replied as I sat next to her.

"Speak with him. All may not be lost." She said putting her arm around me.

Smiling, I placed a kiss against her cheek. "Now, is there something you needed from me?" I asked. Her smile fell and she looked at me with anxious eyes. "What is it?"

"Domina has commanded that I lay with Spartacus." She told me with a quiet voice.

"When? Why?" I frowned at her.

"Tonight. Domina fears that he will not last long enough to please the Roman woman."

"Licinia." I said and stood, pacing the room again.

"You know Spartacus. What should I do to please him?"

"He won't have you." I told her with certainty.

"He must." She frowned, standing quickly. "Domina will be very displeased if he doesn't."

"He won't." I repeated. "I do know him; he doesn't want another woman to warm his bed. It's too soon after his wife's passing."

"Domina commands it of me so I must." She told me with a slightly defensive tone.

Looking at her with furrowed brows, I moved toward her with slow steps. "You feel for the man, don't you?"

"No, of course not. I don't even know him." She replied too quickly.

"He intrigues you." I said as I tried to meet her eyes. "You do feel for him." She refused to meet my eyes. "You want this task. Domina has given you a great opportunity."

"Stop."

"Mira, what are you thinking?" I frowned at her. "Spartacus is not the gladiator to get into bed with."

"And yet a still married Varro is?" She frowned back at me. "I didn't ask for this."

"But you're not ashamed of it either. You want this."

"He is the Bringer of Rain. He is a man to be remembered. Is it so wrong to want to be a part of it?" She asked.

Sighing, I wasn't sure what to say to her. I knew that she didn't have a choice but it bothered me that she wanted to lay with Spartacus. She was pleased with herself for being chosen for the task and now she had come to me with question of how to please him. Unable to tell her what she wanted to hear, she quickly left, leaving me alone. Alone was what I desired; only now my mind was more burdened than it had been just minutes before. Varro was no longer the only man on my mind. Now Spartacus was there, knowing that he would be furious about Domina's opinion of him. He was a man like no other. He needed no practice in being exactly who he was.

Getting little sleep, I found myself in need of distraction. I needed to find something to keep my mind off of Varro and Spartacus. Despite Crixus's return to training, I stayed clear of the balcony, finding as large a task as I could to keep me far away from the sight of the gladiator's. To my satisfaction Domina had requested a milk bath prepared. Before that I scrubbed the bath before having it refilled. All the while I remained silent except when giving direction or asking for something. Words seem to only lead to pain and I'd had enough pain.

While Naevia was tending Domina while she bathed, I tended to Domina's chambers. I wasn't alone long when Mira came in with a desperate look on her face. Without asking, I already knew that Spartacus had turned her away and now she feared the wrath of Domina. She refused my advice and now was back to seek it again to fix her predicament.

"He wouldn't have you, would he?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Domina is going to be displeased." She replied.

"Did I not warn you?" I retorted.

"I did not want to hear." She said stepping closer to me as I returned a stola to its proper place. "But I'm ready to listen."

"What would you have me do?" I told her with a sigh.

"Speak to Domina on my behalf. Explain to her what happened. She listens to you." She replied quickly.

"Simply tell Domina what happened. She'll be more upset that you haven't told her yet than you failing at the task she gave you." I stated.

"Lea, please." She pleaded gripping my hands. "I need your help."

"I offered help and you didn't want to hear." I shot at her. "Despite that, there is nothing I can do for you. This is something she demanded of you. I cannot take that burden from you."

"Apologies for any offense I may have made." She told me.

Sighing, I softened and squeezed her hands. "No offense taken. You are a friend and I wish no harm to come to you. You simply need to be honest with Domina and it will be fine. She will not lay a hand on you. Nor will anyone else."

Nodding, she took a steadying breath before returning to the task of tending to Domina while she bathed. Finished with Domina's chambers, I went to the bathing room to see if Domina was in need of anything. Hoping to be able to slip away to be alone, I was disappointed when she instructed me to join her, taking over for a house slave. Taking a sponge, I dunked it in the water, sliding it up and down her arm and over her shoulder, the scent from the oils filling my nostrils. It was calming, helping more than I had thought it would.

"Did you note any signs of discomfort as Crixus took the sand?" Domina asked Naevia.

"No, Domina." She replied, her fondness for the man hidden beneath her words.

"Huh. He's anxious to regain his place. But I would not see him overreach, nor hide pain from his recovery. If you notice Crixus attempting to conceal anything from me, you tell me immediately." Domina said, looking over her shoulder to meet Naevia's eyes.

"Yes, Domina."

"The opposite sex has no sense whatsoever when it comes to their limits. They must be constantly watched lest they harm themselves in the simple act of being men." She said and paused, looking at Mira who had come in to add more water to the pool. "Wait." She said stopping her.

"Domina." Mira said without meeting Domina's eyes.

"How did you fare with Spartacus last night? Was his cock impressive size when engorged? How many times did he have you? Huh? Speak." She asked with short pauses between questions.

Mira met my eyes before finally those of our Domina. "He would not have me."

"He would not?"

"No, Domina."

"And yet you wait until now to tell me?"

Raising a brow at my friend, I took pleasure in her anxiousness. "I was afraid you would be displeased." Mira told her honestly.

"Take off your dress." Domina demanded, leaving Mira no choice but to obey. Almost feeling bad for her, it disappeared knowing that she had brought this on herself. She had been proud of her task and now she was under the scrutiny of our Domina. Untying the string at her side, Mira pulled the looped fabric from around her neck. "Tits, ass and cunt all appear to be without disease or deformity, which tells me that the fault is not in the flesh but in the bitch." Domina told her coldly.

"Apologies, Domina." Mira told her with an edge of fear in her voice.

"Return to his cell tonight, and I expect his cock in you, or you'll find a sword in its place." Domina threatened.

"Yes, Domina." She said and quickly turned from the room.

Come afternoon Domina was roaming the halls with an arch in her eyebrow filled with mischievousness. Looking at Naevia, we shared a small smile, knowing that something was about to happen. With the villa this quiet it was only a matter of time before Domina did something to liven it up.

"Lea." She said stopping and looking at new artwork on the wall.

"Domina?" I said stepping to her side.

"I'm bored." She stated. "I'm in need of distraction. Go to market and fetch a new array of flowers. And strawberries. As many as you can get."

"Of course, Domina." I told her. "May I take Mira with me?"

She lifted a brow at me. "Perhaps you can talk some sense into her."

Giving her a small smile, I nodded at her. "I will do my best, Domina."

"You're good with words." She stated.

"I try." I told her.

"Your mother was the same." She said as a surprise. "She always said the right thing."

"If I may, despite everything that has happened, you are a wise and wonderful woman. Dominus is lucky to have wed you and we are lucky to have you as our Domina." I told her, feeling bold but sure in my words.

"Gratitude." Domina smiled. "Now go."

"Yes, Domina." I smiled and went to fetch Mira.

Gathering baskets, Mira and I set to market with two guards to watch over us. Weaving through the crowds, we went from merchant to merchant, looking at everything the market had to offer. It took only a few flower carts to find a selection worth purchasing. Happy to be out of the villa, I took advantage of it, moving with leisure as I sought out anything that might fancy my Domina.

"These look amazing." Mira smiled when we'd found the produce cart. "Domina will be pleased."

"Strawberries." I smiled. Only it wasn't just the berries, it was plums, and grapes, and even pears. "We'll take it all." I grinned at the merchant.

"Are you sure?" He frowned.

"I am good for it. I promise you." I smiled at him, pulling out enough coin to cover it.

"Who do you serve?" He asked.

"The house Batiatus." I smiled.

"Ah, that house has seen much fortune as of late." The merchant smiled.

"Yes, and we are all better for it." I replied.

Gathering the food, we made our way back through the market, picking up random items along the way. We both saw things that we desired, knowing that we would never own such things, but found pleasure in imagining what it would be like.

I was admiring a gold necklace, an emerald hanging from it, when a voice spoke from directly behind me. A voice that made ice run through my veins. "That would look beautiful around your neck."

"Ashur." I said coldly, trying not to let my immediate fear show.

"Despite living under the same roof, I have hardly seen you of late." He told me as he brushed his fingers across my shoulder blade.

"Do not touch me." I said jerking away from his touch.

His hand gripped my side painfully. "One day I will have you all to myself." He said as he pressed himself against my back.

"Get away from me." I told him, elbowing him in the ribs, turning and shoving him away from me.

"You know you want to feel my cock inside of you." He said stepping up to me, reaching his hand up to my face.

Turning to avoid his touch, Mira was suddenly at my side. "Do not touch her." She shot at him, slapping his hand away from me. Shoving him, she stood her ground between us. "Go home, Ashur."

"I'd like to talk to Lea." He told my friend.

"But Lea doesn't want to talk to you." Another male voice said with authority. Looking up into the face of Caius Laelius Sulla, I couldn't help but smile, all my fear melting away. "Leave now or you will have to answer to me." He told Ashur with anger ever growing in his tone.

"And you escape my grasp yet again." Ashur grinned evilly at me, starting to move away from us.

"And she will never be within your reach again." Caius shot after him as he walked away. As soon as he was out of sight, Caius's hands were on my arms, leading me around the corner to a quiet ally, his eyes full of concern as they met mine. "Are you all right?"

"Would it be inappropriate to ask for your embrace?" I asked him with a short laugh.

He laughed lightly before wrapping me in his arms, pressing me close against his chest. Putting my arms around him, I gripped him as hard as I could, grateful for what he had done for me. His comfort more than I could ask for but was well received in this moment. His arms were strong around me, his touch warm and gentle as he ran his hand down my hair and back.

"Gratitude." I told him still holding him tightly.

"He did not harm you, did he?" He asked pulling me away from him, taking my head in his hands.

"No." I smiled at him. "Thanks to Mira and you."

"Good." He smiled, gently brushing my cheek with his thumb.

"If you had not come I fear I wouldn't have been able to stop him." Mira told him with a thankful smile.

"I'm glad I was here." He told her. "For not only Lea's sake but for yours as well. Though I feel as if the two of you could handle yourselves without the presence of a man."

"Ashur is no man." I stated coldly. "He is a monster. One that lives under the same roof and has tried much more than what you've just seen."

"Then I insist on letting me escort you home." He told me.

"Not necessary." I told him. "We have two guards with us. Though I'm unsure of where they are at the moment."

"All the more reason to allow me to accompany you." He stated matter-of-factly.

"As you wish." I smiled up at him.

"Come, let's gather your things and get you home safely." He smiled back, wrapping his arm around my waist again. Gathering the baskets we'd left behind, we made our way from market, being led to Caius's coach, helping us inside of it.

"This was very kind of you. Gratitude." Mira told him after we had set off.

"It's the least I can do." Caius smiled at her. "Especially for the two of you. I've thought of you often since our last encounter." Looking up at him, I found his eyes upon me. "And now I know your name."

"Yes, use it wisely." I smiled at him.

"It's a beautiful name." He told me gently. "Lea."

"Caius." I smiled up at him, feeling a burning blush in my cheeks.

"You should only ever be treated with kindness." He added. "Never to feel the hardness of anger."

All the while he spoke he kept his distance from me, despite having sat next to me with Mira across from us. He was a gentleman. He was as proper as any Roman I've met and yet held more kindness than I've ever known. He was unlike any man I had ever met, making me watch him with curious eyes and even an undertone of longing. Varro was slipping farther and farther from reach and yet now I held the gaze of a noble Roman who seemed unable to take his eyes off of me.

"I am but a slave and am treated as such." I finally told him, pushing all thoughts of him from mind.

"To me you would never be a slave. Your beauty should not be wasted in such a position. If you were mine you would be free." He replied confidently.

"You flatter, sir." I told him. "I am not worthy of such flattery."

"None that you're willing to accept." He stated with a sad tone.

Too soon we were at the gates and the coach was let into the ludus grounds. Soon Dominus was among us while Domina watched from the balcony. Caius exited first, holding out his hand to help Mira and myself from inside, our baskets still in hand. Reaching for the last that sat on the floor of the coach, Caius stopped me, picking up the basket himself.

"May I ask how you came to accompany my slaves?" Dominus asked of Caius.

"There was a near misfortune at market and I simply wished to see them home safely." The young Roman told him, his hand against my lower back as he led me toward my Dominus.

"Ah, and who might you be?" Dominus asked.

"Caius Laelius Sulla." He said with a subtle bow. "And you are Quintus Batiatus, the owner of the greatest gladiators in the Republic."

"I am." Dominus said but was now smiling. "Well, you must come in for some wine in gratitude for your services."

"Much appreciated." Caius smiled, following my Dominus with me still at his side.

Going to the triclinium, Caius took the baskets from mine and Mira's hands and handed them to the lingering house slaves. I was starting to feel anxious as Caius sat me down on a lounge, something I've never been allowed to do, turning to Dominus with a smile on his face after doing the same of Mira.

"You seem to hold a soft spot for my slaves." Dominus stated with a crease forming across his brows.

"They are still women." He smiled at him.

"They are slaves." Dominus said, the smile gone from his face.

This wasn't going well. Looking at Caius, I saw him tense as he folded his hands in front of him, shifting his shoulder as if building up for something. "Caius, it's all right." I said standing, putting my hand on his arm, getting a glare from Dominus. "Mira and I are home and we're safe. Gratitude for your assistance but we should return to our duties." I told him seeing Dominus's expression harden further. "Please." I whispered, meeting Caius's eyes.

"Do we have a problem?" Domina said finally showing herself.

"No." I told her. "This is Caius Laelius Sulla. He escorted Mira and me from market."

"Where she was attacked by one of your other slaves." Caius told them.

"Don't." I told him harshly.

"Ashur?" Domina asked with a raised brow.

"He has continued his advances." I told her with lowered eyes.

"To your chambers." Domina commanded. "Both of you."

"Domina." Mira and I said together before quickly leaving.

Pausing once I was behind my masters, I turned and met Caius's eyes. I was worried for him, but he gave me a smile that lasted only a second, letting me know that he was going to be all right. I hoped it was so. This may only have been my second encounter with him but I knew that he was a good man. Rare in the world of Romans. Lifting my hand in a goodbye, I disappeared, quickly rushing to my room, finding Naevia inside.

"What's happened?" She asked.

"Something unexpected." I told her. There wasn't time for more words when Domina came rushing into the room. "Domina." I said as fear once again filled me at the hardness of her expression.

"What are you doing?" She shot at me.

"I'm not doing anything." I told her.

"What were you doing with him?" She shot back.

"He simply lent his assistance when he saw Ashur advancing on me." I replied honestly. "He insisted that he escort us home."

"You were far too friendly with him and he seems far, far, to interested in you." She told me on the verge of yelling.

"I've met him once before when I went to market before the Roman women came." I stated. "He's kind."

"He's above your station!" She yelled slowly, leaning toward me. "Out of reach! Put him from mind!"

"He was never in my mind, Domina." I told her trying to make her see. "It was simply a coincidence." Sighing exasperatedly, she straightened herself and looked down at me. "I never meant to anger you or Dominus. Apologies if I have made a mistake. It was unintentional." I told her with sincerity.

"You're becoming more trouble than you're worth." Domina told me harshly. "With Ashur and with the gladiators. You used to be a prized slave and now I'm beginning to feel you've grown too bold. Maybe the mines would do better with a strong will like yours."

"Apologies, Domina." I cried, falling to my knees at her feet. "I know my place. Yes, I too fear that boldness has started to take hold of me but I would never do anything to jeopardize my place in this house. I love this house and my masters. I will not disappoint you in the future. I will once again be that prized slave." Tears were streaming as I pleaded to my Domina. Talk such as this would only cause me pain. I wouldn't survive in the mines and I wanted nothing more than to remain in this house. "Please, Domina."

"Get up." She told me. Quickly standing, I looked at her tentatively, my cheeks wet with tears. "I believe you." She said with a genuine smile. "I've always known you were bolder than the other slaves. Until now I've reined you in nicely. If you promise to not get into any more trouble I will forget this ever happened."

"I promise, Domina. A thousand times I promise." I told her with a jagged breath.

"Remain in your chambers for the rest of the night. No supper. Tomorrow we will begin anew." She told me and left, calling Naevia behind her. Naevia looked at me sadly but quickly followed.

Dropping onto my bed, I broke down, covering my mouth with my hand to quiet the sobs. Lying down, I cried myself to sleep, hoping to sleep till morning and forget that this day even happened. Forget the kindness of a noble and the faintest feeling of freedom. Forget Varro and our moments together and embrace my life as it was before. Without distraction and only the will to please my masters. With all of me I wished I could return to that. If only I could forget. If only I had lived without knowing love and kindness. For I am a slave and will forever be a slave. Nothing can change that. I needed to accept it and move on. Domina was all that mattered. Pleasing her was my life and now I would be sure to prove it to her every day of the remainder of my life.


	14. To Be Indifferent

_**Chapter Thirteen: To Be Indifferent**_

Moving with purpose, I sought to everything in the villa, as always, making sure that it was perfect. I spoke only when needed and kept my mind on task until it was finished, making sure that I had another to focus on next. When my tasks ran out I was diligent to my Domina, tending to her every need, no matter how large or small it was. Soon, Ilithyia came calling, interrupting Domina as she dealt with her end of the finances.

"I really cannot believe the difference." Ilithyia said as she looked at the artwork on the wall. "When I first visited your home, I felt great sorrow for the woman forced to live in such conditions. Now look at you, surrounded by opulence rivaling families of proper heritage."

Every time she spoke like that I wanted to slap her and tell her that Domina was twice the woman that proper heritage produced. They were vulgar and spoiled and couldn't appreciate what they had. Domina knew what she had and knew what work it took to get here. She was above Ilithyia and her brood of cunts.

"Trinkets merely, not nearly so valuable as your friendship." Domina told her, always flattering her to keep her close to breast.

"You have many new friends of late. You and Licinia seem quite at ease with one another." Ilithyia stated. I could hear the manipulation on her tongue.

"Gratitude for the introduction. Would you care for some wine or…?"

"Wine will not still my thoughts. I prattle on with pleasantries, but…I cannot pretend indifference to what you revealed about Licinia."

"I revealed nothing. You jumped to conclusions." Domina stated as she attempted to disarm Ilithyia once again.

"And landed on proper footing. Ever since, I can think of nothing else."

"With respect, Licinia's passions are her own concern."

"My mind falls not to Licinia. It is filled with baser thoughts – the vision of brutish hands being laid upon me in a manner quite lacking in my husband's touch. I should not speak of such things. I dishonor myself." Ilithyia said but it was obvious that she wanted it. She wanted to sleep with one of our gladiators.

"Your desires should not shame you. You are a woman. Our needs are vast." Domina smiled at her.

"I must put my mind from it."

"To the purpose of distraction?"

"Preferred to discovery. Such a thing would ruin my husband and taint my father's name." Ilithyia said as if offended.

"Such concerns are voice by all those who sample our wares. Can you name any, save Licinia?"

"I have heard of none."

"No. You have not." She said proving her point. "Should I make the arrangements?"

"Yes."

"You will not be disappointed. May I suggest Varro?"

My head shot up at the name, instantly jealous of him even being mentioned to a cunt like Ilithyia. Starting to shake from the sudden onset of anger, Naevia had to put her hand on my back to calm me.

"Varro? No, far too common." She replied. Naevia gripped my arm as I impulsively moved forward to defend him. "The man must equal the risk – a fact well known by your own desires, ones that I admittedly share."

It was Naevia's turn to react. Ilithyia was talking of Crixus. She had eyes for him since she first came to this house and now she was asking to lay with him. Something that neither Naevia nor Domina would let happen. I could see it in Domina's eyes; she was already fighting the urge to speak against it. But she wouldn't if it meant damaging her reputation and relationship with Ilithyia.

Domina played her part until Ilithyia left once evening fell. Going straight to her chambers, she paced as her anger started to bubble toward the surface. Wanting to give her privacy, we waited outside, there if she needed us but otherwise out of sight. We waited until we heard her angry yells and the smashing of pots. Rushing into the room, we had to duck as she threw another pot against the wall along with the busts that her wigs rested on.

"Domina." Naevia said getting her attention.

"Get out, you filthy slaves!" She screamed at us.

We both turned and fled from the room, seeking refuge in ours. Sitting down on my bed, I took her hand as we listened to the muffled voices of Domina and Dominus. Meeting each other's eyes we shared a silent moment, worried about our master.

"Now would be a good time to tell me what happened in the market." Naevia said gently.

"It was nothing. Ashur advanced on me and Caius stopped him. He insisted that he escort us home so I let him." I told her.

"There has to be more to it than that." She said as if knowing I was holding back.

"Caius, he…" I started. "He's kind. He treats me as an equal. He even was bold enough to say that if I was his I would be free."

"He would take you away from here?" She frowned at me.

"No." I said shaking my head. "Not after he was deemed unwelcome yesterday. Dominus and Domina did not appreciate the way he spoke of Mira and me as if we were not slaves. Wanting us taken care of by our masters and not the other way around. He's nothing like any Roman I have ever met. He's as handsome on the inside as he is on the outside." I smiled at my sister. "And he instantly seemed drawn to me. Like I am drawn to Varro. But it's a nice feeling. To be wanted like that."

"Varro wants you." Naevia told me with a smile.

"No." I said realizing that I hadn't told her yet. "He's sought redemption with his wife. We're no longer together in any sense."

"Lea." She said sadly, wrapping her arm around me.

"He always had a choice to make. He chose his wife." I told her with a smile.

"There may still be a chance." She smiled reassuringly.

"Maybe." I told her. "But after everything I'm not sure I want there to be. After what happened yesterday and the way Domina reacted, it scares me to think of what she would do if she found out that I am in love with a gladiator."

"Perhaps you are right." She said trailing her fingers through my hair.

"I don't think I can handle the pain." I said softly.

There were footsteps in the hall, making us both look up only to see a guard coming in. "Lea, Doctore has requested your presence."

Frowning, I stood and followed him, knowing where I was going, wondering what could have happened and who it had happened to. Frowning further when I was led to the solitary cells, seeing Doctore standing in front of one.

"Which one is it?" I asked as I stepped up to him. He motioned for me to look through the bars. Sighing, I stepped closer to the door and looked in to see Varro chained to the wall. His face beaten and blood tinting his blond hair. "Varro…" I said suddenly aching for him. "Open the door." I told the guard. He just looked at me. "He's injured. Open the door." He paused a moment longer before doing as he was told. Rushing forward, I gripped Varro's arm with one hand, putting my other on his neck. "Varro, what happened?" I asked. He didn't say anything. He wouldn't even meet my eyes. "Varro." I said rubbing his neck.

"Something happened to his family." Spartacus said from the doorway.

"What?" I frowned wrapping my arm around Varro's waist. "What happened?"

"He sent Ashur to seek out his family. When he got there, there were traces of blood and everyone was gone. It's unknown what has actually happened." Spartacus explained. "The news sent Varro into a bit of a frenzy."

"I see." I said releasing Varro, wrapping my arms around myself. "I'm sure she's all right. Her and your son." I told Varro. He finally looked up at me. "Everything will be all right." I said putting my hand on his face, his swollen eye causing me pain.

"You ended it." He told me with an air of disdain. "You ended it. Not me."

"Varro." I frowned at him.

"You ended it and then I see you with some Roman. His hands were all over you."

"What are you talking about?" I frowned at him, than Caius came to mind. Shaking my head, I looked at him like he was crazy. "That was nothing. He rescued me from Ashur's advances in the market and he escorted me and Mira home."

"The look on your face said otherwise." He shot at me.

"I thought this was about your wife." I frowned.

"It is." He said banging his head against the wall. "It's about not knowing what happened to her. But it's also about you not wanting me anymore. Moving on to the first man who is kind to you."

Frowning further, I was taken aback and yet pleased at the same time. He was worried and jealous. Stepping up to him, I forced him to meet my eyes. "I will always want you." I told him with certainty. "I love you, Varro. I love you more than I can say and I feel it every moment of every day. I love you for all that you are. For your virtues and your faults. There is nothing that you can say or do to make me stop loving you or to stop wanting you. I will _always _want you. I will _always_ love you. But I know my place. I know you love your wife and will be with her. Isn't it easier to end things now rather than later?"

"I love you." He told me. "I will always love you. And yes, I love my wife. I love her like I'll never love anyone but that is because it's a love I share with her. I love you like I'll never love another because it's the love I feel for you. And if the two of you were standing next to each other telling me to choose I wouldn't be able to. Is that what you want to hear? How painful it is to even think about? I am torn between two perfect women." He said and paused. "You walking away from me was harder to bear then hearing my wife was carrying another man's child. I don't know what I'm doing and you standing there, smelling like that, doesn't help any." He shot at me, anger clear in his voice and expression. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. "Do not smile at me like that." He said and averted his eyes. "I am terrified of losing her. I'm terrified of losing you. What would you have me do?"

Putting my hand on his face, I made him meet my eyes. "I want you to do what makes you happy." I told him, tears welling in my eyes. "I will be okay with whatever decision you make. As long as you're happy and alive and safe."

"I want you with me." He told me sadly.

"I want you in every way a person can be wanted." I smiled, leaning up and kissing him sweetly.

"Lea." Doctore said from the doorway.

"Okay." I said over my shoulder to him. "I should clean him."

"No. Leave him." Doctore said.

"Then why bring me down here?" I asked.

"To ease your suffering." He replied.

Nodding, I looked back at Varro, running my hand down the back of his head. "Take care of yourself."

"You too." He smiled.

Quickly leaving the cell, I made my way back to the gates to the villa. Only before I could go through them, Spartacus gripped my wrist, stopping me. Turning, he held a sad expression on his face.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Are you okay?" He frowned.

"Yes." I told him.

"I don't believe you."

"I've been getting into trouble. I need to keep my distance from everything that I want." I told him truthfully. "Domina even made comment that I am no longer of worth."

"You are more worthy than any woman still of this world." He said putting his hands on my arms. "Varro is hurting but his words are sound. If you didn't love each other so much I'd take you to my bed." He smirked.

Laughing, I shook my head at him. "No, you wouldn't."

"You're right." He nodded at me. "I wouldn't. But I might consider it."

I laughed harder, the sound of it almost foreign to my ears. It felt good to laugh. "I'm flattered." I smiled at him. "But you already have a woman coming to your bed."

"Yes." He said only now it was said with annoyance.

"Just speak with her. She's a good person." I told him.

"I just want you to know that Varro's feelings for you have never diminished."

"Gratitude."

The midday sun had already come and gone, the sounds of training still filling the air. Domina sat in the triclinium, seemingly as bored as she had been. For as many distractions as there were, it was almost as if they had been worn out. I on the other hand was full of distraction. After seeing Varro, I was unsure of what to do. It was possible that he wanted me more now than he had before. Yet, Spartacus had dispatched Mira to seek out Varro's family. Part of me wished she couldn't. Wished that they were gone and I could finally have him to myself. The other part wished that they were found, for Varro's sake.

Sighing, I followed Domina as she made her way out onto the balcony. Naevia was currently absent from sight, leaving me to tend to Domina's every need. I was pleased to serve her and yet the balcony was the last place I wanted to be. Keeping my eyes lowered, I stared at my feet, listening to the gladiators down below.

"Lea, come look at the men." Domina told me.

"Domina?" I said stepping next to her.

"What do you think of the new recruits?" She asked.

Looking down at them, my eyes moved from gladiator to gladiator. Crixus was swiftly regaining his form. He'd healed well and would soon be the Gaul that everyone knew and loved. He seemed to be quite motivated as he fought against the young German, Duro, who was thwarted at every turn. Duro was weak and hadn't learned nearly as much as the others and it was showing, much to the disapproval of Agron. Varro had been released in the same condition I had seen him in last night, rejoining Spartacus on the sand.

Thinking a moment, I finally answered my Domina, "I think the majority of them have come along nicely. Agron is exceptionally skilled and will be an asset to the ludus. However, his brother Duro is severely lacking in skill and will not last long in the arena. It will cause distraction to Agron which may hinder him if they ever fight side by side."

"Well done, Lea." She smiled at me. "What else do you see?"

Taking another moment to gather my thoughts, I answered her again, "Crixus's form has returned. It will take little time until he's at the same level that he was at before Theokoles. Spartacus remains Champion and it's not hard to see why. His form is excellent and without any other distraction he has dedicated his life to this house and the arena and it shows. Varro appears to have fallen on hard times but he's a strong gladiator and has done well for this house. The same can be said for the other gladiators on the sands. They've all come far and will make you and Dominus proud."

"You've learned much over the years." Domina commented.

"I've always enjoyed watching them start from nothing and come to know much under Doctore's tutelage. However the Games have never been something I've enjoyed watching. The bloodshed still turns my stomach at times." I replied.

"Mine as well." She smiled. "And I agree with your observations. The next few Games should be interesting."

"Agreed." I smiled at her.

There was the sound of the door opening, announcing Dominus's return. "Make yourself busy."

"Domina." I said and bowed my head before watching her go to greet her husband.

With Dominus's return, Mira returned as well. Swiftly moving to her, we walked toward the kitchen to drop off the basket of vegetables that she had returned with. As soon as it was done, I took her hand and led her back to my room.

"Well?" I asked.

"I have asked around but I haven't found them yet." She replied.

"Alright." I told her trying not to let emotion show.

She gave me a sad smile, putting her hand on my arm before she walked away. Taking a deep steadying breath, I devoted my time to readying the house. Domina had decided that tonight was the night that Licinia would come to lay with Spartacus. Mira had told her lie and now it was time for Spartacus to perform. As soon as the sun was set, I gathered the female slaves of the house, collecting the gold paint that would cover his body. He was to appear as a god, donning the mask of Jupiter himself. Waiting for his arrival, I couldn't help but notice the smile that crossed Mira's face. The look worried me. She yearned for the gladiator. Yearned for him as I yearned for Varro. A yearning that would cause her more pain than happiness. Spartacus was not ready to love again. I didn't think he would ever be ready. Sura was the love of his life and with her now gone there was only a gladiator in his heart, next to the memory of her.

"Spartacus." I smiled when he finally came into view.

The curtain closed, Spartacus looking over his shoulder before he smiled at me, placing a kiss against my cheek before wrapping me in his arms. Doing the same, I couldn't help but tense with the emotions that were going through me. Releasing him, keeping my expression blank, I rested my hand against his cheek.

"How do you fare?" He asked. My throat was too tight to reply so I simply shrugged and smiled at him, sighing as I rested my hand against his chest. "He's miserable." He told me.

Swallowing the lump in my throat I managed to reply, "It doesn't matter."

"After everything that was said, it doesn't matter?" He frowned at me.

"Come." I said taking his hand and leading him to the center of the room. "We must prepare you."

"Lea." He said concerned.

"There's nothing to say, Spartacus." I stated, starting to put the gold paint on his skin. "I have risked too much and it now outweighs the benefits. I've managed to calm Domina but I have promised that I wouldn't get into any more trouble. Everything I want will bring me trouble so I must now ignore everything that I want. Varro more than anything."

"What man did he speak of?" He asked.

"Caius." I told him. "He's a Roman who I've met twice in market. He's kind to me." Looking up, I was met with a hard frown. "No need to worry." I said finally giving him a smile. "I don't fall for every man who is kind to me. Despite what Varro thinks."

"You've eased his mind of that." He replied. "Though he fears he'll never be with you again."

"It's for the best." I told him with a sad smile.

"Best for who?" He retorted with a sad frown.

Smiling at him, I stepped back, cleaning my hands as I let the others finish covering him from his neck down to his toes. As soon as he was done, I let the slaves leave to get cleaned up, leaving only Mira and I to wait with Spartacus. I had asked Mira to leave but she had refused stubbornly. That was until the man of her affections spoke against her.

"Could you leave us?" He asked her kindly.

She looked at him as if strung by his words. Then she smiled and nodded at him, "Of course."

I frowned sadly at him as soon as she was gone, "Spartacus, there is nothing left to say."

"There is everything to say." He told me matter-of-factly.

"It's done, Spartacus." I told him forcefully. "Let him have his wife. I know you dispatched Mira to find her. Mira will do it because she feels for you. When she does, let Varro have her. I can no longer afford to love. It will only land me in the mines." He didn't say anything. "You know he'll take her back. The moment he sees her all the love he has for her will return and I will simply be the woman who warmed his bed."

"That's not true. Just because you keep saying that doesn't make it so." He told me.

"I have to believe it or I will never survive." I frowned sadly at him. "I need to let him go."

"No, you don't."

"Why can't you make this easy for me?" I shot at him. "You and your words are making this much harder than it should be."

"He is in love with you. He loves his wife but I feel as if that love is diminished compared to the love he feels for you."

"Why do you insist on torturing me?" I retorted as I shoved him. "I need you to tell me that I'm right and that he'll be with his wife."

"I will not speak with false tongue." He said stepping back up to me. "Not even to spare your feelings."

"Why not?" I told him with furrowed brows. "You said you'd protect me. Protect me now and spare me the torment of him being ripped from grasp by the face of smiling wife. Spare me the agony of him leaving these walls and living out his life with wife and son. I cannot continue my affair with him for another year only to lose him when his debt is paid. How can you ask me to put myself through such agony?"

"Because you love him." He said simply. "And I've known a love as strong as yours and I know what it feels like to have it taken away. You are not going to give up on him."

"You never wanted this to happen." I told him softly. "How did you become our biggest advocate?"

"I got to know you." He said putting his hand on my face.

Smiling, I covered his hand with mine, looking up at him with fondness. "I'd embrace you if you weren't freshly painted."

"It doesn't bother me." He told me before wrapping me in his arms.

"I love you. You're as a brother and you mean the world to me." I said softly.

"And you as a sister." He replied as he buried his face in my neck.

"Gratitude for everything you've done for me. And for Varro." I smiled as I released him.

"Gratitude for everything you've done for me as well." He stated.

For a moment we simply smiled at each other, and then were disturbed as two guards entered to collect Spartacus. Nodding at him, I placed the mask he was to wear over his head before I watched him leave, letting all my walls come down. It seemed almost instantaneous. My lip quivered and tears were already falling down my cheeks. Soon shaking set in and I sought out a dark corner to curl up in, finding one in the highest levels of the villa, a room no longer in use, musty to the smell. Sliding down the wall in a far corner, I buried my face in my knees, desperate to feel any form of release. I didn't know how things had turned so horribly upside down. For years I'd seen men come and go. For years I'd spent my days the same as I always did. Then, with the presence of one man, everything came crashing down. Why was he so different? Why did I have to feel so much? Why couldn't things go back to the way they were?

Unintentionally falling asleep, drained from heavy thoughts, I was woken by intense shouting from below. Swiftly getting to my feet, I rushed toward the sound. I knew something was wrong when the villa suddenly grew quiet. Rushing to where Spartacus was meeting Licinia, I turned the corner, freezing as I saw a furious looking Spartacus being led away before my eyes fell upon Ilithyia on the floor, Licinia lying in a pool of blood, her face nothing but gore. Covering my mouth as my eyes grew wide; I couldn't help but stare at the sight before me.

"Lea." Domina said. I was still in shock of the scene. "Lea!" She yelled. Looking up at her, my eyes were still wide with shock. "Fetch help and bring water to clean this up."

Nodding, I darted away, gathering a few house slaves before fetching water and rags to clean the blood and gore from the floor. By the time we retuned, the body was gone and all that was left was the red covering the floor. Setting to work, we spent the majority of the night erasing Licinia's presence from the villa. It wasn't hard to discern what had happened tonight. Domina's vengeful side had reared its ugly head. Ilithyia was to lay with Crixus and Domina would do anything to keep it from happening. It appeared she was willing to trick her into sleeping with Spartacus, two people who loathed each other more than any other, to keep Crixus all to herself. It was selfish and something that struck a string of fear inside of me.

"No one is to know of this." Domina told us sternly as see saw to the cleaning.

"Yes, Domina." We all said softly, unsure of what to do in this situation.

"In three days' time we will be hosting Numerius's coming of age. Every inch of this house will be cleaned. Any trace of Licinia must be removed and dealt with immediately. Never speak of this or death will be in your future."

"Yes, Domina." We all repeated.

"Lea." She said looking down at me.

"Domina?" I said standing to face her, my hands red with blood.

"Clean yourself and keep watch. I am for bed." She told me.

"Sleep well, Domina." I smiled at her.

She smiled back before leaving the room. When the sun shown over the balcony, I still stood watching exhausted slaves triple clean the floor and surrounding rooms of the villa. The house was still quiet when I deemed the cleaning complete, finally sending everyone to bed, thanking them for a job well done. Going through the house once more, I too made my way to my bed, eager to find comfort in sleep. Lying down, I looked at Naevia, seeing a happy expression on her face. Smiling, I shut my eyes and was asleep before another thought could enter my mind.


	15. If You Live, I Live

_**Chapter Fourteen: If You Live, I Live**_

Waking, feeling rested, I sat up to see the sun already past its midday point in the sky. Cleaning and dressing quickly, I left the room and hurried to Domina's chambers, ready to apologize for sleeping so long. Finding it empty, I went to the dining area, triclinium, and balcony only to find her absent.

"Where is everyone?" I asked when a familiar face was finally found.

"They are at the Games." Mira replied. Frowning, I nodded at her. "The coach is outside prepared to bring you to her."

"She wants me to attend the Games?" I frowned at her.

"It is in reward for your work last night. I was commanded to let you sleep and then to accompany you to the Games." She told me with a smile. "Come." She said holding her hand out to me.

Grinning, I took it and we were soon rushing to the coach, eager to rejoin our masters. Once we arrived, we made our way to the pulvinus, being greeted by Naevia as the sounds of gladiators and a cheering crowd filled the air.

"Good, Lea." Domina said as she turned and smiled at me. "It's about time you joined us."

"Gratitude for the opportunity, Domina." I smiled at her.

Taking my place beside Naevia, Mira behind my left shoulder, we took in the sight of the Games. Some of our gladiators had already fought but there was still plenty of game ahead. Soon Agron and Duro took to the sands to fight together. Agron was as impressive as he always was, swiftly rising in the ranks to become a gladiator to watch. Duro on the other hand was still lacking in skill and was rarely gaining ground against the gladiators they fought against. He was able to take them down but in the end it was his brother that needed to save him from the sword that was about to bury itself in his flesh. Frowning, I looked at Naevia who wore the same expression as I. We hated to see one of our own fall, even though they were weak and inexperienced.

Soon night began to fall and the torches were lit, eliminating the arena as the primus approached. I knew Spartacus would be fighting, but my heart skipped a beat as I watched Varro step onto the sands with him. They were tethered together with a long chain, set to fight half a dozen men, one who looked a giant compared to my favored men.

"Varro." I said and looked at Naevia.

"Fear not." She told me. "Spartacus will not let anything happen to him."

"He can take care of himself." I retorted. "However that does little to diminish my fear."

"He will be all right." Mira smiled as she took my hand.

"They both will." Naevia added as she took my other.

It took all of me not to rush to the front of the pulvinus to see better as the fighting started. Every time Varro was blocked from sight, my breath caught and my heart skipped a beat, not wanting to see him die but the unknown was more unbearable. As I watched they used sword, shield, and chain to defeat all of the men they fought against. The giant of a man was the last standing after dispatching all the others. There was a moments reprieve, allowing me to see the cuts and blood that littered my love's and my brother's body. With one arm wrapped around myself, my elbow of the other rested on it, my fingers pulling on my bottom lip as I grew more and more anxious.

"He's going to be all right." Naevia told me as Varro was struck to the ground.

"Come on, my love." I whispered to him, even though I knew he couldn't hear me.

Seeing Varro and Spartacus share a moment, they launched over each other, wrapping the chain around the last gladiator's neck. Rolling to their feet, they pulled the chain taut, pulling as hard as they could before there was the sound of a crack and the man's head flew free of his body. It was a gruesome sight and yet one of the best I've seen. Both men were safe, holding their arms in the air in victory. Soon they left the sands and it took all of me not to ask permission to go tend to them. Medicus would be able to take care of them for their wounds seemed minor.

When Domina stood, we moved to her side and waited for the final talk to be done, eager to return home now that the Games were over. When Domina was ready, we followed her out to the coach, helping her in before doing the same. As soon as we were home, Naevia took Domina to bathe while I set to supper. The cooks had already started and the meat smelled amazing. Setting the table, I made sure everything was ready before announcing it to my masters, slipping into the corner to wait for instruction. When none came and they had finished, Naevia and I followed her to her chambers, making sure she was set before once again making our way to our room.

"I have something to show you." Naevia told me with a smile. Smiling back, I followed her, eager to see what she had. It was clear that whatever it was it was something that she shouldn't have. "I hope this will help you." She said pulling something out from underneath the pad of her bed, opening her hand to show me a key.

"Naevia…" I said with awe as I took it from her. "This is a gate key."

She nodded and smiled. "Take it. Go ease your mind."

"I've made my decision." I told her. "Varro and I are no more."

"From what Crixus has said he is miserable without you." She told me with a sad look.

"I know." I nodded. "But it's for the best."

"Best for who?" She asked.

Spartacus had said the same thing. Nodding at her, I held the key tightly. Waiting for the villa to quiet, knowing my masters were not roaming the halls, I slipped out and went down below. Unlocking the door, I slipped through the halls until the training yard came into sight. Freezing, I saw Varro embracing and kissing another woman. His wife had been found and she had come to her husband. She was petite with long dark brown hair, beautiful eyes, small soft lips, and skin that looked like silk. She was stunning. The look of happiness on his face as he beamed down at her made my breath catch and my heart hurt like it never had before. This is what I wanted and yet seeing it was something entirely different. Staring at him only a moment longer, I turned and darted back up into the villa. Staying out of sight, I waited until the sun had set and the ludus grew quiet. Making my way back down, I swiftly crossed the training grounds and slipped inside of Spartacus's cell. He still had a candle lit, staring at the ceiling as he lay on his bed, quickly sitting up when I entered.

"Lea, what is it?" He frowned with worry.

Taking a calming breath I tried to fight the tears that were starting to threaten. "I'm glad he took her back." I finally told him.

"Come here." He said holding out his hand.

Without hesitation, I took it, letting him pull me down, lying on the bed as he wrapped me in his arms. He didn't say anything, he simply held me as I cried. Trailing his fingers through my hair, his touch was gentle and comforting. When I decided that enough tears had been spilt, I took a deep breath, hugging Spartacus tighter, running my hand up and down his back, burying my face in his chest.

"I do not have words to ease your pain." He finally told me when I'd fully calmed down.

"Nothing needs to be said." I smiled up at him. "Despite what you or even Naevia think. It truly is for the best."

"It was the first time he'd seen her in weeks. Who knows what will happen now that she's gone." He said softly.

"Did he vow to love her? Did he tell her that he'd love the baby as if it were his?" I asked, knowing that the answer would be 'yes'. When Spartacus remained silent, I sighed and rested my head against his chest again. "I thought as much."

There were footsteps, and soon a gentle knock on the door. "Spartacus, I-" Varro started as he stepped through the door, stopping at the sight of me. "Lea." He said with surprise.

Spartacus quickly stood while I quickly sat up, averting my eyes from the man that I loved. "She doesn't want to see you right now." Spartacus said blocking me from view.

"Let me talk to her. I need to explain." Varro told him.

"What do you want to say? How've you've taken your wife back and vow to love her and the child she's carrying? Anything you say right now will hurt her. She's already hurting enough." He told his brother.

"Lea, please." He said trying to get around Spartacus.

Closing my eyes as I dipped my chin, I gripped the edge of Spartacus's bed painfully, trying to keep myself from saying or doing something I'd regret.

"No, Varro." Spartacus told him, shoving him gently. "You made your choice. Now you have to live with it. It's the same choice that she made. She knew you'd take her back. You were blind and now you see. Don't hurt Lea any more than you already have."

"I never meant to hurt her." He replied depressingly. "I never want her to hurt."

"Too late." I shot at him, looking up to see the blue of his eyes, the oceans that were drowning me. "Looking at you hurts. _Breathing_ hurts knowing that I must give you up. But we both know that it's for the best."

"It may be for the best but do you not think that I hurt as well?" He retorted.

Stepping next to Spartacus, I frowned up at him, "Just go, Varro. Win and return to the wife who is happily waiting for you. I will be fine."

"You run to Spartacus and not to me?" He said looking at me. "You should have come to me so we could break words on the subject."

"I needed comfort, Varro." I told him. "I saw you with her and it broke my heart. I needed comfort and Spartacus is like a brother and I needed him. I couldn't face you. I didn't want to."

My words seemed to have finally found their home as he looked at me with a sort of defeat. "Apologies." He said with a soft voice. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

"And I never meant to love you as much as I do." I told him with dry eyes. "But I feel as if you've already fallen on the sands and I'm left to grieve you. Instead I grieve a man who returns to wife's loving embrace. Though the pain is just the same for it is still I who remains alone."

"You don't have to be alone." He told me with a flash of hope.

"And live in the shadow of dearest wife?" I shot at him. "Don't think me fool enough to be considered second. I want all of you. I cannot have what I want. It is less painful now to let you go than to live with the pain of indifference later. I will mean little when the child comes and you are once again in the role of father. Lovers aren't needed once the glow of an infant sets in."

"It wouldn't be that way." He told me.

"Yes it would!" I yelled at him. "You may not see it but I know you better than you think I do. Better than you know me."

"Not true." He frowned leaning toward me.

"Varro, I think you should go." Spartacus said gently pushing him back as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Apologies." He repeated.

Varro looked at the two of us, nodding, before he turned and walked away. Sitting back down on the bed, Spartacus knelt in front of me, taking my hands in his. Even though my eyes were dry, I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

"You're shaking." Spartacus said softly.

"I love him." I told him with emotion. "I love him so much."

"I know." He said sadly.

"I hate that this is happening."

"It will be all right." He said running his hand down my hair.

Nodding, I took a deep steading breath, "I should return to the villa."

"Stay here for a while longer and then I'll escort you to the gates. I have a feeling Varro will be lingering." He told me with a small smile.

Nodding again, I laid back down, Spartacus crawling over me to lie next to me. Moving against his side, I wrapped my arm around him as I rested my head against his chest. Putting his arm around me, he gently trailed his fingers up and down my arm, soothing me to sleep.

Waking to Spartacus's voice, I smiled up at him when he told me it was time to go. Sitting up, wiping sleep from my eyes, I followed him as he walked from his cell. Leading me to the gates, I took the key and let myself out.

"Where did you get that?" He frowned.

"A friend." I smiled.

He nodded, placing a kiss against my cheek. "Be safe."

"You too." I told him, running my hand down his arm before I walked away.

Going to my bed, I fell asleep quickly, finding a moments peace thanks to Spartacus, the Bringer of Rain. Though morning came that much sooner and Naevia was gently shaking me awake. Without saying anything, I got up and made ready before following her to Domina's chambers. Ilithyia was going to be arriving before midday, making me once again on task of seeing the house was ready to receive guests. Though as soon as the Roman woman arrived we were set to task on other things, leaving Domina to speak with Ilithyia alone. She was having a hard time dealing with what she had done. I couldn't imagine what she was going through. I'd never move past that kind of blood on my hands.

The day passed quicker than I had expected, exhaustion coming as swiftly as the sun set. I was walking as if asleep by the time we were finally released for the night. Slowly walking toward my room, I found my waist gripped and I was being pulled into the shadows, hands against my hips, pressing me against the wall. Startled, I was now alert, looking up into the face of Ashur.

"What do you want?" I asked him coldly but without fear. I was too tired to deal with him right now. Too depressed.

"Just once I want to feel you inside of me." He said longingly as he gripped me underneath my chin.

"Let go of me." I demanded through clenched teeth.

"Just once." He said as his eyes fell on my lips.

"I will not say it again."

Leaning against me, for a moment I thought his weight would be too much for me to take. Then I remembered everything I had lost and was infused with the fury that had been building up inside of me. While there was still enough space, I slammed my head against his, making him stumble back just enough for me to knee him in the groin, his face meeting the same knee as he hunched over in pain.

"I've had enough with men trying to tell me what to do. I've had enough of men all together." I told him as he got to his feet. Stepping up to him, he frowned hard at me as he breathed heavily. "Never will you touch me again." I told him, punching him hard across the jaw. "I will kill you next time." I said and I hit him again, his lip cracking, blood falling from it. "Never again." I said and punched him once more before strutting off to my room, proud of this accomplishment. When I got to the room, rubbing the pain in my hand, Naevia was waiting for me. "Hello."

"How are you doing?" She asked. "You came in very late this morning."

"I was with Spartacus." I sighed as I sat next to her. She looked at me with a worried look. "I was looking for comfort and he gave me that." She took my hand and squeezed it tightly. "Varro appeared and wanted to explain, but I couldn't let him. I didn't want to hear him say he loved me and that we could still be together. It'll hurt more to lose him later."

"Maybe you're right." She said with a small smile as she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Maybe it is for the best."

Smiling sadly, I nodded at her. "But I'll always love him."

"Maybe you'll run into Caius again and you can ask him to save you from this place." She smiled leaning into me.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head at her, "I could never leave you."

"You could if it meant you would be free." She stated.

"Not without you." I told her with seriousness. "Maybe he could free both of us."

"It would be a miracle."

"One well deserved."

"Only I do not think I'd be able to save Crixus." She stated.

"Maybe he could save him too."

"A dream worth dreaming." She smiled wrapping her arm around me. "You should sleep."

"I agree." I smiled, kissing her cheek before going to my bed, lying down and falling asleep quickly.

* * *

Preparations were swiftly being sought to when Calavius and his family arrived. Numerius was to spend the day training with Spartacus as a part of the celebration of his becoming a man. The boy was as if a sponge as he absorbed every word Spartacus spoke to him. He even witnessed an intense fight between Crixus and Duro, the young gladiator refusing to give up until he could stand no more. It was painful to watch for many, though the boy found it exciting. Crixus too found joy in Duro's pain, feeling his status changing with every defeat he made.

There was no time for me to worry about gladiators. I had my own concerns that needed to be dealt with. Mira was quiet and donning a freshly split lip. She had yet to explain the cause of it, but Hector, one of the guards, was also donning an injury, crisscrossed burns across the side of his face. It wouldn't be hard to see him being the cause of her small but infuriating injury.

"It's my fault." Naevia said sadly as she handed me a glass of water, her eyes on Mira.

"How is it your fault?" I frowned as I drank the water happily.

"I took the key from Hector." She told me. "He's been trying to find who did it. Questioning some of the slaves."

"And you think he hurt Mira to see if she knew what came of it?" I frowned harder.

"I'm certain of it." She stated. "He's already confronted me about it. I managed to divert him but it's only a matter of time."

"Does Mira know?" I asked. She shook her head. "That's probably for the best."

There was a melancholy that seemed to move through the villa, while the gladiators seemed to remain untouched. There was laughter in between the sparing. Recognizing the sound, knowing that it belonged to Varro. Spartacus as well. I wondered what the Bringer of Rain had said to his friend to have such a sound leave his lips. He had seemed so depressed just two nights ago and now his laughter filled the air. It was painful at first, but then the sound started to make me feel warm and I found myself smiling. It was one of my favorite sounds of my life. Despite everything I still loved everything his was, his laugh a reminder of that.

It was the house slaves that were feeling the pressure. Making the house presentable for the upcoming guests while several of us had experienced misfortune as of late. Mira, Naevia, and I among them, others among us. This house used to feel safe and calm and happy. Now there was a shift and there was now the sense of greed and treachery. All the while we are to remain silent except when spoken to. Our opinions didn't matter for we were not human. We were nothing but property to them. There were times I wondered how we managed to get treated as well as we did.

"Lea." Domina said with a raised brow, the sun beginning to set.

"Domina." I said with a bow of my head.

"The guests are beginning to arrive. Bring out the appetizers and wine. I want them well satisfied throughout the evening."

"Yes, of course, Domina." I replied quickly before rushing off.

"Lea." She said stopping me. I turned to look at her. "I expect no mistakes tonight. If anything should go wrong there will be consequences."

"Understood." I told her as a feeling of dread filled me.

Feeling Domina knew more than she was letting on, I set myself to the task given; making sure everything was in place before the first guest entered the villa. I found it easier when the villa was full of people. There was always something that needed to be done and I was on top of everything throughout the evening. Numerius had learned much during his time with Spartacus and was eager to show his friends who had come to the celebration. It still amazed me how they thought these young boys men. They were still children in my eyes. Coming of age meant little if they lacked the respect that adulthood required. Proven as his childish whims were carried out without question throughout the evening.

All the while it wasn't just us house slaves that were entertaining the guests. The gladiators as well were standing in wait for everyone's viewing pleasures. I felt Varro's eyes on me continuously. Spartacus's as well, knowing that the champion was my biggest supporter despite the closeness between him and Varro. On the sands they stood as one but when it came to me, Spartacus was my protector from the pain that came with heartbreak. He had given me much during this time of great pain. Though Varro's face was pain stricken whenever I dared look at him, never meeting his eyes in fear of drowning in their blue, leading me back to his arms.

"Are you well?" Domina asked as Dominus prepared for the exhibition match to honor Numerius.

"Yes, Domina." I told her with a small smile.

"Good." She said and gave an even small one in return. "It's going well."

"Gratitude." I told her before quickly making my way through the crowd to make sure everyone's glass was full before the match began.

Soon Dominus was addressing the crowd and we awaited the announcement of Spartacus and Crixus. Only the boy we were honoring spoke up, asking that Varro take Crixus's place in the match. As soon as the words were out of his mouth I was immediately filled with concern. Why would he want Varro to fight Spartacus? Why Varro? What happened today that would make him change his mind about seeing the two Champions of Capua fight against each other? Varro meant the world to me but he wasn't as skilled as Spartacus or Crixus. He was close to it but he was still second best. All those questions and more started to swarm my brain, shaking coming over me as I looked to Varro, that goofy half-smile on his face. His eyes met mine and a slight frown appeared as he took in my expression. Winking, the smile was back on his face and he grinned at Spartacus, sharing words as they took to the square patch of floor where the match would take place.

"What's happening?" Naevia asked stepping up to me, gripping my hand.

"I don't know." I whispered with a shuddering breath.

"Do not worry. This is just in exhibition." She told me reassuringly.

"Then why do I feel like something terrible is about to happen?" I said keeping my eyes on Varro.

Taking their places, my heart felt like it stopped when the first blow was struck, agonizing pain filling my chest. Both landed blow after blow, spilling enough blood to make it exciting for the crowd. Varro cut Spartacus, it looked deep yet they kept the smiles on their faces and continued to fight. Spartacus got the upper hand and punched Varro, making the corner of his bottom lip bleed, a small line of blood falling from it. The match ended with Varro on his knees and Spartacus's sword against his shoulder. Both laughed lightly as Varro lifted his two fingers in surrender, looking to Numerius for the decision of life or death to be granted. For a moment I relaxed, thankful that the match was over. Then there was a murmur in the crowd and I finally tore my eyes from Varro, looking to Numerius who held his thumb downward. Death.

"No." I said and took a step forward only to have Naevia hold me back.

"Wait." She whispered. "Dominus will not let this happen."

Looking to our Dominus he too held a shocked expression. "Apologies, I thought this match just exhibition."

"Give the boy what he wants. I'll reimburse you for the man's worth." Calavius told him.

Feeling as if my chest was going to cave in, I looked at Varro. He had already been looking at me, my eyes locking onto his. Shaking my head, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Looking at Dominus, I saw him nod at Spartacus to proceed. Needing to say it when Spartacus didn't move. The look on his face was pure torment. Varro smiled at me, making me ache that much more. Shaking my head, my eyes dry, I fought the decision that I was about to make.

"Proceed." Dominus repeated, only for Spartacus to subtly shake his head.

"Father." Numerius said looking at Calavius.

"Batiatus, do we have a problem?" Calavius asked.

"No, of course not." Batiatus smiled before frowning at Spartacus.

A moment later there were guards surrounding the pair. If Spartacus didn't do what he was commanded then both would pay the price. Tears were in both their eyes as the reality of what was happening sank in. Varro met my eyes once more, a loving smile on his lips, than looked up at Spartacus. He was speaking, I couldn't make out the words, but I knew what they were when I saw Spartacus subtly shake his head again, the tears intensifying in his eyes. It was as if in slow motion, watching as Varro reached up for the sword, knowing that he was going to sacrifice himself to protect the people he loved. Only in the same moment, I tore through the crowd, shoving guests' aside, before a guard, launching myself at Varro. Knocking him out of the way, there was pain across my shoulder blade as Spartacus's sword scrapped across it. Rolling to my feet, I grabbed the sword of a surprised guard, holding it at the ready as I turned and faced the guards, the crowds shocked faces behind them. Wide eyes were everywhere as I looked for anyone who tried to stop me.

"Lea." Varro said from the ground where he was slowly moving to his knees. "Stop this."

"This is not going to happen." I told him, though it was loud enough for all to hear. "You are not going to die to amuse a spoiled child." There were gasps from the crowd at my defiance.

"Lea." Domina said stepping forward, her expression as shocked at the others.

"Apologies." I told her with a sad expression. "But this cannot happen."

In the next moment the guards doubled and I dropped the sword, letting myself be taken by both arms. The same was done to Spartacus and Varro. Yet my goal had been met, no one was killed.

"Lea, what did you do?" Varro asked as we were all pulled through the halls.

"Did you honestly think I was going to just stand there and watch you die?" I shot at him.

"You ended it!" He yelled.

"Shut up!" Hector, the guard, yelled before striking me, sending me to the floor.

"Leave her alone!" Varro yelled, yanking himself free, hitting Hector before pulling me to my feet. "You should not have interfered!" He yelled giving me a jerk.

"I love you." I told him as I took his face in my hands. "I'd rather die than see any harm come to you."

The tears sprang back into his eyes before we were pulled apart, being taken in different directions. Both of us called out for the other. The men were taken down below to the solitary cells. I was taken to a small, empty, square room, two guards standing watch as I waited for my fate to be decided. As I waited, I couldn't help but smile. Varro was alive and with any luck we would simply be punished for our actions. Though it would depend on how furious Calavius was about what happened. When I finally heard footfalls, my heart started to race and then Domina was standing in front of me.

For several moments she simply looked at me, intensifying my anxiousness. "Apologies, Domina, but I could not let him die." I told her, breaking the silence.

"How long?" She asked. I frowned at her. "How long have you been in love with the gladiator?"

"Several months." I told her.

"For years you've seen gladiators come and go and all of a sudden one catches your fancy and you throw your whole life away." She said calmly, too calmly.

"I didn't mean for it to happen." I told her. "But I will not apologize for it."

"And you love him." She stated. It wasn't a question.

"More than anything." I replied.

"More than your own life?" She asked with a raised brow.

"If that's what it takes to keep him alive." I replied with conviction. She nodded at me with an unreadable expression. "What is to come of him?" I asked.

"Do you not care what is going to come of you?" She asked.

"No." I said stepping closer to her, feeling the sting of tears for the first time. "I beg of you, Domina, please tell me what is to happen to him."

She eyed me with a raised brow before she sighed. "He will be punished for his involvement. As many lashes as Dominus sees fit. But he will survive to see another day."

"Gratitude." I beamed at her. "Gratitude."

A moment of silence fell between us. I couldn't help but feel an immense happiness knowing that he would live. That's all that mattered to me. "As for you." Domina said with a cold tone, making my smile fade. Taking a deep breath, I awaited her judgment. "You will receive lashes as well. The pair of you will watch as the other is punished." Nodding at her, a tear slid down my cheek. "Afterward, you will be leaving the ludus, being sold to the first offer made."

"Sold?" I frowned at her. "Domina…"

"This was that last I could take from you." She told me. "You are too bold and you think yourself too free. That will not be the case with your next master."

"Domina, please." I said gripping her hand.

She smiled at me before pulling her hand away. "You've been one of the most favored slaves I've ever had. I've appreciated everything you've done for me and for this house. But love has ruined your standing and now you must pay the price of it." All I could do was nod at her. "Apologies, Lea. Truly." With that she turned and walked away.

Stepping back until I felt the wall, I slid down it, hugging my knees to my chest, awaiting my punishment. Lashes and then I would leave this house forever. Gently hitting my head against the wall, I let the tears that had been brimming to fall, soaking my cheeks and dripping from my chin.


	16. My Punishment

**Disclaimer: Nothing from Spartacus belongs to me. What you do not recognize does.**

**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! They have really pushed me to keep it going, making it a constant exciting story to write! I'm in love with the story and with you guys! Hopefully you'll enjoy the chapter! LOVE YOU GUYS!**

* * *

_**Chapter Fifteen: My Punishment**_

Walking in the center of four guards, we walked down to the sand where posts had been raised, chains attached to keep us in place. I'd been stripped of my blue and now wore a russet dress no better than rags. My skin was dirty from my empty cell, blood dried along the length of my back from the long cut on my shoulder blade. I felt the beginning stages of festering but knew that more wounds would be inflicted presently.

Varro was already on the sand, wringing his hands in anticipation of what was to come. Spartacus stood next to him with a solemn expression. Two guards stood watch over them. It appeared as if all other gladiators remained absent. Unsure whether that meant they were forced to or none wished to witness the whipping of a woman and brother. Stepping onto the sands, Varro froze and looked at me, all happiness gone from his face. There was such pain in his eyes and the lines of his mouth. It was painful to see and yet all I had for him was a smile. A smile to show him that I wasn't afraid. A smile to tell him that it didn't matter because he yet drew breath. For I wasn't being mendacious when I said that it didn't matter. As long as he lived I could die today and would be happy. All I'd want would be to see him smile once more.

"Lea." Domina said stepping up to me, a crying Naevia standing behind her.

"Domina." I replied with a small smile. "Gratitude for everything you've given me. All I have in my life is because of you."

"You are too kind." She told me. "Especially for what's about to happen to you."

Nodding, I still kept my smile, "I am at peace with what's to happen. As long as he lives, I am at peace."

Nodding, I was surprised to see emotion crossing her face. "I will see that he remains of this world."

"You would do that?" I frowned at her. "Why?"

"Because despite everything that has happened, I don't think I've ever found myself respecting a slave." She told me with a raised brow. "I will deny ever saying this."

"I'll never tell." I grinned at her.

"You are rare, Lea." She said softly. "Good luck."

"Gratitude." I smiled at her.

"Take a moment." She said turning to Naevia.

Naevia had her arms around me a second later, crying into my shoulder as if I were dying, soon followed by cries within the ludus. The laments of a Gaul. Crixus. Furrowing my brows at the sound, I wrapped her in my arms and attempted to comfort her, though I knew none would come. This had always been a risk. At the very beginning we knew it could end like this, but it didn't matter. Varro was alive and that was all that mattered. As long as he was alive I didn't care what happened to me.

"I love you, sister." I smiled. She could not speak through her tears. "It will be all right." I told her, taking her head in my hands. She shook her head. "Yes." I said putting my mouth next to her ear. "Love Crixus. Never let him go." She nodded at me. "I will see you again." She nodded. Kissing her forehead, I moved around her, stepping up to Dominus.

He nodded at me before saying, "Lea will be going first."

"No, Dominus." Varro said stepping forward, Spartacus' hand on his arm, ready to restrain him if necessary. "Please, I can go first."

Dominus motioned to the guards who quickly took my arms and led me to the posts, fastening my arms. Taking a deep breath, I tried to let everything around me fall away. This was going to hurt more than anything I'd ever felt before. I couldn't afford to feel.

"Lea!" Varro yelled fighting against Spartacus.

"Don't!" I yelled back. "You can't stop this."

"I love you." He said and smiled at me.

To see him smile made this all worth it. Made it more bearable. "And I love you." I smiled back. "More than I'll love anything in this life or any that follows."

"Forgive me." He said softly.

Before I could answer, Dominus called, "Doctore, get on with it."

"Dominus." He replied before stepping in front of me. "Lea."

"I'm ready." I told him.

"Embrace the pain." He told me.

"I'm ready." I repeated.

Putting his hand on my face, he looked down at my sadly, "Apologies for what I'm about to do."

"I do not blame you." I smiled. "It needs to be done." He just looked at me, the sadness growing. "Oenomaus, everything will be all right. Gratitude for everything you've done for me."

"You are to be sold." He said with a quiet voice.

"I know." I smiled. "I knew what I was doing when I started this. Love has lifted me and I am not ashamed. I have known the greatest love and will endure everything that comes with it."

He finally gave me a small smile. "You are the strongest woman I've ever met."

"In this moment yes." I told him. "I don't think I'll be able to keep that up in the next."

"Get on with it!" Dominus yelled.

Doctore stepped around me and I heard the whip unravel from his hand. Taking a deep breath, I tried to harden myself for what was to come. I would be strong for Varro, for Spartacus, for Naevia and Mira. I would be strong for myself. Only when the first blow came, a scream erupted from my throat so swiftly for a moment I didn't think it came from me. I knew it would hurt but this was unbearable. This was more intense than I'd ever imagined. Another scream ripped from my throat as the whip crossed my back a second time, making me arch as my head fell back against my shoulders. My scream filled the air as tears streamed down my face, my breathing jagged as I tried to catch it between each lash. Nearly a dozen lashes had been given, leaving me lying limp against my restraints and my throat raw from screaming. Lifting my head during a small reprieve, I looked at Varro, seeing him on his knees with tears on his cheeks. Smiling, I took deep breaths before screaming again as another lash tore into my back. Crixus's screams mixed with mine as if he too endured the pain, the sound oddly comforting, knowing that I was mourned for. Something a slave rarely receives. Only it wasn't just Crixus, Varro's own screams filled the air, the look of agony on his face, his body shaking from the weight of his despair.

"Stop it!" Varro yelled, once again being held back by Spartacus, he too looked as if on the verge of action. "She's had enough! Just stop!"

Dominus looked from Varro, to me, before Doctore. "Continue."

Feeling defeated, when the next lash came, I didn't have the energy to scream. I was spent. It took another two lashes of silence before Dominus finally called for Doctore to stop. I was released from the chains, falling limp to the ground. Guards came and hooked my arms, dragging me forward.

"Lea." Varro said his voice near before I felt his hands on me. "My love." He cried as he wrapped me in his arms.

"I love you." I whispered as I weakly embraced him.

In the next moment he was kissing me passionately. His smell and taste flooding my senses, making my pain disappear, and reminded me of why this was happening. Our time together flowed through my mind, making me deepen the kiss, wanting it to last forever. Our lips were still together when we were torn apart.

"No." I said, turning, reaching out for him as I watched him get dragged to the posts and put into the restraints. "Varro." I said making to move toward him.

"Don't." Spartacus said with his hands on my arms.

"Spartacus." I frowned looking up at him.

"I know." He said pulling me against his chest, careful not to touch my back.

I was going to be forced to watch as he was whipped. The pain in my back was now a constant throb but when the first lash connected with his, pain seared through my own as if I was being whipped all over again. His pain was my pain. I screamed for him every time. My already raw throat felt as if it was going to tear in two from their force, sobs breaking free in between. I'd never known such agony. However, there was a sense of gratitude when his lashes ended long before mine had, leaving him still strong as he was released from his restraints.

As the guards pulled him to his feet, the gates opened and a man appeared on horseback. He was tall with thick brown hair, a clean shaven face to show off his chiseled jaw and thin lips turned down in a frown, sitting as if the highest Roman in Capua. Sliding from his mounts back, he stepped up to Dominus, shaking his hand.

"Quintus Marius Paulus." Dominus smiled. "I'm pleased you could come."

"Is her punishment finished?" He asked with a nod.

"Yes." Dominus said and motioned toward me.

"I'll take her at once." He told my master.

"At once?" Domina questioned. "Can we not see to her wounds before you take her?"

"I'll have her tended to." He nodded. "I'm eager to return home and I'd like to leave immediately."

"She can barely stand." Domina stated.

Silent tears ran down my cheeks as I realized who this man was. Dominus had been quick to sell me. My time in the House Batiatus was now over, House Paulus in my future. Slowly getting to my feet, Spartacus helping me, I stepped toward my former masters and the new master who had come for me.

"Lea." My brother said keeping my hand.

Turning to him, I leaned up and placed a kiss against his cheek. "It's time."

"Lea." He repeated with an agonized expression.

"Take care of him." I smiled before turning toward the Romans.

"Lea!" Varro screamed from behind me.

"Don't." Spartacus said and I knew that he had once against stopped his brother from doing something stupid.

Walking toward what felt like my doom, Varro screamed my name. He was begging me for me to look at him. But I couldn't. I couldn't look at him, otherwise my resolve would shatter. There was nothing I could do to stop this. To fight it would only cause more pain. More punishment. I couldn't handle anymore. I would go willingly.

"I am well, Domina." I told her as a tear slid down my cheek. "I will go."

"Quintus." Domina said to her husband. "Can't she stay?"

"Lucretia, it's done." Dominus told her. "We cannot have a slave that no longer fears defying us."

"She's learned her lesson." She told him.

"I have." I told him. "Dominus, please."

Even as we all spoke Varro was yelling behind me. Yelling my name. Yelling for me to stay. Yelling for mercy. Yelling anything. Looking at Quintus Marius Paulus, all I could see was hardness. I didn't like the look in his eyes or the stance with which he stood. I sensed danger.

"It is done." Dominus told me.

Nodding, I looked up at my new master. "I'm ready."

"Lea!" Varro yelled. "Look at me please!"

"We should go." I said softly.

Without any warning, I was struck across the cheekbone, sending me back to the ground, thankful it was on my stomach. There was a manic yell as Varro charged forward, making me fly to my feet, running into his chest to stop him, the force of him moving me back several feet before he stood still.

"Stop." I told him. "Just stop."

"If you ever touch her again I will kill you!" He yelled at the man who had bought me.

"Calm down." I told him, running my hands up and down his chest, loving the feel of him, knowing this could potentially be the last time I touched him. Spartacus put his hand on his brother's arm, ready to restrain him.

"We're leaving." Paulus said gripping my arm painfully, making me flinch.

Varro gripped my hand, keeping it for as long as he could before I was pulled from his reach. He yelled 'no' but there was nothing neither he nor anyone else could do. As Dominus had said, it was done. Keeping my eyes on Varro's, I mouthed 'I love you' to him. Tears fell down his cheeks as he looked at me, his bottom lip quivering. Opening his mouth to say something, he closed it again, unable to use his voice. Mouthing 'I love you' again, I was lifted onto the horse in front of Paulus, looking at Varro over his shoulder. Without another word being said, the horse was pushed forward and my home was out of sight. We were barely down the road when my name was screamed. It was so loud that birds flew from their perches and my heart ached for the man that I had no choice but to leave behind.

We rode for what felt like hours, despite the circumstances, I used the scenery to take my mind off of what I was forced to leave behind. I missed my room and the few belongings that I had. I missed Naevia. I missed Spartacus. I missed Domina. But most of all I missed Varro. Closing my eyes, I pictured his face, a sweet smile on his lips as he drowned me with the blue of his eyes. It was his face alone that brought me any comfort.

When we finally turned onto a small road, it was just a few minutes later when gates appeared. They were opened and a lavish villa appeared before me. The courtyard was beautiful with a fountain in the center of it. Trees along the walls bringing wonderful color to the home. Dismounting, he held his hands up to help me from the horse's back. Letting him, it was the first moment where kindness shown through. Perhaps he had a rough exterior but he may be a better man on the inside. Leading me into the villa, there were mosaics everywhere. Pools and loungers and everything high class. It was beautiful. More beautiful than anything I'd seen in my life. He led me to a well-kept room, small in stature, with only a bed, small dresser and a small table with a large lit candle on it.

"This will be your room." He told me.

"Gratitude." I told him gently.

"I'll give you a few minutes to get acclimated. Someone will be here presently to tend to your wounds." He said and left.

Taking a deep breath, I sat on the edge of the bed. It was much more comfortable than the bed I had before. Opening the drawers of the dresser, I found dresses of every color. They were beautiful. Though now that I was alone my resolve fell and the weight of my situation came crashing down on me with unbearableness. Falling to my knees I started to sob, missing my home. Missing my family. Missing my love.

"You need to stop that." A voice suddenly interrupted me.

"What?" I asked as I looked up, wiping my eyes.

Before me was a young woman with long braided blond hair, large hazel eyes, and a slender build. She looked on the verge of malnutrition but she held it well. There was wisdom in her eyes that made me trust her almost immediately. She wore a beautiful green dress, though the bruises that littered her body took away from the natural beauty that she was. She was far more beautiful than me. But instead of focusing on that, all I could see were the bruises of various healing covering much of her bare skin.

"He doesn't like crying. It only makes him mad." She told me quickly. Nodding, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'm Antonia." She said setting a bowl of water on the small table before turning to me. "Please lay on the bed so I can tend to your back. Take off your dress. We'll put you into something better after I've finished."

Nodding, doing as I was told, I stripped from my already ruined dress and lay on the bed. She wrung out a cloth and started to gently clean the cuts on my back. It hurt like hell but I remained silent. She paused a moment, feeling her touch the bruise that had formed on my arm where Paulus had grabbed me so forcefully.

"He's already touched you." She commented.

"He's what happened to you, isn't it?" I asked.

"Please him and you will do well. If ever he's displeased it's always easier if you comply." She told me.

"He's not a good man is he?" I asked next.

"He is our master." She replied coldly.

"I understand."

"Your name?"

"Lea."

After she tended to me, she dressed me in a dark blue dress. It was still meant for a slave but it was far better than anything Domina had allowed me to wear. She then put my hair into an intricate side braid, draping it over my shoulder, mirroring her own. Leading me to his office, Paulus stood with a smile when he laid eyes on me.

"Leave us."

"Dominus." Antonia said and disappeared.

"You look marvelous." He grinned.

"Gratitude." I told him, forcing a small smile. "The dresses are much appreciated. Much finer than what my former Domina allowed."

"Only the best for my girls." He grinned.

"Gratitude." I repeated.

He stepped up to me, running his hand down my hair as he circled me. "You are a most beautiful creature."

"Gratitude. Antonia is lovely. Her assistance was much appreciated." I told him kindly.

"She has her uses." He replied with a shrug. His fingers moved across my shoulder and down my arm. "It's a shame what happened to your back. I'm afraid it's going to scar."

"A memory of what I've been through." I said sadly.

"The blond who tried to protect you, do you love him?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied as blandly as I could.

Stepping behind me, he pressed his thumb into one of my cuts. Forcing myself to remain silent, I couldn't stop the shaking that started.

"You love him no more." He told me coldly. "You will love your master and no other."

"Yes, Dominus." I replied as gently as I could.

"Pour me some wine." He commanded.

"Dominus." I said and went to the table that held the decanter of wine and a single glass. Pouring the glass, I picked it up, turning to give it to my Dominus, only to run into his chest, spilling it on both of us. "Apologies." I said and looked for a cloth to clean him with.

"You spilled the wine." He stated calmly.

"Apologies, Dominus. It was an accident." I said still unable to find a cloth, using my dress instead.

"You're ruining a fine dress." He said calmly still.

"Apologies." I repeated, fear starting to seep into me.

He nodded with a kind smile on his face. Only I knew that he wasn't kind. In the next second I was struck, falling to the floor as blood filled my mouth. Looking up at him I was struck again, my arms being grabbed as he pulled me to my feet.

"I buy you as a favor to Batiatus and then you soil my nice things." He told me venomously.

"Apologies." I told him sweetly with my hand against his chest in an attempt to defuse him.

He smiled, gently putting his hand against my cheek. Smiling back, I thought he had calmed down, but then he shoved me hard against the wall, lifting my dress as he lifted his robes. Yelling 'no', I attempted to fight him off, kneeing him in the groin as I clawed at his face. He released me and I ran for the door. I didn't care if I was on the run. I'd return to Domina and beg her forgiveness. Or disappear into the wood and fend for myself until I thought of something better. All I had to do was get out of his villa. Get out and run for my life. Only I never made it to the door. He caught up with me, forcing me to the ground with one strike to my back, yelling in pain as I hit the floor. In the next moment he was on my back, mounting me as a dog mounts a bitch. He shoved his cock inside of me, making me yell as he thrust into me aggressively. I was grateful for its briefness and yet the pain still lingered. Pulling me to my feet, he straightened my dress and hair before looking at me as a painter looks at his work.

"Go change." He told me sweetly. "I can't look at you like that. Return to me as soon as you've cleaned yourself."

"Dominus." I said and swiftly returned to my room, pacing it, tears streaming.

Gathering myself, I changed my clothes, taking a moment for the redness to recede from my eyes and cheeks before returning to my master. Hoping he would be in a better mood. As I walked I caught glimpses of other slaves. There were at least two men and several more women. He seemed to favor them over male company. I could only assume they were all treated the same way that I had been. We were simply toys for him to play with. Seeing Antonia, she looked at me with sympathetic horror as I passed her by, finding Dominus now in a vast triclinium, two floor lounges in the center of it.

"Take a seat." He told me.

"Dominus." I said and did as he was told.

"We are to go over your responsibilities in this house." He said calmly as he looked at his cuticles. "From what I understand you're good at organization and making sure things run smoothly. I'm in need of both in this house. I demand three meals a day with an array of fruits in between to be ready at any given moment. I expect to be able to see my reflection in every surface I look in. Any mess will be taken care of immediately before another thing is done. I bathe morning and night and will expect you there and ready for the day. You are to rise before the sun and bed after it sets. There will be no conversing with the other slaves unless it's absolutely necessary. You are not friends. You do not treat each other as friends. You do not linger anywhere. If you're caught speaking out of turn or found in any physical act with another slave you will be severely punished. I am your master and will be treated as such. Better yet, think of me as your god. Please me, and you will receive riches beyond your wildest dreams." He told me and paused. "If you ever defy me, you will wish you had never been born. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Dominus." I said quickly, fear filling every inch of my being.

"Now go, make this house shine." He said and relaxed into the cushion.

Quickly getting up, I sought out Antonia to help me find what I needed and I set to task at making this home as clean as if it were just built. The other slaves assisted in silence, all of us knowing what our master desired. Spending the remainder of the day cleaning, I made sure every surface held my reflection, making sure no one touched them.

"Don't." I said to another woman. She was petite with red hair, full lips, and green eyes that shown like emeralds. I could see why he had acquired her. She raised a thin brow at me, taking her hands away from the vase she was just about to touch. "There isn't a mark on it. Leave it alone."

"You're new here. You don't get to tell me what to do." She stated coldly.

"Then go tell our Dominus that for he put me to the task of cleaning this house." I shot back at her just as coldly. She glared at me but didn't say anything else before she walked away.

"Be careful." A man told me. "That's Cassia; you don't want to anger her. She's quite vindictive."

He was medium height and muscular, scars littering his body. He had light brown hair that was medium length and straight, shadowing his brown eyes. He looked young, too young to live like this.

"Gratitude." I said quietly.

"I'm Felix." He told me.

"Lea." I replied. "We shouldn't be speaking. Dominus was clear about that."

"Yes." He nodded with a smile. "But he's napping, and a few kind words will last me all week."

I couldn't help but smile. Smile out of sympathy for I had no idea how much this poor man had endured. "Gratitude for your assistance." I told him kindly. "I'll appreciate any help you can offer while I settle in here." He smiled sweetly before walking away.

"He's a good man." A voice whispered from my other side, making me jump and turn to it. I was now face to face with a tall, lanky, fair skinned Greek. Her blue eyes darted around the room as if expecting something to happen. Her wavy, dirty blond hair was unkempt and she seemed as if she was going panic at any moment. She started to wring her hands and she rubbed her thighs together as if she was trying to scratch an unknown itch. "He's a good man." She repeated, meeting my eyes in a hard stare before she turned and walked away.

Disturbed, I tried to focus on my task, my mind swimming with questions about this house. Wondering what happened to these people that made them this way. What did Paulus do to them? Deciding that I didn't want to find out, I attempted to think of a way out of here. My mind already at work at finding a way to escape. It might take a while but I would find a way.

I was seeing to dinner preparations when Paulus appeared with a happy smile on his face. He stepped up behind me, putting his hands on my hips, kissing my shoulder before wrapping his arms around me. Letting him, remaining as relaxed as possible, I turned my face into his hair, feigning interest.

"Everything looks and smells wonderful. Batiatus wasn't exaggerating when he told me of your worth." He smiled as he turned me toward him.

Forcing a smile, I leaned against him subtly, "Gratitude."

Kissing me, I chocked back bile as I kissed him back. Knowing that his happiness was my key to survival. He was kinder as the night wore on. There was even a moment of polite conversation before he retired for the night. After escorting him to his bed, I swiftly returned to mine to see Cassia looking in the drawers, picking up a red one, feeling the fabric against her skin.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"You've been here less than a day and yet you are given the finest room and dresses." She said standing with the dress still in hand.

"I asked for nothing. This is what Dominus provided the moment I stepped into this house. If you want it, take it." I told her.

"He would know." She said throwing the dress on the floor. "What makes you so special to him? I've given him everything he's asked for. Everything he's ever wanted."

"And apparently it's not enough." I shot at her. "You can have him. All I want to do is survive."

"You will not survive here." She said coldly and disappeared as silently as a shadow.

Taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, I picked up the dress and put it where it belonged. Hearing footfalls, I turned to see Felix in the doorway. "Are you all going to stop and see the newcomer?" I asked with a hint of coldness.

"Are you all right?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I replied.

"Why were you sold?" He asked taking a tentative step inside.

"I fell in love with a gladiator." I told him. "I defied my masters once too many and was sold as punishment."

"And whipped." He stated.

"We were whipped in front of each other and then he watched as I was taken away." I said sadly, feeling tears well in my eyes. "To forever be parted from his arms." I added, a tear sliding down my cheek as I looked up at him. "What of your scars?" I asked.

"I am not the most loyal slave." He told me. "For every transgression I receive a new cut."

"Paulus was the cause of every one of them?" I frowned only to have him nod at me.

"I'm lucky he hasn't made me as grotesque as others from the past." He said rubbing his cheek. His face had remained unscathed and yet I still couldn't believe that someone would treat their slaves this poorly.

"Felix…" I said but didn't know what to say to him.

"I survive." He smiled as he sat next to me. "Now I keep my head down and do as he commands."

"What is wrong with the Greek girl?" I asked.

"That's Nona. She has been beaten and raped once too many. Her mind is no longer her own." He told me.

"Why does he do these things?" I asked barely above a whisper, another tear falling.

"I do not know." He told me gently. "Many have come and gone from this house. We just have to play our parts and hope for absolution."

"Death." I said plainly.

"It is the only freedom we will ever know." He said sadly.

"No." I said taking his hand, only to have him jump and cringe at the contact. "I will not let that happen."

"You won't have a choice." He replied and stood. "Sleep. You'll need to be up early."

"Gratitude, Felix." I smiled at him.

Sleeping little I rose before the sun, seeing to Paulus's bath preparations before I went and stood outside his chambers until I heard him wake. Entering the room, announcing myself, I was surprised to find Cassia in bed with him. He simply smiled before getting up. Following his naked form, he ordered my dress removed before I joined him, uneasy of what to expect. His silence was far more worrisome than his words.

"How did you sleep?" He finally asked kindly.

"Quite well." I lied. "This bed is far nicer than the one I had before."

"And what of your lover's bed? Was his as comfortable?"

"No, Dominus, it was not." I replied though my stomach dropped, the smoothness of his voice putting me on edge.

"Did I, or did I not, tell you that you and the other slaves were not friends?" He asked as anger started to enter his voice.

"You did, Dominus. I have not befriended any of them." I replied.

"Then tell me why Felix joined you in your room last night."

"Dominus?" I asked questioningly.

With swiftness I didn't think possible, he grabbed my wrist, yanking me in front of him, forcing me deeper into the water as he stood over me. "Do not lie to me." He said through clenched teeth. "Cassia witnessed the exchange and came to tell me at once."

"He was simply helping me settle in to my new home." I told him trying to hide my fear.

In the next second my head was under water. Struggling against his hold, he let me up long enough to get a breath before plunging me under again. This time he refused to let me up. Unable to bear the pain, my lungs sucked in water, making blackness fill my vision and soon unconsciousness took me.

Waking on the floor of my room, still soaking wet, I coughed up the remaining water from my lungs before I slowly sat up. My head was pounding as if it were going to explode. Putting my palm to my forehead, I slowly moved to the edge of the bed, putting my elbows on my knees as I cradled my head in my hands. Hearing footsteps, I stood and faced the door, seeing Paulus, his form encompassing the doorway.

"You're awake." He smiled.

Wanting to say something I shouldn't, I simply nodded at him, "Yes, Dominus."

"What have you learned?" He asked.

"Do not speak to the others slaves." I told him. "We are not friends and I have no business in speaking to them unless it's for the needs of the house."

"Very good." He smiled warmly as he stepped forward, placing a gentle kiss against my cheek. "Now clean up and then come to me."

"Yes, Dominus." I stated.

* * *

**And there you have it. And just so you know. There is only one chapter left. So what will happen? How will she survive? Will she survive? Will she ever see Varro again? Will anyone come to her rescue?! Oh the possibilities!**


	17. Epilogue

**Here it is! The finale chapter of Blood and Sand! I hope you enjoy it! (=**

* * *

_**Chapter Sixteen: Epilogue**_

For the first time since I'd arrived I felt the first wave of relief. The wind was blowing, wafting the smell of the trees to me, filling my senses, and clearing my mind. Rushing across the courtyard as silently as possible, I clambered up into the branches of a tree. All I had to do was get over the wall and then I'd be free. My need to escape was all I could feel, everything else was just background noise. My hand was on the top of the wall when my hair was grabbed. I attempted to keep my grip on the wall but I was too weak, being tugged and thrown to the ground. Putting my hand on the back of my head, I looked up to seem my master. For a moment I was afraid that I'd see anger in Paulus's face, but there was no anger, only calmness. Yanking me to my feet, he led me back inside, throwing me to the floor. Staring at the floor from my stomach, I listened as he circled me.

"Why do you keep doing this?" He asked. "That's twice this week."

"I don't like you forcing yourself on me." I told him. "It makes me afraid and makes me do things I shouldn't."

He stopped circling before he straddled me, flipping me onto my back. "I'll stop when you start to like it." He said only his tone was now filled with fury, making ice flow through my veins.

Struggling against him, he pulled my dress up, his hard cock running the length of my thigh. Shoving him away from me, it gave me only a moment's reprieve before he was on top of me again. Still struggling, he thrust himself up inside of me, making me yell out. Continuing to thrust deeper and deeper inside of me, I screamed when I felt myself tear, warmth slowly starting to move underneath me. When he finally pulled free, he stood, yelling for water and a rag. When it came he cleaned himself before setting it down next to me, demanding that I clean the floor. Doing as I was told, I cleaned the blood, only I was still actively bleeding, droplets dripping every so often, infuriating him all the more. Clasping my thighs together, I tried to control the bleeding long enough for him to be satisfied.

When he finally led me back to my room, my thighs were sticky with drying blood. Antonia came in long enough to give me a bowl of water and another cloth before she quickly left. Taking it, the cold water felt wonderful against my wounded flesh. Cleaning myself as best I could, I made sure the blood had stopped before I changed and once again left to return to my master. It didn't matter what I did or what he did, as soon as it was over I was always required to clean myself and return to him. It was dinner time and I made sure he was well satisfied. I was standing, watching his every move, when Felix appeared with a message on a tray, a fresh cut circling from the front of his shoulder to the back. Frowning at him sadly, a moment later I was struck across the cheekbone, another blow entering my abdomen once I was down. He missed nothing these days. Getting to my feet, I watched him step up to Felix, cutting him along his bicep. The poor man didn't even flinch. Dipping my chin, I shut my eyes, afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes from falling on the wound that I had just caused.

Days passed without any more incidents. I had learned my lesson, but I couldn't help taking note of everything around me, knowing that I'd have to be ready if I ever tried to leave again. But it seemed that Paulus knew I was planning something. I needed days to regain my strength and then I would see what happened. However, one day he caught me looking at the entrance doors, delivering me my worst beating yet. I couldn't look at anything without being punished for it. Soon, I looked like a walking bruise. Felix used to come with fresh cuts but those had stopped so I knew I had no allies in this house. Cassia was as vindictive as Felix had said, anything I said or did was immediately reported and I was punished for it. But no matter what I did, Paulus always came calling with his voice of chocolate and, despite my struggling, would bed me and be on his way. This was what my life had become. Doing my masters bidding in the middle of raping and beatings. Being fed little, I may have been Paulus's new favored toy but I was quickly losing my will. Sooner or later I'd either have to comply fully or die. The latter being the most desirable.

* * *

Sitting in the corner of the small room I occupied, the coldness of the floor was a comfort to my heated and wounded body. I thought I had planned it perfectly. Making sure no one knew anything; I had managed to once again make it to the courtyard, up a tree, and then had finally made it over the wall. I had made it out of the villa and I took no pause before I ran for my life. Ran as fast as I could, attempting to free myself from the horrors of the beautiful villa. Only it was too soon when I heard the sound of hooves racing after me, getting louder and louder. Before I could find a safe place to hide, I could hear him closing in behind me, tears streaming as I realized that I had once again failed. I'd failed and had no idea what was going to happen to me. In the next moment he gripped me, pulling me into the saddle with him. Without a word he returned to the villa, throwing me from the horses back before dragging me into the house. For a long moment he was silent and still, and then he came at me with more force than he had ever before. The walls echoing my screams, the shadows of thrashing and tearing rising up the walls. No one was there to help me. I was all alone. Alone. When he had finished, he dragged me to this small room, chaining me to the floor. That's where I now sat. I'd been here ever since with no food or water, using a corner to relieve myself so I wouldn't sit in my own waste. I'd gone from one hell to another. Only this one was worse. I was treated like a dog, calling upon me whenever he wanted, doing whatever he wanted for however long be wanted to. If anyone laid eyes on me you'd think me a corpse. I was no better than one. I was more bruise than flesh; my cunt overused and bloodied; my hair unkempt and dirty. I didn't think even I would recognize myself if I saw my reflection. I was nothing now. Nothing but a toy used by an insane man.

"Well, my love, have we learned our lesson yet?" Paulus asked as he stepped into the room.

As afraid as I was, I felt as if there was nothing left I could lose. The only thing I had left of worth was my life and in this moment even that weighed little. "I will never make this easier for you." I told him. "You might as well kill me."

"Do you not cherish your own life?" He asked as he bent down in front of me.

"No." I told him.

"What of your lost love? Would he want you to forfeit your life out of stubbornness?" He asked.

Varro.

My love.

"He'd rather I die than be tortured and raped by a deranged Roman." I replied coldly, spitting in his face.

Wiping it away, he backhanded me, reopening the cuts that already littered my lips. From there he straddled me, positioning himself before he paused. "I will force his memory from you."

"You can do what you want to my body but you will never tame me. Nor will you ever take my memories. They give me strength you'll never know." I stated coldly.

His eyes seemed to glow with anger and he thrust himself inside of me. Biting my cheek to keep from yelling out, I let him finish, moving away from him when he finally dismounted me, cowering in a corner. He stood and looked down at me.

"I don't know why you make this so difficult." He said flatly.

"I don't know why you insist on forcing yourself upon me." I retorted. "If you had been kind I would have been loyal and we wouldn't have had any trouble. If you had been kind I would have willingly joined you in bed simply to make you happy and to show my appreciation for your kindness." I told him honestly.

"You love another. When would you ever have willingly come to my bed?" He asked.

"It would have taken time." I told him. "But I used to be known as loyal. I would have been loyal if you had simply shown compassion."

"You are too outspoken." He stated.

"I know." I replied.

"I've never met a slave like you before." He said kneeling in front of me.

"And you never will again." I stated with a raised brow.

"I will enjoy taming you." He grinned evilly.

"I've already told you. I will not be tamed." I said leaning toward him.

"We'll see about that."

Gripping my ankle he attempted to pull me from the corner I was in. Fighting, I managed to kick him in the face, making blood start to stream from his nose. He forgot his need to mount me again and started to beat me instead. Blows to my arms and legs as I protected my head and abdomen. When he was winded he stopped, spitting on me before turning and leaving the room.

* * *

Waking to commotion in the villa, fear once again encompassed me. Three times in the same day was even a lot for him. He usually kept his visits to twice a day, sometimes every other, letting me recover before coming again. Making it more enjoyable for him. Moving to the corner, I couldn't help the shaking that started to set in as I waited for him to appear. Then I heard yelling. Something that was not normal for the villa. There were other slaves and a handful of guards but I hadn't had interaction with them in weeks. Only when a shadow appeared against the drape, the shape was different. The drape was slowly moved aside and a figure stepped in. Now tears filled my eyes, swiftly streaming down my face. The man in front of me was one I knew. For a moment I dared to believe that this hell was over. Dared to hope that I had been saved.

Tears filled my eyes as he swiftly moved toward me. Kneeling down, he took my head in his hands, looking at me with worry and fear. "Lea."

"Caius." I whispered. "How?" I asked now with a smile on my face.

"I'll explain later." He smiled.

Nodding, he opened his arms to me. Gently leaning forward, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me into his arms, a painful cry escaping my lips. Swiftly taking me from the room, we moved through the villa, the doors coming closer, my freedom awaiting me. As we passed the pool in the entrance, I saw Paulus lying in it, the water turning red from his blood. Cassia lay next to him, shuddering breaths escaping her as she died, her hand clasped over his. I didn't feel sorry for them. They deserved everything they had gotten. As we left the villa I saw Felix with Nona, helping her into a carriage, Antonia standing next to them. She smiled at me as I was brought to another carriage, Caius cradling me against his chest as he stepped inside and took a seat.

"I have you, Lea." He told me gently, wrapping his arms around me as I lay across his lap. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

"Gratitude." I whispered. "I thought I was going to die in there."

"I'd never let that happen." He whispered back.

"Gratitude." I whispered again before unconsciousness took me.

* * *

Waking to gentle caressing, a pit fell in my stomach and I shot up, moving away from the touch. Only when I looked at who it was it was Caius. Relaxing, I moved away from the edge of the bed, leaning back against the headboard. He smiled at me with concern, keeping his hands to himself. Reaching my hand up, I gently ran my fingers down his cheek, speaking with difficulty, "I thought it a dream."

"It was real." He smiled, tentatively taking my hand, placing a kiss against its palm when I didn't pull away.

Taking a glass of water, he helped me, gently pouring a small amount of water into my mouth. Once my mouth and throat got a taste, I gripped the cup as tightly as I could, Caius still helping me as I guzzled it, some spilled from the sides but I couldn't stop. It had been days maybe even weeks since I was able to quench my thirst. It tasted so good.

"How did you find me?" I asked when the water was gone, my voice stronger.

"It took time." He sighed.

"Did you ask my Domina?" I frowned. He looked at me sadly. Something had happened. Varro. "What is it?" I asked. He remained silent. "Please, Caius." I said leaning toward him.

"Slowly." He told me putting his hand gently on my back, only a twinge of pain noticeable.

"Caius." I said putting my hand on his shoulder. "Please tell me."

He sighed, gently running his fingers through my hair. "There was a rebellion." He said and paused. I remained silent, waiting for him to go on, my heart skipping a beat. "Spartacus and the other gladiators rebelled against your masters, killing both of them and over a dozen high class Romans." He finally continued. "They freed themselves, leaving the ludus and disappearing into the countryside. No one knows where they are. Though they appear and kill more Romans every day, leaving messages in their chests or with body parts. Spartacus is quiet creative."

"Varro?" I asked.

"Is he the one you love?" He asked with a slight frown.

"Yes." I replied quickly. "What do you know of him?"

"Nothing." He stated. "Spartacus's name is the only one I've heard on people's tongues."

Standing, I still felt weak, one knee throbbing horribly making me limp as I paced back and forth. "Where were they the last time you heard?"

"You shouldn't be up." He said moving to me, putting his hands on my arms. "You're not well."

"I'm well enough." I frowned at him. "Where are they?"

He sighed, his jaw tightening before he replied, "They're everywhere. No one can pinpoint their location."

"I need to go." I told him, gently pushing him away from me before I moved toward the door.

"Lea, wait." He said gently taking my arm. "You just woke. You need to heal before we start looking for the Rebels."

"We?" I asked him with a frown. "You're going to help me?"

"I have no more love for Romans than you do." He replied. "I do not wish to live this way forever."

"Having slaves?" I asked gently.

He sighed again, rubbing my arms as he averted his eyes. "Yes. No human life is more important than any other."

"Okay." I nodded, allowing him to lead me back to bed, piling the pillows to prop me up. "It's probably for the best."

"How do you fare?" He asked worriedly as he sat on the edge of the bed next to me.

"I don't know." I replied as I slipped my hand into his. "Comforted." I smiled at him.

"I was afraid I wouldn't find you alive." He confessed with furrowed brows.

"I wouldn't have lasted much longer." I told him. "If he had come back again I don't think I would have survived." He averted his eyes again, pain in his expression. "How am I?" I asked. "How long have I been asleep?"

"You're doing much better." He told me. "You've been asleep for over a week. There was much healing to be done."

"Am I whole?" I asked, feeling as if there was something he wasn't telling me.

He frowned before putting his hand on the other side of me to brace himself so he could look me straight on. Taking a moment to just look at me he finally answered, "There was significant damage from the aggressive way he entered you. It appears that he tore you and then continued to do so every time after. There was a small infection that my medicus was concerned about but we've managed to keep it at bay. However, he thinks there will be a heavy amount of scarring which will make conceiving difficult if not impossible." He finished.

Nodding at him, I took in the information. Scoffing, I smiled at him, "There goes my dream of blond haired, blue eyed babies running around."

"It's not certain." He told me gently.

Nodding again, I removed a pillow, and hunkered down. "I'm tired."

"Rest." He smiled putting his hand on my thigh. "I hope sleep will help."

"Me too." I replied and shut my eyes, tears brimming.

When I woke next, there were several voices in the room. I heard my name more than once before I finally cracked my eyes open. I didn't want to wake up. Not yet. I still felt drained and exhausted.

"I will protect her from anything or anyone that comes for her." I heard Caius say. "I am Roman. I have the power to protect her. How can you ask me to just let her go join the Rebels? They will be destroyed. It's only a matter of time. I will not let her be destroyed with them."

"You freed us." Felix's voice replied. "We cannot repay you enough for that but even we wish to join Spartacus and his cause. It's something we believe in and something needs to be done about the slavery in this land. I wish to join and fight against the likes of you. No offense intended toward you. For as I said, you freed us."

"Which makes me as much a Rebel as it does you." Caius stated.

"We must think about this logically, Felix." Antonia told him. "Lea is barely healed. She has weeks, maybe months, of healing to do. She is not ready to join a rebellion. Not to mention Nona. Where is she going to go if we all join Spartacus?"

"How long till she'll be ready to travel?" Felix asked. "For I'm not going without her."

"Weeks, Felix." Antonia stated. "She received far worse than any of us. She needs to heal if she is to fight. We all know that she is going to fight to get back to them and then fight for the cause. She personally knows Spartacus and many who fight with him. Crixus. Agron. She is a key element to this. For all we know they're searching for her as well as killing the Romans. Not to mention Varro. She'll do anything to return to him."

"They will look for me." I told them, stepping up behind them. "If Varro lives he will come for me."

"Even with the resources I have, it took me weeks to find you. It will take them twice as long on their own. We have time." Caius said gently.

"There is no time." I frowned at him. "Every moment spent away from them is me putting them in danger. If Varro still lives then he will stop at nothing till I am found. Whether that is dead or alive."

"How do you know that?" Antonia asked.

"Because he's the love of my life." I told her. "After everything we've been through, as long as there is hope, he will come for me." They all were looking at my sadly. "Is there something that no one is telling me?" I asked as my chest started to clench. "If something had happened to him you need to tell me now." They remained silent. "What has happened?"

"I know who Varro is." Caius told me.

"Okay." I frowned at him.

"His wife was recently killed. I'm not sure how sound of mind he is." He explained sadly.

"What?" I frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed. "How?"

"I don't know everything. All I know is that she was found on the road, beaten to the point of fatality, but was rescued by Spartacus."

"If she was rescued than how do you know she was fatally wounded?" I asked quickly.

"I saw her. There was no coming back. She was in horrible condition." Caius said sadly.

"The love of your life is married?" Antonia frowned.

"I didn't say it was perfect." I replied as I stood and started to pace. Stopping, I looked at Caius. "How did you know about Varro and his wife?" I asked. "I never mentioned him to you before you told me of the rebellion."

"I may have asked about you." He told me.

"I'm sure I should be flattered." I scoffed at him.

"I care about you." He said tentatively.

"I care about you too, Caius." I smiled gently. He smiled back with a slightly sad expression. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I offered the gratitude I had yet to give him, "Gratitude for everything you have done for me. Especially for freeing me."

"None needed." He said hugging me tightly.

"Not to ruin the moment but I'm still not fully healed." I told him as pain started to throb in my back.

"Apologies." He said releasing me quickly.

Smiling, I took a deep breath, trying not to straighten my back out too quickly. "Remind me never to be whipped again." They all laughed lightly at my poor joke. Though a moment later, the smile disappeared from my face and they all looked at me nervously. "May I have a moment?" I asked them.

"Of course." Felix said quickly, putting his hand on my arm as he placed a kiss against my cheek. Antonia embraced me lightly before she left, leaving Caius and I alone.

"Please." I frowned at him. He nodded before turning and leaving.

As soon as they were gone, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I gripped it as I started to shake. Varro. Where was he? What was happening to him? Was he okay? What of Spartacus and Crixus and Naevia and Mira? Where was my family?

Putting my head in my hands, I started to cry, sobbing uncontrollably as I thought of the fate of my family. I was free of Paulus and yet I still felt like I was in prison. They were simply looking out for me and yet I couldn't feel happy about it. I was grateful to Caius. But I needed Varro. I _needed_ him. I needed him and I had no idea where he was. He would look for me. He would look and he wouldn't stop until I was found. I needed to get out of here. I needed to find him. Standing, I started to pace, trying to get myself under control. So much had happened, how was I supposed to process it? Stopping, breathing hard, I screamed before flipping the table in the room. Swiping everything off every surface of the room before dropping to my knees still screaming, only now I was sobbing at the same time. Falling to the side, I wrapped myself in as tight a ball as I could, my arms wrapped around my head, sobbing and screaming as I processed everything that had happened to me. Everything that I'd been told. Though soon everything fell away.

Waking in the same ball I had been in, I slowly uncurled myself, sitting and leaning against the bed. My eyes felt thick and heavy. Taking a deep breath, I felt another wave of tears brim in my eyes. Shutting them, I pictured Varro's smiling face, taking solace in it. He had to be alive. He had to be okay. Even is his wife had been killed he would survive. He would come for me.

"Come for me." I whispered to myself. Then the door slowly opened and Caius stepped in. "I'm fine." I stated.

"You're not fine." He replied as he knelt in front of me. "You're sitting on the floor looking defeated."

"I need to find him, Caius." I said meeting his eyes. "I'm awake. I've healed enough. I need to find him."

"We will." He nodded putting his hand against my face. "But we need to have a direction to go in. We need to try and find where they've been so we have something to go on. If we just disappear into the countryside we may never find them."

"I need them." I whispered. "I need him."

He nodded at me sadly, "I know."

Looking past him I whispered, "Varro."

"You need to rest." He said gently pulling me to my feet.

"I need him." I repeated as he gently laid me on the bed.

"Sleep." He told me.

"There's no time." I frowned though my eyes were already shut, my brows deeply furrowed.

"The more rest you get the sooner we can leave." He told me. Though I knew it was just to placate me. "Sleep."

Feeling him place a kiss against my forehead, I felt a wave of comfort, though there was only one face I saw. "Varro."

When I woke, I found Antonia sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling down at me. "You look much better."

"I hadn't realized I was looking poorly." I frowned at her.

"After tearing the room apart and breaking down, you were looking a bit rough." She grinned at me.

Taking her hand, I shut my eyes again, frowning, "I'm so tired."

"More rest is needed." She told me.

"No." I said opening my eyes. "I need to find Varro. I need to find my family."

"I know you do." She nodded. "But you will be no good to anyone if you don't take care of yourself." Tears welled and fell from my eyes. "We are going to help you." She said wiping the tears from my cheeks. "We are going to get you back to your love. But you need to get well. Get well for him." Nodding, I shut my eyes again, falling asleep as she gently trailed her fingers through my hair.

_Once again sitting in the small room of Paulus' villa, I found myself once again covered in blood and dirt. I was cold and shaking, my body aching as if I had just been forced upon. The same commotion from the night I was rescued moved through the villa. A figure appeared on the other side of the drape, one I knew better than I knew myself. It moved aside and Varro stood before me in all his glory. He rushed to me, breaking the chain from my ankle before pulling me into his arms. No words were spoken, he simply kissed me passionately._

_Sweeping me up into his arms he took me from the house of hell, the scene changing to a lavish bedroom. Laying me on the bed, he ran his hands along my body, my wounds healing wherever he touched. Grinning, I kissed him, wrapping him in my arms. Gripping his sides with my knees, I arched against him, asking for more. Kissing, meeting his eyes, it was like looking at a blue sky after a long rain. Clear and warm and welcoming. I loved him and all the love he held shown through his eyes. Deepening our kiss, he ran his hands up and down my body, his cock hard against my thigh. Arching against him again, he smiled before pushing himself up inside of me. Instead of pain warmth radiated through me, groaning with our lips touching. Rocking against me it seemed as if the warmth was intensifying, healing, a white light started to radiate from him. The faster we rocked the more intense it became. With one final thrust we locked lips as we both climaxed the light blinding as we melted into each other and everything fell away._

Opening my eyes, I couldn't help but smile. Feeling renewed, I knew that we would be reunited. We would be together again and everything would be right in the world as long as we were together. Deciding that I'd rested enough, I convinced Caius to take Felix and see what they could find out in town. While they were gone, Antonia saw me bathed tended to now that I was up and moving around. I had healed enough, better than I had expected. Though a few more days had passed since I woke the first time. Too much time had been wasted with healing. I could heal inside a carriage or atop a horse just as easily. When she was finished with me, we saw to Nona, thinking of what could be done with her so that she remained safe. Her mind was hardly her own and she would not last if we took her on the road with us. Now that I got to speak to her as much as I pleased I was even more sure of it. In the end I'd leave the decision up to her, hoping she could make one based on sense on her own.

There were things that needed to be taken care of before we could leave. It wasn't just me anymore. As much as I wished it, I knew that I could not leave these people behind. We were free and they wanted to find the Rebels as much as I did. I would take them with me. As long as we moved at my pace. Despite the condition of my body, I would push myself to the brink to return to my love. All the while Varro was the only thing I could think of. He would be devastated after his wife's passing. It sounded tragic, meaning he would blame himself for not being with her. However I didn't know the circumstances, but hoped he wasn't with her and that he was grieving somewhere safe and sound. Spartacus would look after him. He would always look after those he loved, despite the rebellion he had started. I just wished I knew where they were. I needed them. I needed Varro. I appreciated Caius and everything he'd done for me. I was free because of him. But my heart still beat for only one man. Varro. I would not rest until I found him. I would not rest until we were reunited. If there was anything worth fighting for it was this, and I was going to fight. Fight harder than I'd ever fought be before. Harder than anyone would think me capable of.

THE END


End file.
